Wednesday, April 28, 2010

PantsCast April 27

NBA Playoffs, a dash of NHL talk, and the post NFL draft circus. Plus, Jason Dula may have had a mild stroke during the cast.

Click Here to take the red pill.

Monday, April 26, 2010

Who Were Those Guys?

If you read the grades from the NFL draft last week, you will notice that no one agrees on much.

Some writers gave Seattle an A+ while others say the Seahawks' draft was overrated. I've seen San Francisco get two thumbs up for spending early picks on fixing the team's offensive line while others claim the 49ers reached to get their picks.

The grades vary so greatly that you have to wonder if everyone was watching the same draft and who is right and who should never be taken seriously as a draft prognosticator.

The only thing I noticed most draft sites agreeing on is that the Raiders had a good draft.

I'll repeat that: the RAIDERS had a good draft.

What the hell is going on here? I was looking forward to the comedic value that is a Raiders draft. You say there are three players that would be a smart pick at this point in the draft? Well, the Raiders aren't picking any of them. They're picking a lettuce shredder at Taco Bell who ran a 4.2 second 40 yard dash when he accidentally lit himself on fire at the Tortada station.

It's been a highlight of the draft for a decade: guess who's going where and then watch the Raiders throw the entire draft into flux when they make a completely boneheaded pick that no one can see coming. As the Raiders approached their turn to draft, my friends and I began throwing out over/unders on how random their pick would be. It's like being at the office Christmas party and seeing which gag gift you end up with.

And then Oakland goes off and does something totally logical and normal. I feel so empty and unsatisfied. Rolando McClain is a solid pick for a middle linebacker and a team leader the Raiders have so desperately needed. They got Lamar Houston to fill in a defensive tackle spot and add some extra help to one of the worst run defenses in the league.

Then came the big move: the Raiders traded starting quarterback and resident fat ass JaMarcus Russell for team leader and hard worker Jason Campbell. Suddenly, the Raiders came to grips with the fact that they had the laziest bust of a quarterback jiggling his belly behind center. Before, you could look at Russell and feel safe knowing that he would personally blow four or five games for Oakland since he doesn't understand how to read a defense (and doesn't bother to learn.)

Now, they have a quarterback that has been yanked around every year while he was in Washington despite his admirable work ethic and you can't help but root for the guy. It's like the Raiders have suddenly bought a computer instead of stubbornly relying on the 1965 typewriter...basically, they got a clue.

I feel confused and alarmed by this. Before, I could always count on the Raiders being the benchmark for futility in the modern NFL. If you had a worse record than Oakland, your team needed to change. Now, the Raiders might actually build something good. And a whole generation of football fans will question reality.

Friday, April 23, 2010


So had did the NFL Draft's first attempt at prime time television go?

The answer is not good enough to stop the CBS steamroll going on during Thursday nights (Survivor followed by CSI and the Mentalist), but pretty damn good.

In fact, if it were listed on the prime time Nielsen ratings, it would have come in third place. Not bad for a program that only shows draft picks walking up to a podium followed by game film and a bunch of people deciding how smart a team was for selecting him.

When you put the NFL Draft only up against other sporting events, it absolutely destroys the competition. Baseball is only a few weeks into a long season, so that's understandable.

The NBA, however, should worry. Viewers chose to watch the draft over the NBA playoffs by a 2 to 1 and sometimes 3 to 1 margin. This is the NBA postseason. This should be the pinnacle of the league. Yet it gets smoked by a show about a draft. The NHL playoffs got crushed as well, but nobody is surprised anymore when hockey ratings don't do well.

We all know the NFL dominates sports ratings, but this discovery is a crushing blow to pro basketball in America. Remember a decade ago when Michael Jordan helped the NBA creep up on baseball (still in the post-strike slump) for second place on the American sports landscape? Things looked bright for the future of basketball.

