Who Needs a Bigger Mop?

* The Sports Pants Word of the Day will not be included in this post since osteopath is such a specialized term. I'm not going to shoe-horn that damn word into a post just to keep my word of the day bit going. Thank you for your time, now back to our regularly scheduled post

During the last few weeks of 2008, two major things happened:

1.) Americans smelled what Barack was cookin' and elected Obama as the next president of the United States

2.) The Detroit Lions did what no one thought was possible and managed to finish an NFL season with a big zilch in the win column.

Soon thereafter my friend Joe texted me with a very interesting question to ponder: Who has a bigger mess to clean up: Obama or new Detroit GM Martin Mayhew?

At first look, the answer is easy-- one is a football team the other is the leader of the free world. Duh.

But Obama has plenty of help around him for decision making and he also has several ways to make this a successful presidency. Plus, did you see the Lions last year? I'm fairly certain that if you lined the Lions offense up against a blocking sled, tackling dummies, and some chairs, they might score 20 points. Take Calvin Johnson out of the lineup and the score drops to 10.

Here are some similar issues the new men in charge will face:

Convincing- Both men start their runs having to fight non-believers. Obama has to convince hostile Republicans that his stimulus is the right way to get our shredded economy moving again. He needs to do it quickly too since the figures get worse every day.

Because of said economy, Mayhew will have his hands full trying to convince Lions fans to spend what little extra money they have on football tickets. It won't be easy: people look to sports to escape their own troubled lives, not get more depressed and surly.

Money Pit- Both men have to stop the money bleeding that is leftover from another administration. Obama has international wars that were started under false information and has been costing Americans oodles of money. He needs to decide when to cut ties with the wars so that he doesn't turn the middle east into a bloody battle zone between neighboring countries and religious fanatics.

Mayhew has Charles Rodgers, Mike Williams, and any number of busted draft picks that were cut loose and cost the Lions oodles of money for zero production. Mayhew needs to begin bringing players in that earn their money and match the on field production with the payroll.

Speaking of the past- Both men will have to overcome previous administrations who had mixed results at best. We all know about the Bush administration, which finished its run with the lowest approval ratings of the modern era. Whether you blame Bush or not, his presidency ended with the worst economy since the great depression, unfinished wars, a diminished American world image, a growing chasm between the filthy rich and the middle working class, deteriorating education, and a slew of mispronounced words. In his defense, there have been no more terrorist attacks on American soil, but we still haven't found Osama Bin Laden despite all the money and effort that has gone into the search.

Mayhew replaces Matt Millen who would have set new lows in approval ratings if they had those for general managers. Millen's stay in Detroit ended with a team on its way to an 0-16 season, a turnstile of head coaches that were hired then fired by Millen, a slew of horrible drafts, a run where the Lions have lost 9 or more games every year he was in charge, a road record of 8-50, and legions of angry fans. In Millen's defense....no, there is no defense for Millen. The guy was made the second highest paid general manager in football and delivered the worst run in Lions history. But he was offered the money so part of the blame has to go to Lions owner William Clay Ford Sr.

The silver lining- Both men obviously have been given a broken, flawed entity to work with, but there are some things they can be thankful for. Obama has a democratic congress that won't stonewall every single decision he makes. He has an American public that is willing to be patient with him (at least for a time), and he has a fawning press that loves his oratory skills after listening to a president who couldn't pronounce basic sayings for the past 8 years.

Mayhew has two first round picks including the first pick of the NFL draft, a new head coach, a nice stadium, and the fact that he's not Matt Millen working for him.

Barack Obama and Martin Mayhew both have a long road ahead of them, but both have nowhere to go but up. Obama has already made strides in that he's gotten Americans to believe in the positives of their country despite all of the depression around them.

Mayhew gets to start with a clean slate, but he has to try and convince players to come to Detroit. That's a feat that might even put a stop to Obama's "Yes We Can" slogan.

They're dirty jobs, but someone's got to do them.

I've Got Your Motivation Right Here...

As I watch the inauguration today, I realize that we will probably see the two most watched things on television within the first month of the new year. With Obama speaking to a world wide audience that may be just a tad smaller than the Super Bowl group in two weeks, the new President did not disappoint.

Sure, Obama could have just plagiarized Bill Pullman's speech from the movie Independence Day and everyone would have cheered like it was the Gettysburg address even if they didn't understand the whole "we're fighting against extermination" part of the speech.

Yet Obama used a wonderful collage of words and metaphors along with a commanding voice to whip everyone into a tear stained frenzy on a frozen Tuesday in January. That got me thinking like only a sports idiot like me could:

How awesome would Obama be at motivating your team before the big game?

You always hear about these great pre-game speeches that make players run screaming out of the locker room ready to shock the world. From the famous "win one for the Gipper" line in the history of Notre Dame, to Jimmy Johnson's "if you fight a 900 pound gorilla, you hit him with everything you've got" bit before the Cowboys beat an undefeated Redskins team, to Gene Hackman's genius move in Hoosiers when he made his team measure the basket to prove that it was the same size in the big arena as it was in the team's tiny town, fans love to hear about a genius motivational techniques that coaches use to help the boys.

Now I see Obama up there on the biggest inauguration stage ever and he delivers some zingers like:

"To those leaders around the globe who seek to sow conflict, or blame their society's ills on the West - know that your people will judge you on what you can build, not what you destroy. To those who cling to power through corruption and deceit and the silencing of dissent, know that you are on the wrong side of history; but that we will extend a hand if you are willing to unclench your fist."

" What is required of us now is a new era of responsibility - a recognition, on the part of every American, that we have duties to ourselves, our nation, and the world, duties that we do not grudgingly accept but rather seize gladly, firm in the knowledge that there is nothing so satisfying to the spirit, so defining of our character, than giving our all to a difficult task.This is the price and the promise of citizenship."

and

"With hope and virtue, let us brave once more the icy currents, and endure what storms may come. Let it be said by our children's children that when we were tested we refused to let this journey end, that we did not turn back nor did we falter; and with eyes fixed on the horizon and God's grace upon us, we carried forth that great gift of freedom and delivered it safely to future generations."

Imagine the advantage a sports team could have when Obama comes in and drops one of those quotes on the players.

Now Obama would have to pick the right situations. He couldn't walk into his brother-in-law's locker room today and help the Oregon State team make the NCAA tournament. He is human.

But imagine if Obama could get T.O. to get along with Tony Romo...actually, T.O. to get along with any QB. If he could get Al Davis to relinquish control of the Raiders to someone who knows what the hell they're doing.

Imagine if Obama could get the Clippers organization to work together so that they may one day reach the NBA Finals.

Okay that last one was a joke, but our faith in cynicism has already been shaken now that the Cardinals are in the Super Bowl and the Rays were in the World Series.

Is the hope really that far fetched now-a-days?