Is Jones Jonesing For Another Jones?

For everyone's sake, I hope not.

But according to Newsday.com, "league sources" have said that the Dallas Cowboys and New York Jets are most likely the teams to have interest in free-agent coke-head receiver Matt Jones.

I don't know if league sources means someone employed by the NFL or some guy the editor from Newsday was drinking Irish Car Bombs with on Tuesday night, but I'm pretty sure you can rule out the Cowboys from the Jones short list.

Can't you?

I would hope the Jerry Jones would understand the irony of the situation if he cut T.O. because of team chemistry and image issues only to replace him with Matt Jones. If you are hazy on the details of Jones over the past year, just look at his list of news stories. Basically, the good news about Matt Jones stopped in early November.

But this is Jerry Jones we're talking about here. Mr. Gambler who brings in people like Pac-Man Jones and T.O. because he knows they will behave under his charisma and marketing genius. Well, sort of. Okay, not really. But damnit, Jones will keep trying.

Everyone points out that Matt Jones is an Arkansas alumnus which can't hurt Jerry's interest in him. Plus, at one point during last season Matt Jones was actually a productive receiver. At one point he ranked as one of the top five third down receivers in the NFL. He has talent.

He's also a moron. And as much as Jerry Jones loves the spotlight I'm guessing not even he wants the heat if he spends an off-season of cleaning up the Dallas Cowboys image (again) by bringing in a recently released wide receiver who just got out of jail. I just see images of a florid Jerry up at the podium trying to spin his recent signing as a good move while media members lob bombs at him from all sides. I don't think his smile would last very long during the press conference.

Now I see that it is 9:20 PST which means that it's time for everyone to stop the actual productive things they are doing and try to figure out a way to watch every possible minute of the March Madness tournament. Wearing glass slippers is optional depending on your fetish.

Did You Hear? Morehead State Gets To Play An Extra Game!

I don't know why I even need to tell you guys this since I'm sure you spent your St. Patrick's Day glued to the television for the game, but Morehead State beat Alabama State in last night's play-in game for the NCAA tournament.

It's a wonderful story about a basketball team that is going to its first NCAA tournament since 1984 and will have a chance to make fans remember the school for reasons other than being the Alma mater of Phil Simms.

And the story will end on Friday about two minutes into the opening game against top-seeded Louisville.

The NCAA basketball play in game might be the most hapless game in sports. It's scheduled after the seeds are selected, so it's already an anti-climatic moment for most fans. Not that anyone cares because the winner gets to be fed to a number one seed. The play in game is like battling for a chance to ride on the Titanic: it's an exciting moment to think about, but will end in disaster.

I'm sure the players and fans at Morehead State are talking about shocking the world and how they just have to believe (insert underdog sports pep talk here), but I'm sure if you went all Professor X and read their minds, you'd find that they know they're going to lose.

I'll elucidate for you just how pointless this play in game is:

Since the play-in game began back in 2001, the winner has gone into the NCAA tournament and lost by the following scores:
2001: 96-54
2002: 85-70
2003: 82-61
2004: 96-76
2005: 96-68
2006: 58-45 (whew, that was almost a close one!)
2007: 107-67
2008: 113-74

If you just skipped all of those numbers because they made you tired I'll sum it up: the play in winner has lost by an average of 30 points.

So let's change the schedule of the play in game to before the selection show. That way the play-in winner can at least sit around and enjoy their official selection for a few extra days before it all comes grinding to a halt when the first game is played.

Happy St. Patrick's Day. For Real This Time....

As you sit at your local Irish pub today sipping on some sort of Irish beer, drinking green Budweiser, or just imbibing some other libation, you are probably either:

A.) debating how much you can drink while still being productive at work tomorrow since the NCAA tournament will completely ruin you later this week
B.) keeping mental tabs on the women in the bar like a tiger stalking a herd of antelope, trying to figure out which one will let her inhibitions go first/whose friends will be most likely to allow her to wander off with some guy
C.) unemployed and don't really have much to do besides drink

No matter why you're out at the bar, you will no doubt run across some jackwad who will give you this haughty look and ask if you even know what St. Patrick's Day celebrates.

Well, if you don't already know, then here it is according to historians:

He was a missionary and he converted 120,000 druids from paganism to Christianity. He started over 300 churches and used the three-leafed clover to teach the Holy Trinity which is why the clover is the symbol of St. Patrick’s Day and Ireland itself.

According to historian William Federer (possibly related to tennis pro Roger Federer?), Patrick himself was actually born in nearby Wales. That is until Adrian Peterson and Chad Greenway rolled into town...

“Different Viking tribes began attacking and carrying away slaves, and Patrick was one of those carried away as a slave to Ireland,” says Federer. “He was there from 16 years old to 22 years old, when he had a dream in which he heard the Lord tell him to escape. So he did.”

Patrick returned to Ireland at age 40 to be a missionary. Just walked right up to pagan Chieftains and convinced them about the wonders of Christianity. The Catholic church sainted him in 664 A.D.

The leprechaun is part of the St. Patrick's Day celebration because....well, there is no reason. It's just a little addition by Americans, like de-spicing Chinese food or watering down beer.

