PantsCast June 29

The ups and downs of the World Cup, a clash of ideals about upcoming the NBA free-agency, questions about a no hitter, a naked cheese man, and JaMarcus!

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Potugal Has Pissed Me Off

Far be it from me to criticize the traditional scoring system of the World Cup, but now that we're at the third game, we have a mix of two things:

One is the amazing contests between two teams trying to secure their positions in the final 16.

The other is a pathetic display of non-competition between teams that are already set to advance and just don't want to lose. So the teams barely goes on the attack and just sits on defense hoping to squeak out a 0-0 draw.

Portugal is that team. And I don't like them. I was already souring on those who live in the port on the gal because of the whining to the refs and obvious diving to draw penalties.

Now they went into a shell against mighty Brazil so as not to risk losing the game.

I know, the math makes sense. Portugal only needed a point to ensure that they moved on because of the 7 goal beat down they handed North Korea. So they didn't risk a thing and now they move on.

It just a bad taste in my mouth. The point of competition is to play you best and get a win. All Portugal did in the preliminary round is crush a less talented North Korea team. They haven't scored another goal yet. But because of the math, they needed to only draw with Brazil. So instead of a high-powered shootout between two talented teams, I turned the game off because it was so very boring.

It's the point system. Maybe winning should get an extra point. That way, teams would be more inclined to go for the victory instead of holding a tie and playing the odds. It's competition. Let it shine.

Leave the odds playing to Vegas.

The World Cup Needs John Madden

No, not the actual John Madden, he wouldn't know what was happening (more so than usual), plus I don't believe there is a roadway that runs from the U.S. to South Africa, so the Madden Cruiser would have to become a submarine.

What I mean is that in soccer's great quest to become a relevant spectator sport in the states, it does itself no favors by putting British announcers in American games. People already see it as an outsiders sport, why hammer it home? Yet as I watch the World Cup, I keep find myself saying "Who talks like that?"

When I watch the World Cup, I want a guy who enjoys the game thoroughly and is almost a soccer idiot savant. He can be blunt, he can be blue, hell, he can be drunk. I just want him to show me that he can enjoy soccer in more than a "this is such a beautiful game" sort of way.

That's where the Madden comparison comes in. John Madden was famous for noticing all the little things during a game. Nothing tactical, but the little details of a game that the camera doesn't catch. He'd point out the sweat on linemen, he'd find if there was an issue with the Gatorade, and you can bet he'd find a guy who nearly tripped walking back to the huddle. Plus, he spoke in a way that made him seem like your kooky neighbor or your favorite bizarre uncle.

If you're not sure what I'm talking about, I can give you some hints. The following sentences should never be spoken on an American broadcast:

"That's a well struck ball."
"He needs to strengthen his fitness."
"Difficult first touch there."
"He used a heavy boot on that cross."

That's not how we speak here. And what's worse, there are American broadcasters he speak like that. Who are you, Madonna? You are American! We don't drink afternoon tea and we sure as hell don't describe a guy coming off of injury as getting his fitness back.

I want a guy who can show me the jersey grabbing, the smack talking, and who can make fun of the divers and divas in the soccer pitch. I'm sorry, I mean soccer field. If he's not American, he needs to be a drunk Irishman who is prone to angry outbursts.

What we need is soccer's version of John Madden. A guy who thoroughly enjoys the game and has a way to communicate that to the average American without making them feel like moronic rednecks. He sees things in the game that interest Americans: violence, feats of athletic achievement, and really embarrassing gaffes.

Just give the guy a telestrator and let him roll. Boom!

Gut Punch

If you were sitting around today and suddenly felt a great disturbance in the Force, as if millions of voices suddenly cried out in terror, and were suddenly silenced, well, you're just weird.

But I'd understand if you did because today the citizens of the Ivory Coast all cried out to the heavens when they discovered that their beloved Didier Drogba broke his elbow during a warm-up match against Japan.

Were you sitting near a Pats fan when Tom Brady went down a few years ago? The sulking head, the hands flying up in the air as the season passes before their eyes, the discussion of football Armageddon in Foxboro? Yeah, multiply that by a thousand.

Drogba is not just a sports hero, he's a savior for the Ivory Coast nation. He's good enough to play anywhere in Europe, yet he refuses to turn his back on his war torn nation. He's like the celebrity that remains with his original spouse even after he hits it big and has starlets hanging all over him.

The Ivory Coast was a dark horse team in the World Cup this year with Drogba leading the way. Now the team has to play without it's heart and soul.

