PantsCast June 15 2011

The Mavericks win, the Mavericks win! Has anyone talked about that yet? We attempt to. Then we discuss our top sports championships of all time and mention one crazy NHL series. Finally, it's a corn dog "What's Wrong With Humans." Listen to us lose all momentum and derail the train.

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PantsCast June 6 2011

What will a Heat victory do to LeBron's legacy? Does Dirk's change without one after this series? Plaxico and his bloody leg limp out of jail and USC gets another punishment that doesn't mean much from the NCAA. Plus, "What's Wrong With Humans."

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PantsCast May 25 2011

The top ten reasons to root for the Mavericks over the Heat. Plus, a blind man gets taken advantage of...in such a dirty way on What's Wrong With Humans.

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PantsCast May 19 2011

NBA playoff talk with the Scrooge McDuck of the PantsCast. And here comes the gay man, sports. Deal with it. Plus another exciting episode of What's Wrong With Humans.

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PantsCast May 9 2011

We finally get to review the NFL Draft in our own simplistic sort of way (aka NOT like Mel Kiper), we discuss the happiest day of my NBA watching existence, and one of the more bizarre What's Wrong With Humans. That's saying something.

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What's Wrong With This Guy (Besides The Facial Hair)?

What's the catch? That's the question I've been asking since the Dallas Mavericks acquired 6'10" forward/center Drew Gooden.

I look at his profile: he's was the fourth pick of the draft out of Kansas. He was named one of the "Good Guys in Sports" by the Sporting News. He was on a Final Four team in college, he's made it to the NBA post-season. What's the caveat to acquiring him? Is he just another talented college player who simply sucks in the pros?

The NBA is littered with untalented hacks who just happen to be tall. General managers in the NBA drone on and on about how you can't teach size. This is true, but you apparently can't teach grace to some of these guys either as evidenced by their lumbering style of running and movement of a fence post. They just stand there and collect fouls. That's all they do.

Gooden though has averaged double digit points every year and close to double digit rebounds. He isn't a foul machine, in fact last year he averaged fewer personal fouls per game than such celebrated stars as Carmelo Anthony, Carlos Boozer, and Amare Stoudemire. He doesn't have the best field goal percentage, he misses as many shots as he actually makes, but he's not a disaster offensively.

So why is it that Drew Gooden has been on six teams in only seven seasons? The past two years have been worse as he's bounced around like a pinball between five different teams.

Even today as Gooden signs with the Mavericks, he's only there because Orlando stunned Dallas by matching the team's offer to Magic backup center Marcin Gortat while also stealing Brandon Bass away from the Mavericks. Dallas was desperate and so they signed Gooden to a short contract.

Maybe Dallas will end up being the perfect match for Gooden. He's on a team of jump shooters so he has the inside scoring all to himself and his only competition is Erik Dampier (see above about the untalented hacks). If not, at least Gooden knows how to move cities quickly. In fact, I bet he doesn't even unpack his suitcases.

Texas Trio

There they are all staring at each other across the Lone Star state. Three NBA teams, all vying for control of the Midwestern division next year.

This is a good off-season to be a fervid basketball in Dallas, Houston, or San Antonio.

Before anyone gets delusions of grandeur, I'm not saying any of these teams can take out the Lakers in the west. Nah, you have to practically steal players from other teams (like say, trading away a box of Fruit Loops and receiving an All-Star forward named Pau Gasol or having a young Shaq simply abandon Orlando and sign a free-agent contract with your team) to be able to compete with the kind of transactions the Lakers make.

But for the wayward fans of the mortal NBA teams that have to work for a title, you'll like the high stakes games being played in Texas.

The fun started in San Antonio when the Spurs made a push for another title in the Tim Duncan era by trading away the aging Bruce Bowen, Kurt Thomas, and big white stiff Fabricio Oberto to Milwaukee in exchange for Richard Jefferson. Jefferson will had some offensive oomph to a team that had trouble scoring at times last year. If Manu Ginobili returns to form (much to my girlfriend's chagrin), the Spurs could be pretty salty next year.