Then Jordan retired and the league couldn't replace him no matter how many personalities it shoved down our throats. Allen Iverson had too many tattoos and he didn't like PRACTICE! (We here talkin about practice!) Shaq was viewed as just a giant guy who bulldozed his way to the basket, Kobe was an ego-maniac who was accused of rape, Tim Duncan has the personality of a door knob, and players were simply viewed as less interested in winning and more interested in their tricked out rides and their group of buddies walking around in chains and sunglasses.

Don't get me wrong, David Stern has done wonders expanding the NBA to a world-wide audience and making it a true international sport.

Here in America though, the people have spoken. And they have said that the NBA isn't that important.

Wednesday, April 21, 2010

April 20 PantsCast

It's NFL Christmas time! Plus the schedule is out for next year and we take a look at some nice games. And owner smack talk in the NBA.

Click Here to open your presents.

2010 NFL Mock Draft

I'll be up front and honest: this mock draft will be incorrect. Every mock draft you read will be incorrect. It's impossible to guess a draft when every team involved is intentionally throwing out smokescreens to hide what they're really doing.

That being said, at least you can be familiar with the names being read when the NFL Draft hits prime time on April 22.

I had my friend Alastair pick half the teams in this draft just to have another person involved. He threw me some curve balls and had guys going to teams that I don't agree with. That's the point though, the NFL Draft will never go according to plan, so I had to take the best available guy who remained instead of creating a perfect little package that made sense to my little dinosaur brain.

The result is this incorrect
2010 NFL Mock Draft. Enjoy. I SAID ENJOY! (shaking fist)

1. ST. LOUIS RAMS - Sam Bradford, QB Oklahoma

Quarterback is one of the Rams' various needs, and with the equally undesirable Kyle Boller and Marc Bulger out of the picture, all signs point to Bradford. Clearly the question marks about his injured shoulder (which held him out of 10 games this past season) have been answered, and St. Louis has seen enough from the 2008 Heisman Trophy winner.

2. DETROIT LIONS - Ndamukong Suh, DT Nebraska

If you watched the Big 12 Championship Game, you know what a beast this guy can be. Suh was all over Colt McCoy and the Texas offensive line in that game, showcasing himself as a potentially dominant force in the NFL. I know Detroit probably wants to take a wide receiver, but even the Lions can't screw up this pick.

3. TAMPA BAY BUCCANEERS - Gerald McCoy, DT Oklahoma

The Bucs' secondary looks pretty solid, but they had the worst run defense in the entire league last season, and that will undoubtedly be their main focus. McCoy is the anchor Tampa needs along the defensive line, and will significantly help what was once a proud defensive franchise.

4. WASHINGTON REDSKINS - Russell Okung, OT Oklahoma State

If you trade for a 33-year-old Donovan McNabb, you'd better be sure you can protect him. The Redskins' complete focus in this year's draft should be on offense, where they ranked 26th in the NFL last season. Jason Campbell was sacked a whopping 43 times last year, and he's known as a somewhat mobile QB. He's also now a backup whom 'Skins fans will never want to see on the field again.

5. KANSAS CITY CHIEFS - Bryan Bulaga, OT Iowa

In terms of offensive tackles, he and Okung are touted as the two surest bets in the draft. The natural inclination is to think of fellow Hawkeye Robert Gallery, a bust of a tackle drafted 2nd overall in 2004 by the Raiders. The Chiefs will draw no comparison though, and after investing so much of their offensive future in Matt Cassel, the position of need is obvious.

6. SEATTLE SEAHAWKS - Dez Bryant, WR Oklahoma State

He's easily the X-factor of the draft: Undeniable talent on the field, but potentially a project off the field. Bryant has been criticized for his lack of "life skills" (showing up late to practice and games), but it's not like he's a criminal. Still, it will take some level of risk for the team which selects him. If he gets it together though, he would look mighty fine across from T.J. Houshmanzadeh, and the window on Matt Hasselbeck is slowly closing.