If you're a fan of the underdog, keep an eye on these guys because their chances for a trophy just dropped tenfold.

The only way to sum this up is to simply say: that sucks.

Blown Karma

Since college football has such blah match-ups today--- the top teams are all gigantic favorites against teams like Florida International and Tennessee Chattanooga while the Michigan/Ohio State game will determine nothing except local bragging rights--- I guess today is a germane time to talk about a different kind of football. As in futbol.

While we Americans are knee deep in BCS madness and NFL playoff runs, the rest of the world is watching the World Cup qualifying games. One such game just took place between Ireland and France this past week. On the line was an invitation to the World Cup tournament next year.

As Irish luck would have it, France won. But not without major controversy. French super striker Thierry Henry set up a game tying goal for his team as he's done so many times. Unlike the other times, Henry blatantly used his hand to pass the ball. That's a no no.

Somehow, the refs missed this call. The goal stood and the game ended in a 1-1 draw which sent France into the tournament and the Irish home with a bitter taste that all the Guinness on the island couldn't remove.

Ireland officially appealed the goal and even asked France to replay the game to make sure things ended properly. France naturally declined which left the Irish with little other recourse than to call foul on the whole situation.

Irish football CEO John Delaney asserted that "without doubt, the credibility of fair play has been damaged by this incident in front of a worldwide audience." The goal definitely shouldn't have counted, but does everyone think that the credibility really suffered? After all, we've seen missed calls in every sport and very few seem to withstand the test of time except with the fans who were wronged.

Many sports fans just accept blown calls as part of the game and that karma will eventually even things out. It's a nice, easy, cut and dry way to deal with a situation. Unless, of course, your team is the one that got screwed. One thing is certain, Irish eyes as well as everyone else's in the soccer world will cast a skeptical view upon the French come tournament time next year. Don't expect a bailout.

From Heaven To Hell

Have you ever heard the sports fan who says he'd rather his team lose by 100 than by 1? You hear that a lot after heart breaking losses. I've never subscribed to that theory.

I might now though after watching the U.S. men's soccer gut wrenching loss to Brazil yesterday.

That game was like a sports adaptation of the Greek myth about Icarus. The U.S. took a 2-0 lead and thoroughly outplayed the mighty Brazilians in the first half. The U.S. went for a quick kill at the beginning of the second half, but like Icarus, the team flew too high, their soccer wings melted, and the team came crashing back to earth. (Hey, I said it was just an adaptation of Icarus.)

The point is, as wonderful as the first half was to U.S. soccer, the second half destroyed any positive effects the first half provided. It was a one goal loss on the scoreboard, but I think it did more mental damage to the U.S. team than the 3-0 loss to Brazil earlier in the tournament.

The game reminded me of the back to back Super Bowl match-up between the Dallas Cowboys and Buffalo Bills in 1993-1994. The first Super Bowl was a crushing defeat for the Bills. The team turned the ball over a record nine times, they lost starting quarterback Jim Kelly, and the Cowboys cruised in a laugher 52-17.

The next year the two teams met again in the Super Bowl. This time the Bills were ready. While the Cowboys strutted into the Super Bowl assuming the game was already in the bag, Buffalo came out determined to prove everyone wrong. And the Bills did....for a half. The team led the Cowboys 13-7 at halftime and the Bills could taste the upset victory.

The Cowboys then came out in the second half and rammed the ball right down Buffalo's throat. The final score was 30-13, but the event was even worse than the 52-17 Super Bowl the year before. Dallas wasn't clandestine with the play calling, they lined up and handed the ball to Emmitt Smith nearly every play. Buffalo couldn't stop them. It was as if Dallas was screwing around in the first half and now they decided to go ahead and win the game. And there was nothing Buffalo could do to stop the great Cowboys freight train.

That was the same feeling I got yesterday. Brazil kind of wanted the Confederations Cup, the U.S. needed the cup. The U.S. men desperately want to be taken seriously by the traditional soccer powers of the world. A big upset win over Spain helped, but that could be chalked up to a fluke. But to win twice against the big boys would show that America was capable of doing some damage on the World Cup stage.

Instead they look like a little dog that kept yipping at the big, bad Brazil dog. The Brazilians let them get away with it for a while, and then brought the hammer down. America had zero answers for Brazil in the second half and once the game was tied, I doubt anyone in the stands wondered which team would eventually win.

On the scoreboard, the game was a hard fought one goal loss. But U.S. fans now know just how big the chasm is between American soccer and the world's best. The more things change, the more they stay the same.