So in conclusion, St. Patrick was a former Viking slave that escaped and then returned in the name of God. Sounds like a Hollywood movie except that instead of returning in the name of God, St. Patrick would escape and then return as a Jedi assassin to make his Viking captors pay for their crimes.

This is why we are drinking today, so if some long-haired Harvard graduate gets snotty with you about why you're celebrating today, you can give him the full story. Then find him later after you get a girl's number and yell "How do you like them apples!?" It would help if you actually look like Matt Damon.

Happy Green Wearing Drinking Day

Experience is Goooood

I think we all saw it coming.

We always hear that the NFL and NCAA football leagues are full of copycats. When a team wins the Super Bowl with a 3-4 defense, six other teams adopt a 3-4 defense the next year. A few years ago Arkansas used a new formation called 'the Wildcat' in order to get both Darren McFadden and Felix Jones on the field at the same time. Now every team in the NFL has adopted some form of the Wildcat. The spread offense has spread throughout the college game like an overactive virus.

So it makes sense that if 37 year old Mike Tomlin leads the Pittsburgh Steelers to a Super Bowl title, every other person in charge of a football team is going to try to find the young up and coming coach to get like results.

As a result, you have new head coaches like 32 year olds Josh McDaniels in Denver and Raheem Morris in Tampa Bay. Eric Mangini is still in his 30's and is on his second team already. In the college ranks, the University of Tennessee shook up the SEC by bringing in young loudmouth Lane Kiffin. Kiffin, Morris, and McDaniels mark three of the top six youngest head coaches in football history.

A new era has begun where young aggressive coaches will push the envelope and throw caution to the wind to find any scintilla in an attempt to win.

But is this a good era? I admit that I'm excited for the upcoming season and I've already said that I'm not a big fan of recycled coaches. But we're seeing the inexperience of these young coaches rearing it's ugly head early and often.

Kiffin has already made a season's worth of mistakes in his first couple of months on the job. He had the public's benefit of the doubt during his war with Al Davis, but now I wonder if the old cantankerous Raiders owner may have had a point. Instead of young and dynamic, Kiffin comes off as pig-headed and arrogant. Obviously all will be forgiven if Kiffin wins, but if he gets off to a slow start, he could be gone from Tennessee before he can finish singing Rockey Top.

The Josh McDaniels story is even more bizarre. The new Broncos head coach has already managed to upset Jay Cutler to the point where the young QB has requested a trade.

I'm not going to defend Cutler because I think he can be a petulant little baby, but McDaniels apparently didn't exactly soothe anything over. And admitting that he would rather have Matt Cassel drove a wedge between himself and Cutler.

Part of being a head coach is handling the personalities of your players which can be difficult at times, especially when agents like Bus Cook (Cutler's agent) get involved. This is where experience counts. Young type A personality coaches may have big goals and unlimited ambition, but they better be able to relate to other people too.

So we've learned that:
A.) Young head coaches like Mike Tomlin don't just fall out of trees
B.) Younger doesn't necessarily mean better in today's football coaching world
C.) Raheem Morris may have the best attitude of any of the new younger set of head coaches. When asked if he and 37 year old general manager Mark Dominik were ready to lead the Bucs, Morris replied, "we've been put in place to lead this team whether we're ready or not."

Ready or not, here they come.

Dr. Phil Gold Digger Trailer

I hear if you follow a rainbow, it leads to her breasts. And then she takes your wallet.

Where's Me Gold?

Happy St. Patrick's Day!

It's not until Tuesday, but apparently everyone is getting their trashed on tonight, so we'll just roll with the flow.

So in honor of the fake St. Patrick's Day, I'm posting about the modern American leprechaun: the gold digger.

Urban dictionary defines the gold digger as "any woman whose primary interest in a relationship is material benefits. A woman who cares more about a man's bank account than she does about the man."

This is obviously a problem for a part time radio producer/wannabe radio host like myself, so you can imagine my interest when Dr. Phil recently had a show where he discussed the esoteric world of the gold diggers and their prey.

Apparently Colt's defensive end Dwight Freeney is also worried about gold diggers as well, most likely because he signed a contract worth $76 million. He's so concerned that he actually helped bring ratings to the Dr. Phil show.

During the show, Freeney posed as a limo driver who was picking up two women headed to the Dr. Phil show to discuss their gold digging ways. During the ride over, Freeney asked if the girls wanted to hang out later and, of course, was denied. Then Dr. Phil went all....well, Dr. Phil on the women during the show.

Honestly, did this little undercover stunt really prove anything besides letting Freeney play Mission Impossible? I would think that any woman might be a bit worried about a random limo driver asking them out. If it's normal for hot women to jump at limo drivers, I'm changing careers right now, but I'm guessing it's not an everyday occurrence.

So while I appreciate Freeney and Dr. Phil bringing to light the evil plans of gold digging women, I'm not sure if they really accomplished anything except proving that gold diggers do indeed exist. I didn't actually see the show, so let me know if I'm missing anything so I can then make fun of you for watching Dr. Phil.

In conclusion, Happy St. Patrick's Day and watch out if a limo driver asks your girlfriend out because he might have $76 million and you might have to listen to Dr. Phil talk to bitchy gold diggers.

Time for a whiskey and a Guinness

Past NCAA Buzzer Beaters

Here's an appetizer on what's to come next week. The basketball part. Not the obstinate looking mascot though that could be included.