Thursday, January 8, 2009

Al Davis, Where You At?

In a turn of events that I'm sure comes as a huge surprise to everyone, Pac-Man Jones has allegedly screwed the pooch yet again. ESPN is saying that Pac-Man actually put a hit out on someone in an Atlanta strip joint.
First of all, let me congratuate Pac-Man. You sir, are keeping it real. You refuse to give up the thug life even when it means that you will be banned from a dream job that 75% or so of other males would, ahem, kill for. The other 25% are the Dungeon and Dragon players who want nothing to do with athletics.

Secondly, Jones is claiming that ESPN is dead wrong about the story. This wouldn't be the first time ESPN has screwed something up in their haste to get things reported. Ed Werder is not perfect you know. John Clayton is, but he's difficult to watch on T.V. I keep thinking he's going to give me accounting advice. Either one is better than Rachel Nichols and her purple hair. (I like her reporting fine, just not the hyper-color head).

Here's the thing though: Even if ESPN doesn't have the story completely right, this would Pac-Man's tenth allegation. TENTH? I wish Jones had played college ball out on the west coast because he brings new meaning to the term Pac-10.

This brings us to one conclusion. If Jones isn't banned for life from the NFL, he will be required by NFL law to go to the Radiers. Oh yeah. Pac-Man, Michael Vick, and T.O. all need to head to the Bay area. Albert Haynesworth too. He might take a while since he's a top defensive tackle right now, but he needs the freedom to Riverdance on people's heads if he wants to. He'll get that chance in Oakland.

The Radiers suck. They will suck from here on out as long as that management system is in place. So why not make the Raiders a fun side-show? They could be like the Miami Hurricanes without the talent. Seriously, they would be the bad guys that every team had a chance to beat. This is the new hope Obama adminstration. So if you've lost faith in humanity, go watch your NFL team take out a group of convicts and phsycopaths! You'll come away feeling that all is right with the world. Sort of like a Michael Bay movie. Just as cheesy too.

So will Grandpa Darkness please step up? I know ole' Al isn't feeling quite as spry these days, but he still has enough in him to cause a media circus as evidenced by his duel with Lane Kiffin. Plus, Al needs to get back into the drivers seat of over-the-top owners. Jerry Jones has taken the mantle in recent times as he looks to destroy the foundation Bill Parcells built for the Dallas Cowboys.

Do it Al. Take back your rightful title as most overly-involved annoying owner who has no business doing what he's doing. It could be your NFL swan song before you drift off into the abyss and check into the Saddam Hussien suite down in Hades.

1 comment:

  1. I'm all in favor. For some time now, the Oakland Raiders have been the NFL equivalent of a traveling circus. The team routinely goes out of its way to sign any clown or derelict off the street, clearly favoring freakish athletic ability over potential character issues. The problem, of course, is Al Davis' haughty belief in his staff's ability to harness this talent. All the lions & tigers in the world are only a pretty diversion without the proper leadership; which is why, in the end, the Raiders just keep getting bitten. Time will tell whether JaMarcus Russell and Darren McFadden become the dynamic Main Attraction that Oakland envisions them to be, or whether the lack of common sense in the organization renders them just a couple of ho-hum, error-and-injury-prone bells & whistles. There couldn't be a more apt name for their (interim and possibly full-time) head coach than Cable, since the job is really a high-wire act: the balancing of game management and sound football instincts on one side, with the whims of an increasingly senile owner on the other.