Wednesday, April 1, 2009

The Consumer Strikes Back

The Consumerist has come out with their annual "Worst Company in America" March Madness bracket in a fun little jape that brings attention to some of the sinister corporations of this country.

I'm here to give you my not expert analysis on the fake tournament:

AIG vs Target
Target has no shot in this first round matchup. AIG has been preparing for this matchup for years and this is it's year to shine.

Peanut Corp of America vs American Express
Tough battle, but
I'll give the nod to American Express based on the historic bastardness of credit card companies.

Walmar
t vs Hewlett Packard
I'm goi
ng to say Walmart because of the complete destruction of the American values that Sam Walton originally instilled into his business. Yet many Americans still consider themselves patriotic for shopping there.

T-Mobil
e vs Best Buy
Weak bracket. Neither of these companies will advance too far. People have had personal problems with each, but both are low on the overall evil poll. I'll take Best Buy in this one.

Ticketmaster vs Time Warner Cable
Possibly the toughest bracket of the first round. Time Warner Cable has a monopoly in parts of New York and they act like it. My favorite move by TWC is the basic cable vs. the deluxe cable packag
e. The difference is about $40 so if you're not a big TV person, you obviously don't need all 300 channels available in the deluxe package. So TWC takes out all of the most popular channels (anything ESPN for men, anything like Bravo for women) of the basic cable package trying to force you to buy the deluxe package. That said, Ticketmaster is pure evil and represents nothing good in this country. I'll take the master.

Apple vs United Health Care
Apple can be annoying with their cutting edge technology that makes your life a living hell to figure it out without paying Apple lots of extra money. But nothing is more infuriating to most Americans than figuring out health care. UHC.

Verizon vs Sprint
Both have the p
roblems and both have annoying commercials. Verizon seems to have nicer customer service people (in my experiences) so I'll give the edge to Sprint.

Home Depot vs Citibank
The Depot has it's problems with shoddy workmanship, but this is Citibank. Give me the bank.

Comcast vs Direct TV
Comcast pisses me off to no end. I take them easily.

US Airways vs Capital One
Again,
there is no way banks get knocked out in the first round. The banking industry is like the Big East of the Worst Company bracket.

General Motors vs United Airlines
GM gets one final push towards worst company since it may not be here next year. United will have plenty of time to make us crazy.

Sears vs Chase
Chase. Banks can't be he
ld back baby!

Ebay/Paypal vs General Electric
I know I closed my Ebay account because I'm tired of dealing with it, so I'll take them. But GE is a classic contender.

Dell vs Chrysler
I've had some issues with Dell, but Chrysler has too much momentum this year.

AT&T vs Circuit City
Meh. Neither one gets me too worked up. I'll take AT&T on incompetence.

Starbucks vs Bank of America
Ohhh. Starbucks is always a darkhorse candidate, but this year the company got a bad draw. Starbucks have too nicely cleaned bathrooms to overtake B of A. The bank moves on.

My fin
al four has Ticketmaster versus AIG on one side and Bank of America taking on Citibank on the other side. Comcast might be able to spring an upset, but I still taking banks.

Most people probably have AIG against Citibank for the championship. I'm going to take an upset though and pick yearly contender Ticketmaster to take the title again.

But if AIG wins it, I won't be surprised.



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