7. CLEVELAND BROWNS - Eric Berry, S Tennessee

Berry has drawn comparisons to Ed Reed, and while the Browns clearly need to find their quarterback of the future, they can't afford to keep missing on 1st round selections. Of its last 11 1st round picks, only 2 remain on Cleveland's roster. Mike Holmgren has considered moving up for a chance at Sam Bradford, but seemingly every other QB is being looked at with an air of caution. The secondary of the NFL's 2nd worst defense from 2009 could use a quarterback just as bad.

8. OAKLAND RAIDERS - Trent Williams, OT Oklahoma

Some have Clausen going here, but the sting of JaMarcus Russell is still wearing off in Oakland and even Al Davis might be a little gun-shy on a QB. The Raiders might as well prepare for the prospect of someday having a quarterback worth protecting. Williams helped to turn Sam Bradford into the probable #1 overall pick, and hopefully he works out better than the aforementioned Gallery (hey, it can't go worse...).

9. BUFFALO BILLS - Jimmy Clausen, QB Notre Dame

There's a new head coach in Orchard Park (Chan Gailey), which often means a little house cleaning is in order. I think it's safe to say that Trent Edwards isn't the answer under center, and Clausen seems to have the most upside of any QB not named Sam Bradford (even though I love Colt McCoy). His biggest issue around the league is arrogance, but in an NFL QB, I'm not so sure that's a bad thing.

10. JACKSONVILLE JAGUARS - Jason Pierre-Paul, DE South Florida

The Jaguars have issues that extend far beyond the field. More specifically, they can't sell tickets, which is why some suggest Clemson running back C.J. Spiller in this spot. He's a home-run-hitter who would complement the steady, bowling ball known as Maurice Jones-Drew. However, the Jags desperately need a pass rusher, and despite having only 7 collegiate starts under his belt, Pierre-Paul played just down the road in Tampa and is a very intriguing DE prospect.

11. DENVER BRONCOS - Rolando McClain, LB Alabama

Trading Brandon Marshall clearly leaves a gaping hole at WR for the Broncos, but even if Dez Bryant is still available, does Josh McDaniels really want another headache out there? McClain anchored a championship defense at Alabama, and he's the cream of the crop at possibly the weakest position in the draft: Inside Linebacker. He'd be an ideal complement to D.J. Williams in the 3-4 scheme.

12. MIAMI DOLPHINS - Dan Williams, DT Tennessee

Miami basically needs a fat guy to clog the middle and take up blockers. Enter the 327 pound Williams, who would be almost guaranteed to start from day 1 with Jason Ferguson suspended for the first 8 games of the season. Outside linebacker (a position filled by veterans of late) is also a possibility, but the Dolphins' priority is perhaps more clear than any other team.

13. SAN FRANCISCO 49ERS - Joe Haden, CB Florida

Nate Clements hasn't really lived up to his contract in the Bay Area, he's now on the wrong side of 30, and Haden is the consensus best cornerback in the draft. The Niners own picks #13 and #17 in the 1st round, so they can go after a right tackle or another skill position in just a few selections.

14. SEATTLE SEAHAWKS - Anthony Davis, OT Rutgers

Walter Jones is 36 years old, coming back from 2 knee surgeries, and hasn't played a snap since Thanksgiving Day 2008. He used to be arguably the best tackle in the game, but needless to say a changing of the guard (in this case tackle, but a guard wouldn't hurt either) is necessary. Seattle allowed 49 sacks last year, and Matt Hasselbeck should fear for his life.

15. NEW YORK GIANTS - Earl Thomas, S Texas

I'll be honest, this pick makes little sense given the fact that the Giants have already signed Antrel Rolle and Deon Grant as safeties in the off-season. However, Rolle can play corner, and Grant was only locked up for one year. Plus, if every team drafted based on need, then mock drafts would be far more reliable.

16. TENNESSEE TITANS - Derrick Morgan, DE Georgia Tech

Morgan racked up 12.5 sacks in his Junior season at Georgia Tech and barely had any help in doing so. The Titans lost Kyle Vanden Bosch to free agency (seems like he was in Tennessee forever) and have a clear need at defensive end. It wouldn't kill Tennessee to get a decent wideout for Vince Young, but that will have to wait until later rounds.

