I love it when athletic humans work together and risk their health for my entertainment.
Yet, sports isn't atom splitting. Let a heart surgeon be serious, entertainment is fun.
So enjoy the discussions that keep you from your mundane existence that went horribly awry at some point.
Most guys probably have a story of a girlfriend or ex-girlfriend who watches football with them and roots for the team with the cute player. Here you are trying to get into an intense playoff game and she's involved with this abecedarian conversation about how cute Tom Brady is. Sheesh.
Well, the Wall Street Journal published a scientific study that says people with symmetrical faces tend to get more attention as babies and earn more money as adults. So which quarterbacks have the most symmetrical faces according to this study?
Matty Ice
Matt Ryan is the best looking quarterback in the NFL according to this study. The top five are:
The researchers are quick to point out that face symmetry isn't the only thing that makes a person handsome as evidenced by the absence of some heartthrob quarterbacks from the list. My girlfriend, Lindsey, read this study and decided to share her own list. Note: Lindsey is a Denver Broncos fan, but doesn't care for either Jay Cutler (she calls him weepy) or Kyle Orton (current Broncos QB who looks like he always has a haircut from kindergarten.)
Lindsey's list of the five best looking NFL starting quarterbacks:
The big news here is the absence of one Tom Brady whom Lindsey refers to as "Butt chin Brady." She is adamant that his face looks like it's been sucked inwards and he is not deserving of his hunky status. She says Carson Palmer deserves an honorable mention for good looking quarterback, but didn't make the list due to his "Simpson-like teeth." I don't know what that means either. She calls Ben Roethlisberger Mr. Potato Head and says Matt Schaub (of Houston) is a Munster.
Ladies, the floor is yours because I have completely lost control of this subject.
Forget what your hear about the overworked players at the University of Michigan. It doesn't take some sort of ground breaking report to discover that a college football coach has arranged fecund ways to circumvent the NCAA rules about how much they can work athletes.
I guarantee you this happens all over the place in the form of "voluntary" workouts where if you don't volunteer, you don't play.
What should be of concern to Michigan boosters is that people seem to be lining up to throw head coach Rich Rodriguez under the bus. If you've ever seen the movie Airplane, there's a scene where one of the female passengers begins to panic. A stewardess shakes her and tells her to get a grip. Another stewardess shakes the passenger and then slaps her. Then a doctor begins shaking the passenger and slaps her two or three times.....it just keeps getting more violent every time someone attempts to calm the panicked woman down. Finally, the camera pans away and you see a line of people waiting with boxing gloves, lead pipes, brass knuckles, a gun, etc. This is how it's beginning to look in Ann Arbor. Sometimes a major college program hires a coach and it's an instant fit. Sometimes it really isn't.
Texas hired Mack Brown and he instantly fit right in. Arizona hired John Macovich and he pissed everyone off.
North Carolina and Roy Williams couldn't have been a better pair. Kentucky and Billy Gillespie could have been worse.
Several years ago, Ohio State was desperate to beat Michigan. The Wolverines had ruined Ohio State football seasons for too many times in recent memory. The Buckeyes hired a boring man in a sweater vest named Jim Tressel. While being introduced at an Ohio State basketball game, Tressel told the Buckeye crowd that in 300 days or so "in Ann Arbor, we'll make you proud."
The crowd roared and everyone know Tressel got it. He was there to beat Michigan. The next season, the Buckeyes did just that. It was perfect.
A year ago, it was Michigan's turn to hire a coach to take down the rival. Ohio State had been beating the Wolverines senseless for several years now and Michigan fans were fed up with old coach Lloyd Carr and his inability to take out his rival (despite the fact that Carr won a national title in 1997.) So Carr was fired and the Wolverines brought in Rodriguez who had just turned the West Virginia football program into a powerhouse. It would be perfect.
