Tuesday, September 15, 2009

NFL Knee Jerk- Week 1

The NFL changes from week to week, but that doesn't stop us fans from making blanket statements after watching one game. Here are mine:

It's a little early to vote Drew Brees supreme leader: Yeah, Brees is going to be good, he was good last year. But it's Detroit people. That team couldn't stop an offense that was made up solely of chairs and some table lamps.

Jake Delhomme made a bet to play for the next year with his eyes closed: Usually when someone says a player has picked up where he left off in last year's playoffs, it's a compliment. Except when the player in question throws bushels of interceptions in both games.

The Eagles regret that Kevin Kolb pick: A top pick a few years ago for the Eagles, Kolb was supposed to be the quarterback to replace Donovan McNabb. Now the Eagles seem to be scouring the league looking for any castoff. First they signed dog killer Vick and now that McNabb is hurt for a few games, the team decided that 89 year old Jeff Garcia is worth grabbing just for a few games rather than start Kolb. If I were Kevin Kolb, I'd keep renting in Philly because he's not there for much longer.

Cincinnati owner Mike Brown pissed some football god off at some point: Maybe it's Brown's miserly ways or maybe he's the guy that blew up the Hindenburg in another life, but his team can't ever catch a break. Carson Palmer drives the team down for a last minute win only to watch a crazy tipped ball drill ruin the day.

The Rams deserve more ridicule than they get: The Raiders and Lions are always at the front of conversations about inept franchises. The Rams have been just as bad recently. I know, they were in two Super Bowls over the past 10 years. They suck now. Absolutely suck. Might be the worst team in the league this year.

Denver fans will be happy, then sad: Broncos fans will laugh and cheer during the early games this year as Jay Cutler acts like a baby and throws the most interceptions this side of Jake Delhomme. Then the Broncos will come on in the late game and they will be sad because they realize how much their own team sucks.

Buffalo just got it's season wrecked: The Bills have been talking all off-season about turning things around. They come out and gave the Patriots fits. Then the Pats turned around with some sort of Mortal Kombat move and ripped the Bills still beating hearts out of their chests. And the collective sigh of "here we go again" rose from Western New York.

JaMarcus Russell couldn't hit a naval battleship with some of his throws: The Raiders ran all over the Chargers and had receivers running free on nearly every play. Russell hit those receivers about half of the time. He also hit some Chargers defenders a few times as well. Who care if you can throw a deep ball if you only hit your target once every blue moon? Fail.

My television will be muted if ESPN ever gives me the Raiders/Chargers announcers again: ESPN has long made a habit out of shoving shows that have big "personalities" with forced chemistry down our throats. Monday night in Oakland was no different. It was like Mike Greenberg was getting paid by the word.

I know Mike and Mike are used to radio where you have to speak a lot more, but couldn't someone have just told them to lay off? Maybe then they could have recognized who was playing running back for the Raiders (and Darren McFadden with the carry...I mean Michael Bush...wait is that McFadden? I have no idea.) Between those two knuckleheads and Steve Young's condescending talk about how he needs to explain single safety coverage to the viewers because he was an NFL quarterback, I was ready just to turn off the television and go into some lucubration before bed. Will someone please stop ESPN before it ruins sports forever?

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