Who Were Those Guys?

If you read the grades from the NFL draft last week, you will notice that no one agrees on much.

Some writers gave Seattle an A+ while others say the Seahawks' draft was overrated. I've seen San Francisco get two thumbs up for spending early picks on fixing the team's offensive line while others claim the 49ers reached to get their picks.

The grades vary so greatly that you have to wonder if everyone was watching the same draft and who is right and who should never be taken seriously as a draft prognosticator.

The only thing I noticed most draft sites agreeing on is that the Raiders had a good draft.

I'll repeat that: the RAIDERS had a good draft.

What the hell is going on here? I was looking forward to the comedic value that is a Raiders draft. You say there are three players that would be a smart pick at this point in the draft? Well, the Raiders aren't picking any of them. They're picking a lettuce shredder at Taco Bell who ran a 4.2 second 40 yard dash when he accidentally lit himself on fire at the Tortada station.

It's been a highlight of the draft for a decade: guess who's going where and then watch the Raiders throw the entire draft into flux when they make a completely boneheaded pick that no one can see coming. As the Raiders approached their turn to draft, my friends and I began throwing out over/unders on how random their pick would be. It's like being at the office Christmas party and seeing which gag gift you end up with.

And then Oakland goes off and does something totally logical and normal. I feel so empty and unsatisfied. Rolando McClain is a solid pick for a middle linebacker and a team leader the Raiders have so desperately needed. They got Lamar Houston to fill in a defensive tackle spot and add some extra help to one of the worst run defenses in the league.

Then came the big move: the Raiders traded starting quarterback and resident fat ass JaMarcus Russell for team leader and hard worker Jason Campbell. Suddenly, the Raiders came to grips with the fact that they had the laziest bust of a quarterback jiggling his belly behind center. Before, you could look at Russell and feel safe knowing that he would personally blow four or five games for Oakland since he doesn't understand how to read a defense (and doesn't bother to learn.)

Now, they have a quarterback that has been yanked around every year while he was in Washington despite his admirable work ethic and you can't help but root for the guy. It's like the Raiders have suddenly bought a computer instead of stubbornly relying on the 1965 typewriter...basically, they got a clue.

I feel confused and alarmed by this. Before, I could always count on the Raiders being the benchmark for futility in the modern NFL. If you had a worse record than Oakland, your team needed to change. Now, the Raiders might actually build something good. And a whole generation of football fans will question reality.

There Are Just Too Many NFL Teams That Play Like Ass

Are you forced to follow a dolorous team that leaves you feeling as fulfilled as Tony Siragusa after a Weight Watchers meal?

Well, apparently NFL players are feeling similar and are choosing passive aggressive ways to display their dissatisfaction.

First, as you may recall from an earlier post, Devin Hester was none too pleased with the play of his Chicago Bears and chose to let the world know:
Now we see Tommy Kelly of the Oakland Raiders letting everyone know what he thinks of the silver and black.





Don't give me that "it was an accident" crap either. Two players on awful teams showing the world their backside? That is a trend, folks. I'd be careful if I were the Raiders. They might get a, ahem, taste of their own medicine since they play the Browns next week. Ewwwwww, Browns!

Kill me.

A Silver and Black NFL Prime Time... Wha?

Al Davis is either paying off Roger Goodell or threatening to sue the league again.

That's the only conclusion I came to after the NFL released it's kickoff and Thanksgiving schedule for the 2009 season.

Most of it makes sense:

The season, as per usual, starts off with the defending Super Bowl champions hosting a game on Thursday night. This year it's the Steelers hosting the Titans in what should be a bone crushing game where a grand total of 15 points are scored.

It won't be entertaining from a offensive perspective, but it's the Super Bowl champs against the team with the best record in the AFC last season. The matchup makes sense for the NFL.

The first Sunday night game will have Chicago visiting Green Bay. Meh. I don't get particularly excited about either of these teams and their championship hopes next season, but it's a classic rivalry. Again, I understand the NFL's thinking on this.

The first Monday night football game is Buffalo at New England. Great ratings possibilities with the return of Tom Brady and the Bills coming to Foxboro with newly signed knucklehead, T.O. Makes total sense.

Even two of the three Thanksgiving Day games are fine:

Green Bay at Detroit isn't particularly exciting, but that has more to do with Detroit and they always play on Thanksgiving so there isn't anything to be done there. At least it's a division game.

The NFL network gets the Giants at the Broncos. Who knows what will be going on with these two teams by Thanksgiving? But the Giants are a upper echelon team and the Broncos are traditionally strong at home, so a good matchup on paper.

I commend the NFL for scheduling interesting games for a national audience to see.....except for two.

The game following the Bills/Patriots matchup on the opening Monday night is San Diego at Oakland.

The other game on Thanksgiving is Oakland at Dallas.

Oakland? The Oakland Raiders?

What in the past seven years of NFL football makes you think the Oakland Raiders need to be watched by a national audience? Twice? I admit it's funny to see the Animal House like tumult coming out of the Raiders camp, but that team is no fun to watch on the field.

In fact, just three years ago we were "treated" to a San Diego at Oakland game to begin the season. The Chargers won 27-0 and the game wasn't even that close. Aaron Brooks (hey! remember him?) threw for 68 yards and was sacked nine times. Niiinnnne times.

Simply stated, the Raiders are San Diego's beotch.

Hell, the Raiders were pummeled by the Broncos on Monday Night just last year!

So let's do it again! In fact, let's put Oakland on national television during Thanksgiving too!

The Raiders very well could be better this year, but that's not saying much. The team has had a double digit loss season every year since 2002. That doesn't bode well for an entertaining contest.

The NFL could have given us the new look Chiefs with Matt Cassel, or the Rex Ryan Jets, or the freakin Cardinals. The Cardinals did go to the Super Bowl last year. Maybe they deserve a national game for once. The Denver Broncos would be the perfect team to open the season at San Diego with the Jay Cutler soap opera and the rivalry he has with Phillip Rivers. I would love to see that.

Nope. We get the Raiders. Twice.

Maybe Al's going to move them to Los Angeles again.

Al Davis, C'mon Down!

Because really, where else does Terrell Owens have to go?

He's personally destroyed two teams and was a key problem in the collapse of a third. That leaves the silver and black as the only potential suitor because of the owner who seems to be stuck in an episode of Quantum Leap when he's transported into the body 1975 mafia thug. A Jewish mafia thug that resembles Al Pacino in Donnie Brasco. Nevermind.

Actually, Davis could very well be suffering from dementia at this point and thinks he really is in the 70's again. If he calls T.O. 'Cliff Branch,' just say a quick prayer for the Bay Area.

I really can't think of another team that would be willing to take the T.O. taste challenge. Not with Marvin Harrison sitting out there. He may have trouble at car washes, but he doesn't collapse teams.

Plus, T.O. is 35 years old. He's still talented and nine times out of ten that means a team will take the risk, but this is the one exception. The history of T.O. is too great to parry away. You can't sell him to fans as a talent that was just misunderstood at his past three stops. The only chance for a team to grab T.O. is if the team thinks they are one wideout away from the Super Bowl. The Vikings are that type of team, but you can bet that they aren't dealing with any character flaws as long as there are party boats on the lakes. Nope, there doesn't appear to be a reason for any team to bring that cancer into their locker room.

Unless you have JaMarcus Russell throwing the ball to him. Then again, Davis already failed with one cantankerous wide receiver signing. If the Raiders show no interest in Owens, he might not have anywhere else to go. In that case, the only course of action I can recommend to T.O. is to find Dennis Rodman's phone number. I bet Drew Rosenhaus has it.