Nope. It was ugly from the start. Rodriguez had a messy divorce from West Virginia and Michigan had to pay a handsome sum to allow Rodriguez to leave. Then came news that Rodriguez had shredded several important papers before he left. Did he know the papers would imply wrong doing or did he just want to screw over the next West Virginia coach? Either way it was a red flag.
Fast forward to today. Rodriguez led Michigan football to it's first losing record since the 1960's last year. No intelligent Michigan fan expected the Wolverines to contend for a title since Rodriguez had to install a completely new system that didn't fit the players he had. Fans expected struggles. Fans didn't expect a 3-9 disaster. That doesn't happen at Michigan.
We are now in year two and the program seems to be coming apart at the seams. Players are transferring, there are grumblings within the program, and now the NCAA is going to investigate whether Rodriguez has broken rules while working out his team.
Sometimes the glass slipper fits. Sometimes it breaks and cuts your foot.
One thing you can always count on in football: when a team starts winning, every other team will start copying it.
Hence, the New England Patriots have been sending coaches and front office personnel to seemingly every other team in the league. I guess these teams hope that somehow the Bill Belichick magic will arrive with the new hires.
Well, it hasn't.
The high profile assistant coaches that have left the Patriots haven't brought any kind of Patriot magic to the new teams. Romeo Crennel? Only one season where he even sniffed the playoffs in Cleveland and has been fired.
Eric Mangini? The Man-Genius had a sparkling debut with the Jets and then proceeded to slowly lose his grip. He was fired and has replaced Crennel in Cleveland. (Side note: Does Cleveland EVER learn it's lesson? I mean Bill Belichick himself failed with the Browns before hitting it big in New England. The Patriot way clearly doesn't work at the Mistake by the Lake.)
Charlie Weiss? The super offensive brain was supposed to turn Notre Dame back into a champ. Still waiting on that one. That doesn't stop other teams from trying to bottle up that New England magic. This year, two AFC West teams are rolling the dice that they can turn into the Patriots west.
Kansas City took the front office route, hiring Patriots vice president of player personnel Scott Pioli to be the Chiefs general manager. Pioli wasted no time in imposing his diktat. He hired his own staff and traded for Patriots linebacker Mike Vrabel and backup quarterback Matt Cassel. The point was clear: Kansas City was going to become New England. Meanwhile, Denver hired Pats offensive coordinator Josh McDaniels, who, at 32 years old, was younger than some of the Broncos players. McDaniels was to create a new atmosphere for a team that had spent over a decade with the same head coach.
So far, so bad. The Chiefs have an offensive line looks like a pile of swiss cheese and in the Chiefs last pre-season game, that sieve of a line got Cassel hurt as he tried to avoid what seemed like 12 different defenders coming at him. So now Kansas City has a franchise quarterback with a sprained knee and seemingly no way of actually playing offense. The Chiefs now just fired offensive coordinator Chan Gaily two weeks before the season, so times are desperate in the heartland.
The Cheifs, however, are a glowing star next to what has become of the Denver Broncos. Within months of arriving, new head coach Josh McDaniels managed to piss off Jay Cutler, his star quarterback, to the point where Cutler forced probably the biggest quarterback trade of the modern era.
Meanwhile, as All-Pro crybaby Cutler left town for Chicago, the Broncos got Not-Pro Kyle Orton in return. If the pre-season is any indication, Orton can't seem to actually throw the ball more than ten yards down the field. Last night he injured his finger...AGAINST CHICAGO. So the Bears come to Denver, beat the Broncos in front of a crazy Denver crowd just desperate for victory over their former quarterback and also injure the Broncos starting quarterback. Backup quarterback Chris Simms is also hurt, so now there are no known players able to take snaps for Denver.
Not that it matters because All-Pro receiver Brandon Marshall was suspended for the entire pre-season because he's a jerk. He's not happy with his money situation and his way of dealing with it is to stand around during practice and punt balls away from the staff and act surly all day. He deserved his suspension, but that doesn't help the Broncos on the field.