17. SAN FRANCISCO 49ERS - C.J. Spiller, RB Clemson

If Spiller is still there at the 49ers second pick, Mike Singletary will headbutt someone to celebrate. Sure San Francisco needs a cornerback, but since Haden is gone, he'll "settle" for the best running back in the draft. The knock on Spiller is that he's more of a change of pace back that can break open a game, but isn't a 25 carry guy. Well, Frank Gore will take care of that. Just wind up Spiller and let him go.

18. PITTSBURGH STEELERS - Mike Iupati, OG Idaho

The Steelers could really use a corner, but Joe Haden is gone and the second rated guy, Kyle Wilson, is not known as a physical defender. That doesn't sound like it would fly in Pittsburgh. So it comes down to a decision between Maurkice Pouncey and Iupati to fill an offensive line spot. Pouncey is more highly rated, but he's not the road grater that Iupati is. Hence, the Steelers go with the nastier guy.

19. ATLANTA FALCONS - Brandon Graham, DE Michigan

Graham is short for a defensive end (he's 6'1" and he's considered "short", doesn't that make you sick?) But he can rush the passer and the Falcons sucked at that last year. Picking Graham allows the Falcons to move Jamaal Anderson around to a place where he doesn't rush the passer as much. Because he clearly isn't good at that.

20. HOUSTON TEXANS - Kyle Wilson, CB Boise State

And the great Indianapolis chase continues. Houston got shredded... again... by Peyton Manning last year. Then their best corner, Dunta Robinson, left for Atlanta. (Quick aside: how many different ways can you spell the name Dante? I can think of four off the top of my head.) So Houston grabs a pass defender here to try and stop the bleeding. Lots of people think the Texans will get a big back like Ryan Matthews here, but you can get runners later in a draft; good corners go quickly.

21. CINCINNATI BENGALS - Jermaine Gresham, TE Oklahoma

I keep thinking that the Bengals won't invest in a tight end since they don't use that position much. Then again, the Bengals have never had an elite tight end to use. The Bengals need a big red zone target now that Chris Henry is currently not alive and Gresham is a big, athletic guy who can take pass defenders away from Chad Ochocinco.

22. NEW ENGLAND PATRIOTS - Jared Odrick, DT Penn State

Who the hell knows what the Pats will do? Chances are they'll trade down and pick up even more draft picks, but since we aren't doing that on this mock draft, they'll stay put. I'll go with what I know: New England traded away defensive end Richard Seymour last year, the defense had trouble, and Odrick is a big guy that can take over that end spot. Plus, Odrick is a Joe Pa guy which means you can teach him.

23. GREEN BAY PACKERS - Maurkice Pouncey, C Florida

Did anyone see the beating Aaron Rodgers took last year? The Packers could upgrade any offensive line position, so they take the highest rated lineman in the draft. Pouncey can play guard or center. The Packers only wish he could play both at the same time.


The Eagles usually take big guys with their first rounders, but the top linemen are all off the board and Philly has major issues at safety now that Brian Dawkins is gone. Mays has some question marks, but he's big and he's fast. The Eagles got shredded by Dallas last year, so it's time to tighten up that D.

25. BALTIMORE RAVENS - Everson Griffen, DE USC

Ravens also need a corner, but GM Ozzie Newsome is well known for just grabbing the best player around and most boards have Griffen rated above any of the corners who are left. The Ravens could use a defensive end and Griffen is an athletic one.

26. ARIZONA CARDINALS - Sergio Kindle, OLB Texas

The Cardinals need an inside linebacker more, but the Cardinals can't pass on a talent like Kindle. He can learn behind Joey Porter and then when Porter's mouth gets him cut, Kindle can take over.

27. DALLAS COWBOYS - Roger Saffold, LT Indiana

Saffold has been shooting up draft boards recently and the Cowboys need a tackle. If they have a corner rated higher, they could go in that direction, but Saffold will fill a big need and he's a big man (something the Cowboys like on the offensive line.)

