Wednesday, March 11, 2009

Play Like Barkley, Gamble Like Barkley

Hi everyone, Courtney Paris here. I play women's college basketball. No, I don't play for Tennessee. No, not Connecticut either. I play for Oklahoma.

I'm a student athlete here just like Sam Bradford. Except that nobody outside of Norman knows who I am. No one buys me beers or talks about my multi-million dollar future. Heck, I get overshadowed in my own sport since Blake Griffin plays for the men's team here. People just smile at me and then refer to me as that gigantic chick over there (which I guess is true since I'm a big boned 6'4"). I'm not even the most famous person in my family since my dad, Bubba, played offensive line for the 49ers during the 1980's.

Seriously guys, I'm a superstar in my sport if anyone would pay attention. I've set the NCAA record for rebounding and I have the Big 12 record for career scoring.
I practically average a double double including a streak where I had one for 112 straight games. Look it up if you can find it somewhere on the Internet.

You guys know who Charles Barkley is? Well, I'm just like him without the crazy soundbites or stays in the Tent City jail system after drunk driving charges. Seriously, I'm a good player! I'm doing as much or more than my fellow All-Americans like Candace Parker or Sylvia Fowles......you have no idea who I'm talking about do you?

Fine. You guys want a reason to pay attention to women's basketball? How about gambling? Oh, did your ears just perk up? I swear, women's basketball players either need to have Don Imus pick on them or grow a third arm for anyone to notice them.

Yes, gambling. And since I'm aware of the struggling economy, it won't even be with your money. I will gamble MY scholarship money that the Sooners will win the NCAA championship this year. That's roughly about $64,000.

How
ya like me now, bitches?

See, anyone can make outrageous statements or ululate like a banshee after big plays, but I'm going to put my money where my mouth is.

You guys love compulsive gamblers like Barkley and Michael Jordan? Well, here's the $6
4,000 question! Will Courtney Paris keep her money? Oh, and it gets better. We AREN'T favored to win! Connecticut is as per usual. In fact, we played them earlier this year and they blew us away by 28 points!

AM I CRAZY? I JUST MIGHT BE! TUNE IN AND SEE IF CRRRAAAAZY COURTNEY PARIS CAN KEEP HER COLLEGE TUITION! IT'S JUST LIKE REALITY TELEVISION WHICH I KNOW YOU LOVE!

Boy, my dad's gonna be pissed when he hears about this. I probably should have run this by him first.


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