Thursday, April 8, 2010

Watch Out For Grandpa

Brett Favre is now both an NFL quarterback (I think) and a grandpa.

I have no idea if this is an NFL first (after all, Travis Henry did play in this league,) but I can't imagine too many players have all the pieces fall together for a run through the NFL as a grandfather. First of all, the player has to have a kid at a young age. Favre became a father while he was still a teenager. Secondly, the kid has to have a baby while they're young. Favre's daughter is only 21. Finally, and the most difficult one to pull off, the player has to last forever in the NFL. I'd say 20 seasons is a nice long career for Favre.

So there wiggles Parker Brett at seven pounds, seven ounces. He'll get to enjoy many of the perks that come with having a famous athlete for a grandfather- growing up wealthy, free passes to an unlimited number of sporting events, all the Wrangler jeans he can wear to name a few.
But there are some drawbacks to having a grandfarver. Parker has to be prepared for these experiences as he grows up:

1. Catch: Boys generally enjoy playing a game of catch with Grandpa. I predict that Parker will hear is grandfather say "that's okay son, go pick your finger off the ground" at least once. Brett has a big arm and he loves to use it. Even when he's being careful with the grandchild, He'll get caught up in the moment and unleash a laser that will promptly concuss Parker's head or remove one of his appendages. Hey, it's part of the game.

2. Quarterback: The good news is that Parker will have an open invitation to try out for quarterback if he decides to play Pee-Wee football. That's also the bad news. Parker Favre could be the smallest kid on his team and he's be expected to play quarterback. Coaches are stupid like that sometimes. They could see a kid that weighs 280 pounds, but if his last name is Manning, he's playing QB. I only hope Parker either likes quarterback, or doesn't play football at all.

3. John Madden: He's in love with Brett Favre. There will be an awkward moment in there somewhere for little Parker.

4. Pizza or Burgers?: The old man can't make a decision and stick with it. Poor Parker will have daily plans changed dozens of times when he visits the grandparents.

5. Gas: Anyone who has seen a story about Brett Favre knows he is full of hot air. Literally. The man loves to burp and fart. It's only a matter of time before little Parker receives his first Dutch Oven. That will be an unfortunate evening.

Ole Brett has much to teach his grandchild. Hopefully the first thing will be how to stay retired.

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