28. SAN DIEGO CHARGERS - Ryan Matthews, RB Fresno State

L.T. is gone and Darren Sproles is a scat back type. Matthews is the best big back in the draft and the Chargers won't hesitate in grabbing him to team with Sproles.

29. NEW YORK JETS - Jerry Hughes, OLB TCU

The Jets traded to get Mark Sanchez some help at receiver, now it's time to make Rex Ryan's defense more frightening. Hughes will have to make a transition to outside linebacker from defensive end, but no one doubts that he can rush the passer.

30. MINNESOTA VIKINGS - Devin McCourty, CB Rutgers

The Vikings are just sitting there waiting to see what falls to them and they decide to grab a corner. We all saw what Drew Brees did to the Vikings' secondary during the NFC Championship game. Minnesota is trying to close up the remaining defensive holes in order to make a championship run... if Grandpa Favre returns.


The Colts can always use big bodies on the defensive line as their quest to stop the run better continues. Price is a 300 pounder who will eat up space and let those Colts defensive ends create havoc.

32. NEW ORLEANS SAINTS - Sean Weatherspoon, LB Missouri

This is the best possible scenario for the Saints. Not only is Weatherspoon the best player still available, but he plays a position of need for the Saints. Plus he wore black and gold in college! Whoopie! Happy times all around on Bourbon Street!

Hmmm. So that's the mock draft. I looked at some of Alastair's picks and went "wha?!" I'm sure he did the same with some of mine.

We both agree, however, that these are most of the names that you will hear in the first round on Thursday night. The order may be different, but the players will remain the same.
Hooray! NFL Christmas is almost here!

Sunday, April 18, 2010

Live Or Memorex?

Most people agree that this clip is a bogus digital touch-up:

Isn't there some part of you that hopes this is real though? We want to think our sports heroes are capable of feats like this not only because it's neat, but also because I've thrown footballs into trash cans before and I don't want to think that the difference between a shchlub like me and and a Hall of Fame quarterback is the fact that he's 6'2" and I'm not.

Friday, April 16, 2010

The Day My Basketball Head Went Insane

So the NBA playoffs are here the Western Conference is a molten pile of teams all within a few games of each other. Aside from those bastard Lakers, the wild west is anyone's conference. It will all be about the right match ups.

The Phoenix Suns might be able to run Portland out of the stadium, but the Utah Jazz might give them fits. Meanwhile, Denver might smoke Utah, but can't beat Portland. It's all a nice muddy ball.

That's why I'm actually happy that the Dallas Mavericks are playing the San Antonio Spurs in the first round.

Say what? I'm happy the Mavericks get the Spurs, the only team other than the Lakers to win multiple championships this decade? Four championships to be exact. That's how many rings Tim Duncan has on his fingers. Then you have Tony Parker, Manu Ginobli, coach Papovich...that's a lot of winning right there.

Oh, and the Spurs are getting healthy at the right time. The team is coming together to make a playoff run and they look nasty. So why in the name of Mark Cuban am I happy?

Because Dallas is built to beat the Spurs. The team obsessed with San Antonio because for most of this decade, that was the team to beat. The Mavericks know the Spurs. They aren't afraid of the Spurs.

The other option would have been Portland. That seems like a great match-up now that All-Star guard Brandon Roy isn't playing for the Trailblazers due to a knee injury. Yet Portland is 3-1 against the Mavs this year and the last game in Portland was ugly. Fouls were called, fans were ejected, debris was thrown on the floor.

These are not things you need to add into a playoff game if you want to advance. It's hard enough to move forward in the west without adding a fan frenzy against your particular team. Portland fans would be out for blood against the Mavs and it all adds up to extra energy needed to survive during the away games. Dallas would probably win the series, but they'd advance as a tired team into the next round. Add in the extra travel to Portland compared to San Antonio, plus the two hour time zone change and you're talking lots of added stress.

