Friday, March 20, 2009

And Now A Word From The Greedy Rich Divorced Couple..

Not a bar discussion about sports goes by without someone bringing up how much athletes are paid. Yes, some athletes have lost all sense of reality due to too much money too fast.

My personal favorite story is when Deion Sanders became a Dallas Cowboy, he was h
ouse shopping. He apparently kept insisting on getting a house with a large fence so that no fans wouldn't know where he lived. Once he found a fence large enough to suit his needs, Sanders immediately went out and purchased a giant gate for the driveway entrance with his nickname 'Prime Time' on them in giant golden letters making the giant fence pointless.

But athletes are still basically just working class guys who get paid really really well. They still clock in to work every day and their job is based on performance.

You want to find people who have lost all sense of the basics of life, go look at the white collar bastards whose soul purpose is to collect as much money as possible by any legal (sometimes illegal) means possible.

Everyone has heard of AIG by now, but that company is just the poster child for the others who have managed to escape public notice.

The latest story of the ridiculously rich is the divorce proceedings of financial man George David and his ex-wife Marie Douglas-David.

First all, I should point out that Ms. Douglas-David is apparently a Swedish countess, so she's already unaware of any semblance of normal life.

Secondly, Ms. Douglas-David is saying that she needs $53,000 a week just to survive after
her loveless marriage soured. And she has the expense sheet to prove it!

Some of the highlights of her needs:

-She only needs $350 for food, but $4,500 a week for clothing.
-She needs $1000/week for hair care
-She needs $1500/week for entertainment
-She needs $1000/week for horse care
-She needs $8000/week for travel

Oh, and this is on top of the $36 million she's already been offered.

Her weekly income from employment? Zero.

Bummer.

But instead of going on some diatribe about the evils of rich people, I'm going to take a positive approach and put you in the place of the C
ountess. Boob jobs are not required for you.

Let's say you just stuck the $36 million in a retirement fund. Which means you could pro
bably retire now.

Here are a few highlights of what you could get with your $53,000/ week allowance this week:

-A 50" wide screen, high def, plasma screen television to watch March Madness on

-Cab rides to and from your place for 20 of your friends so that they don't go Donte Stallworth on someone by accident.

-20 high-end Belgium beers for each friend. We're talking the kind with 11% alcohol like Delirium or Duvel. They will knock you on your ass.

-2 hi
gh-end pizzas for each person. We're talking coal oven super style pizzas with any topping they want.

-a couple of punching bags so your friends can beat up whatever team they hate aka
Duke punching bags.

-A basketball hoop to put outside so you and your friends can make drunken idiots out of yourselves trying to replicate moves made on the television.

-2 Hooters waitresses to serve you. Or if, Hooters girls aren't your thing, you can probably just hire a couple of exotic dancers to pose as Hooters Waitresses.

-A Bose surround sound system that includes a CD and DVD player in case your friends want to play music so that the exotic dancers can strip

-A vide
o game system plus games that everyone can play if they get bored with the strippers.

-The ability to pay off the neighbors so no one will call the cops during any of your hedonistic activities.

And you still have around $20,000 left! So let's just hire more hot women to watch the game with your friends.

Dreams are nice.

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