Tuesday, June 16, 2009

How Will Joe Buck Top His Debut Show?

For those of you who don't know, Joe Buck has a new talk show on HBO. Buck didn't want some generic sports show where he only talked to boring athletes about very little, so he took a chance and grabbed some comedians for his first show.

Joining Buck on his debut show were actor Paul Rudd, comedian (and Tony Siragusa look alike) Artie Lange from the Howard Stern show, and Saturday Night Live player Jason Sudeikis. I admire Joe Buck for attempting to go out of the box with his guest list and I'm guessing Buck thinks he's pop culture enough to hang with any cutting edge types.

Lange proved this theory incorrect as he launched into a performance that left Buck with anything but a salutary feeling. Buck attempted to laugh off a few of Lange's bad taste comments, but he clearly looked less than comfortable and at one point even asked Michael Irvin for help. Yes, Joe Buck was looking to Michael Irvin for some help on a talk show. That's where this thing went.

If you haven't seen it, check it out:

So now that Buck has set the bar at "scorched earth" for his show, I wonder what other guests he could have on to make him even more uncomfortable.

Here are som
e ideas:

Bobby Clarke and Eric Lindros:
It was an ugly ending in Philadelphia between G.M. Bobby Clarke (a former star player) and s
tar center Eric Lindros. Reeeealll ugly. The Flyers gave up a ton to land Lindros from the Quebec Nordiques. He was going to be the evolution of hockey players and Lindros did have other-worldly talent. He was also a diva and that didn't sit well with a former grinder like Clarke.

Lindros was the top player for the Flyers when he was on the ice. Unfortunately, he was often injured. Clarke didn't think Lindros was willing to play through pain and his frustration boiled over as he watched the Nordiques move to Colorado and win Stanley Cups while his Flyers only had one Finals appearance where they were swept away by the Detroit Red Wings.

The si
tuation came to a head one night when Lindros was found cold and pale while laying in a bathtub. The team ordered him to get on a plane back to Philly. Lindros first went to a nearby hospital and they found he had a collapsed lung. Lindros' father (one of those over-active parents which further angered Clarke) sent a letter to the Flyers stating that Lindros would have died had he done what the Flyers ordered.

The final seasons in Philadelphia saw Lindros stripped of his captaincy, his refusal to resign with the Flyers, and Clarks's refusal to allow Lindros to shop himself to other teams. Lindros ended the final year of Flyers contract sitting out an entire season because he refused to play for Clarke while Clarke refused to trade Lindros out of spite. Did I mention Colorado won some Stanley Cups with the players traded to them for Lindros?

Jose Canseco and Raul Ibanez:
Ibanez would start out denying any steroid accusations. He would offer to pee in a cup right there on set for a drug test. Meanwhile, Canseco would be sitting in the other chair shooti
ng himself full of 'roids. He would keep waving the needle in front of Ibanez saying "don't you want to reach 40 homers this year? You could be the next big thing. Now buy my book."

The show would end when Canseco's testicles physically dropped out of his pants and Rafael Palmiero ran in to declare his innocence again.

Al Davis and George Steinbrenner:
The two deathbed owners would be wheeled in to discuss super
ficial things like whose franchise has the cooler uniforms (silver and black or pinstripes?), but the conversation would quickly deteriorate into which one is more overbearing and who was going to die first.

As an added bonus, Buck could introduce the reanimated corpse of Billy Martin into the mix. Martin may then go full zombie and begin looking for brains to eat. The entire episode would be analyzed and broadcast by former Raider John Madden with help from Emmitt Smith and Shannon Sharpe.

John: "See look at that right there, Emmitt. Boom! Martin bites the key grip. Now the grip is a zombie. "See, the thing I like about zombies is that even though there legs are dead, they're legs are alive."

Emmitt: "Exactly, see he be by the key grip and then he turn his head magnanimously to pontificate the values of the tooths."

Shannon: "Bibbidy Bobbidy Boo!"

John: "I going to marry Brett Favre."

Emmitt: " I have some diamonds. But they're surrounded by cow poo-poo."

Shannon: "Boody Boo! Boody Boo!"

And then Billy Martin zombie bites them and that's the end of that. While you're at it Billy Martin zombie, could you just bite Brett Favre so we don't have to go through that crap anymore?

1 comment:

  1. Al Davis and Lane Kiffin together would be awesome. They should just surprise Al by trotting Lane out there Jerry Springer style. I just want to see if he springs from his chair and mauls Kiffin like a rabid mountain lion. Wouldn't have to be Buck's show, but Buck's reaction could only add to the entertainment.