I may rue the day I actually rooted to play San Antonio, but I'd rather see a familiar foe that's only an hour plane ride away rather than the great unknown in a distant land known as Portland.

It's the playoffs and I'm craaazy!

Wednesday, April 14, 2010

PantsCast April 13

What up with the Pittsburgh Steelers, why I think you should want the Lakers gone from the NBA playoffs, and Tiger Woods isn't quite as zen as he claims. Plus, the unfortunate week for a puppy and we welcome back Jason to his ventilation shaft in New York City.

Click Here For Pants...Casting

Monday, April 12, 2010

Not Good Vs. Evil, But Good Storyline Vs. Bad Storyline

I'm not a golf guy. I find it gut crushingly boring and I don't understand how people can sit there listening to an announcer whisper while a guy stares at a course for five minutes and then hits a ball. I mean, I thought baseball was slow.

But Tiger's return caught my attention. Not enough to actually watch golf, but I did follow the leader board to see if Tiger was back. He was for several days and then he faded.

Instead, Phil Mickelson won the Master's tournament and got to wear the hideous green jacket. And that's where the fun began.

If you haven't already heard, Mickelson's wife was diagnosed with breast cancer not too long ago. She's been suffering and has been too weak to attend any of Phil's recent golf matches. Mickelson has always been a family first guy, so the news hit many golf fans harder than if it were say...Tiger Woods.

So there it was on Sunday. Mickelson making a few slick shots and going on to victory. He immediately went over to hug said wife who was only strong enough to make it to the course that day and still had to just sit at the 18th hole because she couldn't walk the full thing. It was a Hollywood moment.

Meanwhile, there was Tiger, looking miffed and being very short with the interviewers after the match. Apparently all of this Zen Buddism that Tiger had once again embraced wasn't making him very happy.

So naturally, the story was about the family guy with a cancer riddled wife beating his arch rival who was out with whores while his wife waited unsuspectingly at home. That was the natural progression of things.

I've read Facebook messages and have already seen the backlash against the good triumphs over evil storyline. I understand. First of all, it's Tiger. Most of us want to see him and the golf ratings show that. Secondly, the story is way too black and white. It wasn't Ghandi beating Osama Bin Laden. They were two rival golfers. One beat the other. That's what happens.

Well, get used to it. Tiger brought it on himself with his actions and he will be part of these type of comparisons for a while whenever he's beaten by a seemingly decent man. Call it his pennance. It's the storyline and whining about it won't help anything.

It's what sports moments are all about.

Sunday, April 11, 2010

Goodbye Stadium of Memories, Headaches

It finally happened today. Texas Stadium was brought to the ground.

The home of the Dallas Cowboys from 1970 to last year was home to so many great teams, games, and plays, that it boggles the mind. The great Roger Staubach, Troy Aikman, and Emmitt Smith played there. Tom Landry roamed the sidelines in his hat. Countless NFC championships were played there as well as monster games with the Redskins, Eagles, 49ers, Packers, and Giants. The stadium was home to countless memories.

It was also a verifiable disaster.

You don't hear about Texas Stadium among the awful stadium lists. Old Veterans Stadium in Philly usually takes the prize of nasty fields with it's giant seams in the turf where players could snap an ankle, the rock hard playing surface on cold days, and the jail located directly under the stadium.

I don't argue with that list, but don't think Texas Stadium was some sacred building because it wasn't. That place sucked. I went there many o' times.

There was the pre-season game against Oakland when I almost suffered dehydration because I drank one beer. ONE. Not an alcoholic's version of one beer which is roughly seven to ten beers. One beer. The rest was the hot, airless, atmosphere around me.

There was also the time I saw a late season game against the Giants when Big D had an early season freeze. I spent most of that game shivering uncontrollably.

There was the time when I had to walk what seemed like a mile to find a bathroom in working order and there was the time I had a great big fat person sitting next to, no, on top of me.

The point is, Texas Stadium was a place that had as much gameday atmosphere as a library. The stadium looked like a bowl of concrete surrounded by pavement. There was very little tailgating (you can blame that on the fans if you'd like), and there were no discernible visuals as you walked towards the stadium.