Two teams that tried to incorporate the Patriot way. Two teams that now have no quarterback for the near future and no offense. Apparently the Patriot way needs to come with instructions because no one knows how to do it outside of New England.
I'm well aware that there a some of you out there like myself who get all sorts of delectation out of watching college football. Any major team will do. If it's a big game, let me at it. Then there are those of you (I'm looking at my northeastern peeps here) who have difficulty caring one bit about college football. Call you when these guys get to the NFL.
Most of you are in between. You follow your alma mater/state school passionately, but if you live in Nashville, you really don't care what happens in the big west coast game unless it affects your team.
Well, I say enjoy it. College football has just as many storylines as the NFL and while the NCAA is not nearly as clean in picking a champion as the pros are, that makes the arguments that much more interesting. Florida loses a game and suddenly five other teams have a claim to be number one.
CBS Sportsline writer Dennis Dodd came out with a basic list of storylines to follow in college football this year. Most of them will be obvious to college football fans: Who can beat Florida, who will win the Texas/OU game, will Lane Kiffin EVER shut up, the sainthood of Tim Tebow, etc.
He does have a fun list of the all-name team this year. Check out these gems: Offense
QB: Ju-Ju Clayton, Virginia Tech RB-LeGarrette Blount, Oregon RB: Jacquizz Rodgers, Oregon State WR: Dane Sanzenbacher, Ohio State WR: Kito Poblah, Central Michigan OL: Caleb Schlauderaff, Utah OL: Sampson Genus, South Florida OL: Selvish Capers, West Virginia OL: Pontus Bondeson, Duke OL: Omoregie Uzzi, Georgia Tech TE: Michael Hoomanawanui, Illinois
Defense DL: Cordarrow Thompson, Virginia Tech DL: Ndamukong Suh, Nebraska DL: Oscar Ponce de Leon, Tulane DL: Jerzy Siewierski, UCLA LB: Quillie Odom, Virginia Tech LB: Ovid Goulbourne, West Virginia LB: Bear Woods, Troy DB: Ochuko Jenije, Florida State DB: Guesly Dervil, West Virginia DB: Knowledge Timmons, Penn State DB: Boubacar Cissoko, Michigan
Special teams K: San San Te, Rutgers P: Kase Whitehead, Marshall R: Perrish Cox, Oklahoma State
And, of course, the pre-season top 25 and each team's odds to win the National Title so you can laugh when one of them loses:
1. Florida (2/1) 2. Texas (13/2) 3. Oklahoma (9/2) 4. USC (6/1) 5. Alabama (16/1) 6. Ohio State (10/1) 7. Virginia Tech (17/1) 8. Penn State (40/1) 9. LSU (20/1) 10. Mississippi (35/1) 11. Oklahoma State (45/1) 12. California (50/1) 13. Georgia (50/1) 14. Oregon (35/1) 15. Georgia Tech (50/1) 16. Boise State (100/1) 17. TCU (N/A) 18. Utah (75/1) 19. Florida State (20/1) 20. North Carolina (65/1) 21. Iowa (70/1) 22. Nebraska (45/1) 23. Notre Dame (25/1) 24. Brigham Young (N/A) 25. Oregon State (150/1)
Give me Texas or Alabama and the points. No good reason, just because I don't want to pick Florida and for some reason Ohio State has better odds to win than Alabama because it's in a crappy Big 10 conference which just seems wrong. Now go start tailgating so you can be sauced by gametime.
Today was the day I got my doggy spayed. She was all happy and excitable when we brought her to the clinic. If she's completely pissed off and saturnine when my girlfriend and I pick her up, I won't be surprised. After all, she trusts us and all she knows is that we took her somewhere and now she's groggy and in pain.
But at least she doesn't live in Virginia.
The Richmond Times Dispatch has reported that Robin Starr, CEO of Richmond SPCA left her 16 year old dog in a car for four hours. You can probably guess the ending to this story. Dead dog.