Houston didn't start off too happy during this NBA off-season when the team found out that moo goo gai pan center Yao Ming may not return from his foot injury for a long time. Couple him with constantly injured guard Tracy McGrady and you have a disaster of a team in Houston.

Yet, the Rockets always seem to hang around and they even took the Lakers to the brink in the second round of the playoffs. The team got a bit more exciting when the traded for second round draft pick Chase Budinger out of Arizona. Budinger went on a draft night free fall, but he can run and jump with any incoming rookie. Now the team has traded away defensive forward and noted idiot, Ron Artest in exchange for Trevor Ariza. The move isn't an obvious upgrade in talent, but you won't find Trevor Ariza making the Rockets P.R. department squirm because of this unstable tribute to Michael Jackson (warning- cussing and stuff):



That brings us to the Dallas Mavericks. Mark Cuban is always looking to a make an off-season splash, but he's been relatively quiet since he traded away the team's future for Jason Kidd.

Never one to sit on his mistakes (that trade was an unfortunate trigger happy attempt to keep up with the Laker's theft of Gasol), Cuban found away to keep the Mavs in the thick of the Western conference race. First he made sure the New York Knicks didn't steal Kidd by signing the veteran guard to a three year extension. Then today, Cuban managed to finalize a brain wrenching four team deal that brings Shawn Marion to town. Marion instantly adds athleticism to a team that sorely misses it. Plus, the Mavs didn't have to give up any major players to get him.

So that's where we stand today. Three teams in Texas all trying along with the Denver Nuggets to catch the Lakers. If it doesn't work, you can't blame the teams for not trying. And that's the way it should be.

Fan Wars Episode 4- The Mavs Fans Strike Back

I feel like I'm under house arrest today in Phoenix. The news channels have put the fear of Obama traffic in everyone since the president is speaking at the ASU graduation today. We aren't supposed to approach Tempe if we can help it. I just envision the place sealed off like some scene from Escape from New York.

I was going to make my post about Obama's visit, but there isn't much to it. People who have the "privilege" of going have to arrive early and stand around in triple digit heat for hours and they aren't allowed to bring water bottles or seat cushions in with them (there will be water stations). So the scene will be a bunch of people sitting on metal bleachers that have been scorched by the sun listening to our well-spoken president explain to the students that there are no jobs and that they're basically screwed for the next year. The Daily Show already covered the issues of the commencement anyways.

So I'm here to bring you the real controversy of the day: The visiting fan versus the home fans.

The Dallas Mavericks and Denver Nuggets renew their playoff festivities tonight at the Pepsi Center. You, of course, won't catch much of the first half because you will already be engrossed by Game Seven of the Caps and Penguins I told you about. But when you do tune in, you will find a suddenly bitter rivalry between the Mavs and Nuggets due mostly to the events following the controversial ending to Game Three.

You already know about the Mark Cuban vs. Kenyon Martin's mom issue. You've probably also heard about Carmelo Anthony's fiance La La Vazquez claiming that Mavs fans are racists who spent part of Game Three insulting her before she was escorted away by security.

Well now a new chapter has been opened in the great Game Three saga. A Mavericks season ticket holder contacted the Dallas Morning News to say that it was La La who was out of line during the game. According to the Dallas fan, "Ms. Vazquez claims that racism and insults to her child were the reasons for her aggression are completely unfounded. Her child was not with her but with a nanny and was not a topic of insults or discussion at all. I heard no racism and was definitely within hearing distance. Her reaction was immature and borderline scary." The fan also said that while there was some heckling, none of it was directed at Kenyon Martin's mom.

So what's the truth? We've all been to sporting events where people in the crowd start acting like jack asses towards opposing fans. You hear stories out of Philadelphia, New York, Oakland, and most other major cities about bad fan behavior. A person should be able to go see an away sporting event without having to abnegate their rights to respect and decency.

Then again, I've also been to sporting events where the opposing fans more than deserve a beat down. I've sat next to someone who spent the entire game hurling insults at the home team and then acted appalled when home fans turned on them.

