I'm aware of the over reported situation and will post on it soon, including the insanity that is the Washington Redskins actually think they could trade a QB they don't like to the Broncos for a QB they like.
Meanwhile, life is happening and sometimes it's hilarious. Today the website Gawker uncovered a wondrous job listing that is so obnoxious, the company that posted it is just begging to suffer repercussions.
First of all, the magazine has to have a "go-getter" that can do 12 things at once. Wow! Where do I sign up? So we're talking about a high-stress job filled with multi-tasking. Okay, most jobs involve some of that anyways.
Now we get to the fun part. Remember when job experience was good? Yeah, not so much now. If you have ten years direct experience, they want nothing to do with you. Hmm. I've never heard of this before. Experience is bad. Because you might realize they're screwing you over. Only naive people please! Preferably ones who actually enjoy being paid in Skittles.
You're willing to relocate? Sod off. They don't want you and your dedication. They only want people who stumble out of their house and say "I guess I'll go down the street and get a job." This lowers expectations and when they burn you out and fire you, it will be a short drive home.
And, of course, the grand finale of the job listing: they want ROCK STARS baby! So only apply if you're name is Slash or Van Halen. Actually, I bet there are plenty of former rock stars that do need gainful employment.
My friends and I were instant messaging each other over this listing and we decided that we all need to apply of the position. And by "apply", I mean send in the most ridiculously over-the-top resume we can think of.
Here are a few of the ideas quickly discussed over IM. Keep in mind my friend is actually at a job, so she had the ability to think of this while working. Multi-tasking! She's already a candidate for the job!
me: Did you see this little bit of sunshine? I think it's funny:
After all is said and done, I think a different friend of mine summed up the resume perfectly:
Exfoliating the backs of senior citizens with an ice scraper.
Education: Thomas P. Hughes Elementary School.
Salary Requirements: $14 per day (I eat nothing but grits and live in the woods).
Location: Norwalk, CT! (I'm perfect!)
Please send in the resumes. The more over the top, the better.