Starr has a communication breakdown with her husband and didn't realize the deaf and blind dog was in the car when she went to work. It's a horrible mistake for any dog owner, but multiply that by a thousand when you're the head of an animal loving organization like the SPCA.
This story is also big because the accident happened during the week when dog destroying Michael Vick makes his comeback debut for the Philadelphia Eagles. Where is Michael Vick from? Newport News, Virginia which is about a two hour drive from Richmond.
The only responsible conclusion I can come to is that Virginians hate puppies.
Wide receivers are a bigger crap shoot more than any other position in fantasy football. There is no bigger group of knuckleheads and inconsistent performers. One week Santana Moss gets you 190 yards and three touchdowns while sitting on your bench. You start him the next week and he gets one catch for five yards leaving you with a rictus of shattered dreams as you chew on your couch pillow. Screw you Santana Moss. Not that I'm bitter...
Fantasy Football is all about luck, luck with weather, luck with injuries, luck with the playoffs. So you might as well have some fun.
The following is a list of a few receivers who might be fun to follow this year no matter where they are ranked on your pre-season fantasy list:
1. Calvin Johnson- His nickname is Megatron. He's the 34th wide receiver drafted by the Detroit Lions this decade and yet has managed to make fans into believers. He was the best player on an 0-16 joke last year and while the Lions might be better, they will definitely be behind a lot this year, so he'll see a lot of balls. Did I mention he has one of the coolest nicknames in the league? 2. Steve Smith- He was suspended for three games last year because he punched out a teammate. He epitomizes the Napoleon complex, but still manages to snatch the ball away from defenders who are bigger than him. If he gets the ball in the open field, it's like watching a jack-rabbit run through a herd of elephants. He's fun, plus you never know when he might go all Sugar Ray Leonard on someone again.
3. Anquan Boldin- I call him ornery Anquan because he just looks pissed off all of the time. Boldin can be summed up with one play: he runs deep and the quarterback overthrows him by a mile. The defensive player is running right with him and as the ball goes out of play, Boldin slams into the defender, sending him tumbling across the ground. Why? Because Anquan was pissed that the defender was running with him, so he belted him. He's fun.
4. Terrell Owens- Owens drives away most owners because he's just a ego-maniacal jerk who as attempted to destroy three teams already. Yet he's fun to watch and you can make your own side bets as to when Owens will go after Bills quarterback Trent Edwards. Will he make it through the season, or will Owens blow his top in late October when Edwards misses him with a potential game-winning touchdown pass? It's the train wreck theory in action.
5. Braylon Edwards- Don't draft him if you're serious about winning your league. But if you just want to have some fun while watching football, you can create a drinking game based on how many footballs Edwards drops. You'll be drunk by halftime. 6. Deseaon Jackson- He's talented, yet stupid. Last year he dropped the football before he actually scored igniting a firestorm about how to properly play the game without being a showboat. He's good for another crazy play this year. 7. T.J. Houshmandzadeh- Former Bengal now plays in Seattle and he already stated during a live interview that he wanted to start a fight with a defender during a pre-season game. That's the kind of stuff that will make it's way around the NFL and be the basis for a future brawl.
8. Chad Ochocinco- Stuffy play by play men will have to call him by Ochocinco this year because he legally changed his name. That's wonderful.
These are just some of the receivers you could take in your fantasy draft, but they could all be great one week and then leave you to die the next, so try to grab a few who you can enjoy watching fail.
Yes, I admit it. I'm a fantasy football dork. I check out the lists and try to pick the team that will greatest chance of winning me an imaginary trophy. Then there are others like my girlfriend who's sole goal in a fantasy draft is to get her favorite kicker and to get someone she finds cute/funny/fat. She refuses to draft Baltimore Ravens because they are thugs and she would pass on Randy Moss even if he was guaranteed to get 27 touchdowns next season.
