Sunday, March 21, 2010

The Wise Man Mora

Ex-NFL head coach Jim Mora had been renowned for his legendary press conferences where he emits some sort of insane banter that becomes an instant classic.

Some of his hits include:

"We couldn't do diddly -poo offensively. We couldn't make a first down. We didn't run the ball. We didn't try to run the ball. We couldn't complete a pass. We sucked. We sucked. It was a horse ass performance in the second half. Horse ass!"

"We gave it away. We gave them the friggin' game. In my opinion, that sucked. ... We got our ass totally kicked. Holy crap. I don't know who the hell we think we are when we do something like that!"

Am I emotional? You're damn right I'm emotional! And I apologize!"

And of course, the Holy Grail of press-conference rants:

"Playoffs?! Don't talk about playoffs! Are you kidding me? Playoffs?! I'm just hoping we can win a game, another game!"

Well, I actually quoted Mr. Mora during an argument the other day. English professors quote Shakespeare, Physicists quote Einstein. Football idiots like myself apparently quote Jim Mora. That's cool I guess.

I was talking to a neighbor of mine who's a real blowhard and likes to argue. I managed to get sucked into a discussion/mind-numbing episode about this little health care bill with him. I was simply stating that it's gotten so complicated now that I'm not sure what it's going to do anymore.

He informed me he knew exactly what would happen and went on to paint me this post-apocalyptic world complete with death panels and an impossible task of finding a doctor. He had no prior experience, mind you, he was just regurgitating everything he had heard on Fox News as though it were the word of God or Jeebus or whomever. And doing it in a very condescending way.

It was at this point when I went all Mora on them. I said to him, "You're full of (expletive). You have no idea how this is going to turn out. You don't know how health care will end up working. You just don't know. You may think you know, but you don't know."

It was at this point when I stopped and realized that I was nearly directly quoting Jim Mora when he ranted at the media about how they don't know what his football team was thinking.

It was either a shining moment in my life or a dark spot on the evolution of humanity. And I bet somewhere in the NFL Network studios, Jim Mora smiled. Just a little.

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