The most recognizable trait of Texas Stadium was the giant hole in the roof which was fabled to be there so God could watch his favorite team play. Well, I hope God had fun because the rest of us were caught in a trap that was closed off enough to prevent any cool breezes from blowing in, yet the hole made air-conditioning impossible. That meant a stagnant mass of nasty air and the smell of sweat all around you during the early season games.

When the weather turned cold late in the season, the metal seats managed to turn your butt and feet into blocks of ice. While the dome build of the stadium may have kept out the harshest of winds, the giant hole allowed plenty of frigid air into the place.

The field was built to drain water to the sidelines and it was built at such an arc (to allow water from the middle of the field to run to the sides), that if a quarterback was throwing a pattern to the sideline from the middle of the field, he could only see the top half of his receiver.

I know most stadiums aren't super comfy. I can't imagine watching a December game in Chicago or Green Bay. But those places at least have atmosphere. All Texas Stadium had was a crowd that seemed more suited for the Master's gold tournament than a football game and a lot of concrete.

So as we waved goodbye to Texas Stadium let us remember that it wasn't the stadium that brought us the memories, it was the teams playing in the stadium that brought us the memories. Those will stay with you with or without the giant eyesore off of Loop 12 in Irving, Texas.

Friday, April 9, 2010

Those Old Space Invaders

If you're an fan of old school video games (back in the Atari days when a character consisted of a pile of different sized rectangles), you'll love this new short by Patrick Jean:

Do you think Patrick may have played some Missile Command in his day?

Thursday, April 8, 2010

Watch Out For Grandpa

Brett Favre is now both an NFL quarterback (I think) and a grandpa.

I have no idea if this is an NFL first (after all, Travis Henry did play in this league,) but I can't imagine too many players have all the pieces fall together for a run through the NFL as a grandfather. First of all, the player has to have a kid at a young age. Favre became a father while he was still a teenager. Secondly, the kid has to have a baby while they're young. Favre's daughter is only 21. Finally, and the most difficult one to pull off, the player has to last forever in the NFL. I'd say 20 seasons is a nice long career for Favre.

So there wiggles Parker Brett at seven pounds, seven ounces. He'll get to enjoy many of the perks that come with having a famous athlete for a grandfather- growing up wealthy, free passes to an unlimited number of sporting events, all the Wrangler jeans he can wear to name a few.
But there are some drawbacks to having a grandfarver. Parker has to be prepared for these experiences as he grows up:

1. Catch: Boys generally enjoy playing a game of catch with Grandpa. I predict that Parker will hear is grandfather say "that's okay son, go pick your finger off the ground" at least once. Brett has a big arm and he loves to use it. Even when he's being careful with the grandchild, He'll get caught up in the moment and unleash a laser that will promptly concuss Parker's head or remove one of his appendages. Hey, it's part of the game.

2. Quarterback: The good news is that Parker will have an open invitation to try out for quarterback if he decides to play Pee-Wee football. That's also the bad news. Parker Favre could be the smallest kid on his team and he's be expected to play quarterback. Coaches are stupid like that sometimes. They could see a kid that weighs 280 pounds, but if his last name is Manning, he's playing QB. I only hope Parker either likes quarterback, or doesn't play football at all.

3. John Madden: He's in love with Brett Favre. There will be an awkward moment in there somewhere for little Parker.

4. Pizza or Burgers?: The old man can't make a decision and stick with it. Poor Parker will have daily plans changed dozens of times when he visits the grandparents.

5. Gas: Anyone who has seen a story about Brett Favre knows he is full of hot air. Literally. The man loves to burp and fart. It's only a matter of time before little Parker receives his first Dutch Oven. That will be an unfortunate evening.

Ole Brett has much to teach his grandchild. Hopefully the first thing will be how to stay retired.

Tuesday, April 6, 2010

PantsCast April 5

The end of March Madness, the beginning of baseball, and a moving McNabb. Special guest appearance by Faith the Eagles fan.

