Done

Yankees Fan: "Well lookie heah at dat! Big Papi AND Man-Ram on da stehoids? Yaw title is tainted baby! Yanks rule!"

Red Sox Fan: "Big deal. Eveh heard of A-rawd? Giambi? Rah-gah Clemons? Hello pawt, it's the friggn kettle! You say ahwr titles ahwr tainted, youhs ahr just as dihrty!"

Every other baseball fan: "Will you two ever shut the f*#% up? I'm sooo sick and tired of Yankees/Red Sox talk being the center of the baseball universe. It's all tainted! Everything baseball is tainted since hair bands were popular! Now go play with yourselves!"

Texas Rangers fan: "Oh look! It's almost football season!"

You get the point. Yes, Big Papi is the latest major leaguer to be found guilty of weezing the juice. He apparently cheated. Is anyone surprised? Seriously, are you stunned by any name comes out?

Every baseball player from the steroid era is guilty until proven innocent by now. If you didn't do steroids, you have to go out of your way to prove your innocence. Talking about it doesn't do anything, Big Papi was gung-ho about banning users from the game until this news came out; Raphael Palmeiro lied to everyone with aplomb about his involvement with the drugs.

As a fan, I don't care what a player says anymore, to me everyone in that era is somehow guilty. It's a negative stance to take, but it's one I think most fans now have. We don't want to hear about who was and wasn't using back then. We just want it to stop.

Let Barry Bonds claim his innocence while he has the head of a T-Rex, let Mark McGuire let the past be the past even though he profited as much as anyone from the power numbers put up. Jose Canseco can keep ratting out former teammates for book deals until he's blue in the face, I'm over it.

We will cross the steroid bridge again any time a player from the past two decades is up for the Hall of Fame. We will get more than our fill of this talk. Until then, can baseball please just get it's damn act together and move on before it completes the transformation from national pastime to national joke? Until then, I hear football season is starting.

What Up With February?

Apparently February marks the point when sports news reaches ludicrous speed. I know it's a slow month, but that doesn't mean IQ's should just be dropping left and right.

Let's just review the top sports stories of the past few days:

A-Rod: We all know A-Rod had some illegal substances coursing through his Madonna loving body in the early part of this decade. He apologized...sort of....and now we can wait until spring training to hear every Yankee refer to the media as "you people" and explain how all of the steroids coverage is a secret ploy to tear the team apart.

And I was okay with that.

But noooooooo. Bud Selig had to step in and suddenly climb onto his 18.5 million dollar high horse to tell us exactly how wrong A-Rod was to do steroids. Selig said "while Alex deserves credit for publicly confronting the issue, there is no valid excuse for using such substances, and those who use them have shamed the game."

Thanks, Bud. I'm glad you managed to expurgate the story so that baseball doesn't look so bad. No need to mention the fact that the only reason A-Rod apologized is because his name was leaked and that the biggest reason for steroids being an issue in the sport is through an act of Congress. If you had simply cracked down on illegal substances about, oh, a decade ago, this wouldn't be such a black eye. But that would have taken away some of that cash inflow and forced you to confront the players union.

I think it's best if Bud plays the silent game from here on out until he's ready for action.

Phelps and his Greens: So Phelps gets caught hitting the bong on camera and is now losing his endorsements left and right. I already discussed this point on Sports Pants and figured that's the last I'd ever hear of it. Phelps rocks the ganja, loses lots of money, serves a suspension, and then goes on with his life.

Now word out of the Carolina that is South is that arrests are being made. Those evil kids that had their face in the bong are being taken off the street lest they destroy the moral fabric of our society. Funny thing is, the police seemed to only be interested in Phelps. According to the defense attorney for one of the arrested kids, "

After they arrested him, they didn't ask him, 'Where did you get the marijuana?' or 'Who sold it to you?' Almost all the questions they asked him were about Michael Phelps."

Apparently Sheriff Leon Lott who clearly sees some dollar signs or maybe some He-Man type power in his future, has decided Phelps is his golden goose. Once those pictures came out with Phelps, I bet Lott skipped down the street singing "I've got a golden ticket". Now he's using his moral stance to hunt down Phelps, who I'm sure is hiding in Argentina right now, and bring him to the mercy of the court. All for the good of America, damnit.

Spitting is preferred: Roberto Alomar...WTF? Did this guy watch Team America and took the "Everyone Has AIDS" song too seriously? He claims that the woman accusing him of having unprotected sex with her while knowing he had full blown AIDS is a crazy liar. I really hope she is because if he actually did that....WTF!!!??? He will have gone from a surly baseball player to a full blown psychopath with full blown AIDS. That is no way to go through life, son.

February is slow in sports, but these stories aren't due to a bored press. They're due to asshats. Can't these guys just enjoy counting their money during this recession? Sheesh.