Tuesday, February 3, 2009

Nom Nom Nom

Ever since the Super Bowl, I get this reoccurring image in my head: Some crazy owner or CEO at Denny's is sitting in a board room. His eyes flit about quickly as he sweats profusely. Basically Robin Williams is running Dennys. That should give you an image.

His MBA-carrying minions are sitting around discussing the next marketing campaign when the CEO shouts "I've got it! We are going to give free Grand Slam breakfasts the Tuesday after the Super Bowl!"

The room noise stops as though the needle has been scraped off the record player. Everyone just stares at the CEO not sure whether to laugh or panic. Maybe the old guy has finally snapped.

"Uh sir, we're in the middle of a recession. Why would we give away a free breakfast?" asks the only person in the room with the balls to speak up.

"No, that's brilliant!" says the calculating Chief Financial Officer. "We put a small ad in the Monday paper and let the local news stations pick it up. Half the people don't pay attention to the news anyways. It will be good public relations."

The CEO shakes his head, "No, the paper's been done before, everyone's done the paper. We need something bigger. Something that really gets attention. Something that...." The CEO stops and gets a gleam in his eye. Everyone in the room squirms.

"We're going to go all out here folks." the CEO almost whispers. "We're giving away a free Grand Slam breakfast and we are going to advertise it during the Super Bowl."

The room goes silent for a full minute. When people realize the CEO is dead serious about allowing the people of America to defalcate money from the Denny's stockholders, a flurry of action ensues. Several men plead for business reason. The financial officer vomits into a nearby flower pot. One man texts his wife to go get a couple extra bottles of tequila at the liquor store. Others go to update their resumes while others throw caution to the wind and start downloading porn onto all of the computers.

At least that's how I see it. All that matters is that the idea made it to fruition and while I had to brave a crazy old man driver who nearly ran me off the road, a group of elderly people sitting next to me who had to scream in order to talk, and a group of 20-somethings behind me who couldn't go more than three words without using the word "like", I got my free Grand Slam breakfast.

Well done crazy Denny's CEO, well done.

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