Click Here for the PantsCast

Monday, April 5, 2010

Biblical Matchup

It's interesting that tonight's National Championship game should fall the day after Easter. After all, it's the perfect match-up of David vs. Goliath.

Both Duke and Butler are basketball schools that are known for basketball. That's about where the similarities end:

Duke has three titles and countless Final Four appearances in the last thirty years. Butler has, including this trip, one.

Duke has Coach K and a pile of high school All-Americans that were plucked from New Jersey to Oregon including Jon Scheyer, who looks a little like the evil guy from Live Free or Die Hard. Butler has a star player who looks like he should still be in high school.

Duke Duke spends around $650,000 per basketball player in the program. Butler spends less than $350,000 on the entire team.

Duke is a high profile program that elicits strong feelings of loyalty or hatred throughout the country. Butler has a cute little bulldog wearing a jersey.

As much as we hear about the Cinderella story in college basketball, she rarely makes it to the final weekend. The title game usually involves names like North Carolina, Kansas, and Connecticut. Yet here is Butler, the classic mid-major. Not pretty, just effective.

Keep in mind, of course, that Butler was ranked in the top 20 pre-season. This team didn't just come out of nowhere. But the name just doesn't roll off the tongue when it comes to college basketball championships.

Tonight will feature the most hated team in college basketball looking to crush the spunky underdog who is playing just miles from the campus. The crowd will be rooting for Butler, most Americans will be rooting for Butler, but Duke won't care. They have the ability to crush Butler and the underdog dream by halftime.

The odds are against the Bulldogs, but if it was evenly matched, then we wouldn't have such a biblical match-up.

It's time for the underdog to bark or go home.

Sunday, April 4, 2010

The Day Your Wish Unfortunately Came True

I'm a big Donovan McNabb fan. I think he gets a raw deal in Philly. I'm also a Jason Campbell fan simply because I think he's been jerked around too much in Washington.

Now I get to see both set up to fail for the Redskins. Yippie.

McNabb goes from a team that finally got him some dangerous receivers to a team with Santana Moss, Chris Cooley, and a pile of unknowns, plus a shredded offensive line and a group of running backs that would have been good if this were 2004.

I still feel nauseous from this trade. If you've ever watched a player you enjoy traded to your absolutely least favorite team, then you know how I feel. I never wish success for the Redskins. I hate the organization from their assh*le moneybags owner all the way down to the offensive mascot. And now I have to root for Donovan to fail when all I wanted was for him to leave Philadelphia and win a title just so he could thumb his nose at all the boo-birds that never gave him his due.

And get ready Eagles fans (or at least the ones booing McNabb). You are about to get what you dreamed of...a McBabbless Eagles team. And just so you can see how much he sucks, you get to see the Eagles play against McNabb twice a year.

I just read an Eagles fan board and many fans are stunned that Philadelphia would trade their franchise quarterback to a division rival. They should be stunned. The team has just given McNabb two chances a year to stick the ball right in their tail feathers.

Yet there were other fans that were overjoyed now that D-Nabb is gone. Apparently ranking first in most Eagles passing categories wasn't enough. Neither were the five NFC championship games and Super Bowl appearance. No title equals no love.

Well here is your chance guys. No McNabb to hold the Eagles back. Kevin Kolb is the man from now on.

Of course, there will be no more McNabb to make plays either. No more signature McNabb scrambles and no more Thriller dances in the endzone.

You asked for it and you got it. Now let's see how long you guys are happy with it.

Friday, April 2, 2010

Mr. Bradford Sees His Future. And It's Not Pretty

There is rampant speculation now that the St. Louis Rams will take QB Sam Bradford with the first pick of the NFL Draft later this month.

It makes sense. The Rams desperately need a quarterback and Bradford had a great workout to solidify himself as the top signal caller of the draft.

But what awaits Sam I Am? Sure, a crappy team, but we all knew that. How about a crappy team with this in it's history?

Sorry Sam. Good luck.