I'm beginning to think she's got the better way because fantasy football is often about luck. Luck with injuries, luck with weather, luck with not losing in the playoffs. So you might as well draft a team you're interested in following throughout the season. After all, what fun is fantasy football if you don't like to watch the players you drafted?
Here's a list of running backs who might be interesting to watch this season:
1. Adrian Peterson- He's the top pick of most drafts, so your chances of getting him are nil, but just check this video out:
That's a freakin marble statue running at you. The mere sight of Peterson makes defensive players truckle and go hide under a bench somewhere. I don't care if it sounds gay, that man is a beast. Too bad he went to Oklahoma in college which requires me to hate him.
2. Maurice Jones-Drew- There is so very little not to like about MJD. He has three names, he's only 5'6" and just over 200 pounds, yet he levels blitzing linebackers that are twice his size. He wears number 32 because he wasn't drafted in the first round, so he wants to remind himself that every one of the 32 NFL teams passed him over at least once. His nickname is Pocket Hercules.
If that isn't enough, here's a story for you: one time while he was playing a game at UCLA, Maurice's grandfather had a heart attack while watching the game. MJD's coach broke the news to him on the sideline during the game and Jones Drew ran right back to the locker room and went to the hospital. I don't know about you, but I get images of Forrest Gump running straight out of an exit in full uniform when he finds out his mama is sick. You really should draft Jones Drew if you can.
3. LaDanian Tomlinson- He was the NFL MVP two years ago when he set an NFL record for touchdowns scored. Then he had an injury-filled season last year (which was still a good year by most standards, just not his). Now fantasy people treat him like a lepor because he's 30 years old and running back lose their mojo quickly. He swears last year was a fluke and he's put to prove people wrong. Will he? You can find out through the season.
If that's not good enough, how about his giving spirit: every time he has a home game, Tomlinson donates tickets so that 21 under-privledged kids can attend the game (his jersey number is 21). That's not all though, after the game, Tomlinson take them out for dinner and a night on the town and at the end of the night, each kid gets a goody bag full of school supplies for the year. Still not convinced? How about the fact that he and his wife get up every Thanksgiving to hand out food to the poor? He's a decent human, grab him.
4. Marion Barber III- Marion the Barbarian or MB3 is the NFL man of mystery. He's on the high-profile Dallas Cowboys, yet he respectfully declines all interviews. When he is interviewed, he answers with a simple "yes sir" or "no sir". To calm down, he quietly plays the piano. Well. Yet behind closed doors, he's one of the biggest practical jokers on the team (according to sources on the inside.) He's known to sneak behind the microphone in the equipment room and make outlandish announcements or make any assortment of sarcastic comments during film sessions. You'll never hear about it from him though because unlike every other player on the Cowboys, Barber isn't constantly looking for a television camera.
5. Darren McFadden- No wonderous story surrounding this guy, but he's super talented and he's on the Raiders which means there is always a potential for him to punch a teammate or coach. Or maybe he'll be punched by the coach. Either way, it should interesting to follow him because at least once you'll read news about the Raiders that makes your jaw drop.
6. Lendale White- Fatty Mcbutterpants lost tons of weight this off-season simply by giving up his tequila habit. We'll see if lasts the season away from the sauce.
So there are some running backs you might be interested in taking this year. May you grab players that you at least enjoy because you're team is just an injury or two away from sucking.
or the team with the cute player. Here you are trying to get into an intense playoff game and she's involved with this abecedarian conversation about how cute Tom Brady is. Sheesh.
from kindergarten.)
s here is the absence of one Tom Brady whom Lindsey refers to as "Butt chin Brady." She is adamant that his face looks like it's been sucked inwards and he is not deserving of his hunky status. She says Carson Palmer deserves an honorable mention for good looking quarterback, but didn't make the list due to his "Simpson-like teeth." I don't know what that means either. She calls Ben Roethlisberger Mr. Potato Head and says Matt Schaub (of Houston) is a Munster.
