Friday, January 9, 2009

What Would Jesus Do? Play QB for the Gators Apparently

I need to meet Tim Tebow.

I feel like I'm missing out on a life-changing experience. Never have I heard so many
different commentators fawn all over a single college player. And Brent Musburger wasn't even involved!

I've always been told you can't measure the size of a player's heart. Commentators say that at every NFL Draft. Well, now you can. All you have to do is measure how much smaller his heart is compared to Tebow's because clearly no one has EVER had the willpower and leadership skills he possesses.


Bizarre old coach Lee Corso called him the best 4th quarter leader and player he has ever seen. Wow, that's not a knee jerk reaction or anything.

John Elway? Bah.
Vince Young? He sucks.
Joe Montana? What has he ever done?

Corso apparently decided that one compliment wasn't strong enough, so he amended it by essentially saying that Roger Staubach is the only player that could even sniff Tebow's jock in terms of competitive fire. All the rest of you great players of the past can just go on home, we have a junior from Florida who is perfect.

But let's talk about Tim Tebow the person...

I've heard that so many times I can write in and tell everyone what Tebow has done by memory. I'd say I know it by heart, but I don't know how much storage room my puny little pumper has next to Tebow's. Don't want to sell myself short.

We all know he's a missionary. He helps out children in small island coutnries and has taken his work to Asia and the moon. Everyone outside of the U.S. roots for Tebow and Superman wears his pajamas.

Then when Tebow thanks his lord and savior Jesus Christ after every victory, people cheer as though it's something that's never been uttered before. Does that make anyone else a little uncomfortable? I don't care if a player thanks God or Jesus for a victory. If your faith is what helped you make it through the season grind, then thank away. I just really don't like the approving claps and cheers afterwards. It's like being on a giant daytime talk show.

"Oh listen to that honey, he thanked Jesus for the win. What a nice young man. I'm going to name our next child Tim Tebow."
"But we're Jewish, dear."
"I don't care. I want my next child to be Tim Tebow Ari Epstein."

Tebow is a great talent on a great team. So is Sam Bradford. So is Colt McCoy. And I believe both of those other QB's are pretty good human beings as well. McCoy even led his team in several 4th quarter comebacks this year. The one loss to the Red Raiders was when the D gave up points AFTER McCoy led an amazing comeback.

That doesn't matter though. Tim Tebow is out there and is the equivilant of a solar eclipse for the other great players in college football.

"You built 24 houses for the poor over spring break? That's neat. I hear Tim Tebow built a skyscraper in Mexico City by himself using a power drill and toothpicks."
"You inspired your entire offensive line to lose weight? Huh. I heard Tim Tebow turned all of his linemen into decathletes."
"You got married? I hear Tim Tebow is secretly wed to a former Ms. USA and they are raising foster children from Vietnam."

I really gotta meet this guy.

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