Wednesday, January 21, 2009

To Ray or not to Ray

There's no question that the Dallas Cowboys had a disaster of a season this year. It wasn't just their 9-7 record either. In fact, I'm of the opinion that this team isn't as good some people think it is.

What sealed the Cowboys' fate in the ass end of NFL history is the fact that it was unlovable. There
is little doubt that there was zero accountability and discipline on this year's Dallas team and even former Cowboys are disgusted. There were very few good things to say about this team, er, collection of well paid players. As a native Dallasite and Cowboy fan, I can think of two things I liked about the team this year:

1.) DeMarcus Ware collecting more sacks than a grocery helper, and...
2.) Jason Witten playing through a broken rib to try and help his team out.

Yet even Witten didn't escape the season unblemished as he was part of the whole bizarre love triangle with Romo and T.O.

Other than that, the album of the Cowboys season brought us such hits as:

"A play
er determined to ruin his chance at a better life" by Pac-Man Jones
"I'm gonna bitch while I sit here with an injured groin" by Terrance Newman
"Wh
y the hell did I sign here, I don't belong" by Zach Thomas
"Still can't cover, still gonna whine" by S Roy Williams

"You're not the only Roy Williams who can do nothing and still whine" by WR Roy Williams
"Too light in the britches to play in the trenches" by Jay Ratliff
"False start again" by Flozell Adams
"Hold
on....to the opposing defender" by Marc Colombo
"First round finesse linebacker" by Bobby Carpenter
"What was the snap count?" by Andre Gurode
"Not a
good NFL receiver, yet here I am" by Patrick Crayton
"Ouch" a duet by Marion Barber and Felix Jones

and everyone's favorite hit
"It's true that we love one another, if by 'love' you mean resent and argue with" by Tony Romo and T.O.

Thro
w in an owner who can't separate his need to be a publicity whore with the desire to build a good team and a lame duck head coach who looks like he should be fishing with a cane pole down by the creek rather than roaming an NFL sideline, and you've got yourself a first-rate NFL calamity.

After the Cowboys ended the season listening to the jeers of a delighted Eagles fans base during one final blowout loss, Jerry has suddenly gone all serious owner on us and has started talking about how the season was unacceptable and that changes will happen. He reminds me of Mr. Mom after he has the soap opera nightmare and decides to get his life back in order.

And yet there remains Jerry in charge of personnel and Wade as head coach. Huh.


Now Jerry is insinuating that he wants to bring in Ray Lewis
of the Baltimore Ravens. Because THAT's what a team needs to revamp it's image.

Everyone makes fun of the Cowboys for bringing in problem guys, so you want to bring in the linebacker known more for his famous stabbing trial than for his spectacular defensive abilities. Lewis has spent the past decade leading a Ravens team that is Public Enemy Number One because they are a bunch of thugs and bullies who attempt to injure and intimidate the opponent. They are the modern day Oakland Raiders. Without the multiple championships.

That being said, Ray Lewis is probably the most charismatic defender on the field today. He is a leader of men when he steps on the gridiron. He would not take any complaints from Roy Williams or Terrence Newman. If he's in charge of the huddle, he could unleash a DeMarcus Ware fury not yet seen. He might even turn Bobby Carpenter into a tough linebacker. Or he might eat Carpenter's heart as an example to others. Either way, he'd get a rise out of everyone.

So tha
t's the package. The Cowboys would get a great defensive leader who could raise the production of those around him. They would also get a total psychopath at the tail end of his career who could simply turn into a loud-mouthed side show who has lost the skills that back up his screeching and suck away any respect the Cowboys had left.

To Ray or not to Ray? That is just one of the questions.



1 comment:

  1. It's perfect! I'd been wondering if there was any way that I could a) hate Ray Lewis more, or b) hate the Cowboys more. Two birds, one stone. Sign him up, Jerry!

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