Friday, May 28, 2010

Lessons For A Sideline Reporter

Ah, the sideline reporter.

No other collection of beautiful women and ex-athletes can bring us such a bevy of mindless crap to show us the atmosphere in the stands.

Yet for all the boring segments that bring absolutely nothing to the broadcast, there is always the chance for gold be it scheduled or not.

The latest nugget comes from YES reporter Kim Jones. This poor lady has to find something interesting in the stands for every Yankees game so this time she looks to the food court at the new Target Field in Minnesota.

What Ms. Jones doesn't realize is that waving a pork chop around at a Yankees game is like swimming with a bucket of chum in an ocean full of sharks.

She should know better, yet it seems that she is still surprised when the inevitable happens:

UPDATED NOTE: As you see above, the Yes Network and Major League Baseball has become the Gestapo, sniffing out and removing any/all videos that might show the little incident, so I'll sum it up:

Kim Jones was staring at the camera discussing something about pork chops as she waved one around in the air to emphasize her point. At some point during her stand-up, a Yankee fan (carrying a cheap beer) walked up behind her and took a bite out of the pork chop.

Jones was flabbergasted and stumbled over the rest of her moment. Then a giant hawk came down and took away her microphone while a group of badgers wearing Twins caps crawled up Ms. Jones' dress. She seemed both horrified and excited by this. Finally, a man in a Kermit the Frog uniform began firing a potato gun full of caramels into the crowd which gave everyone a sugar high and so everyone began an impromptu version of "American Pie" while Minnesota catcher Joe Mauer wept.

Not everything above is true, but since there is no longer video to refute it, you can make up any scene you want in your head. I like badgers.

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