There are two different sides to the story and there isn't a way to prove who is correct. Sports by Brooks has a poll asking which person is more likely telling the truth, the Mavs fan or La La, and 92% of the readers say the Mavs fan is probably being more truthful. I happen to agree, mostly because I still have fresh memories of Jason Kidd's ex-wife causing a stink up in Boston for being singled out even though she went out of her way to get attention at all times.

Tonight's game is in Denver which means the Mavs will hear it from Nuggets fans and Dirk will no doubt see multiple posters making fun of his personal life. Hopefully, the Nuggets fans will be funny as they hurl their verbal arrows. The good news is that Mark Cuban won't be there to stir things up. I can only hope that La La will follow suit.

It's Pointless In The NBA

Out here in Phoenix the daily story is about whether the Suns can catch the Dallas Mavericks for the final NBA playoff spot. The Suns are currently sitting 3 1/2 games back of the Mavs and both teams keep losing games to keep things close.

As a Mavericks and Suns fan, I understand that the teams have to keep trying to win games and not give up on this year. It's awful as a fan to watch your favorite team tank the final part of a season in a display of complete hopelessness. The teams need to keep fighting.

But as a fan, I can accept the harsh reality. What's the point for either team battling it out for this final playoff spot? The winner gets to play the top seeded Lakers where they will most likely be swept out of the playoffs before they can blink.

Such is life in the NBA where there is anything but parity and to me it shows exactly why the NBA playoffs are less entertaining than the playoffs in any of the other major pro sports.

In the NFL the Giants barely made the playoffs and went on to win the Super Bowl. Just this past year the Cardinals went from being called the worst playoff team ever to a Santonio Holmes away from a title.

In the NHL any team can upset another team at any time during the playoffs. While bottom seeds don't usually make it all the way to a championship, it is possible as evidenced by the Stanley Cup run that the Edmonton Oilers had as the final playoff seed a few years back. The Oilers just missed and lost to Carolina four game to three in the finals, but it was close.

Major League Baseball may have the same playoff contenders every year due to it's ridiculous financial set up, but even with the Yankees and Red Sox dominating the headlines there are different champions most of the time.

Not so in the NBA. It just doesn't happen. Remember how crazy everyone got a few years back when the Golden State Warriors upset the top seeded Mavericks in the first round? Remember what happened after that historic upset? The Warriors were easily flipped out of the playoffs four games to one by the Utah Jazz.

There are no historic championship runs in the NBA. If your team is good during the season, they will probably advance in the playoffs. If they are a bottom seed, they won't. It's a great league for anal-retentive control freaks. Very few surprises.

So while I can enjoy the newspaper's ludic way of pretending it matters if the Suns or Mavericks make the playoffs, I know that in the end it's just a matter of a few extra games. In fact, I'd almost rather both teams lose that final playoff spot and take their chances in the lottery. That's how a championship team is built. See Duncan, Tim or James, LeBron.

Maybe I'm a bad fan for thinking like this. But I know that while the Dallas Mavericks are most likely going to make the playoffs, the Suns just need to wait a week before inviting the Mavs players to join them on the golf course. That's just the way it goes in the NBA and it bores me to death.

I Wasn't Throwing In The Towel, I Was Waving It Around And It Slipped Out Of My Hand

One of the great mysteries in sports is when a team officially should admit that the current crop of championship puzzle pieces just aren't fitting together anymore. Generally, this is followed by the team trading off key players for future draft picks and then trying to prevent the fan base from storming the castle as the team slowly sinks into the abyss.

(Unless, of course, the team is called the New York Yankees. Then it's all about buying so many stars that the playing field is tilted in your favor forever. I imagine the Yankees as Joaquin Phoenix from Gladiator, stabbing every other team before they meet in battle. But for this article, we're going to assume a team does not have unlimited funds in the broken financial system that major league baseball has.)

It's incredibly dicey to blow up a team since it will mean years of a bad product and limited fan attendance. But in most cases the alternative is watching a team die slowly in front of your eyes. I personally don't like seeing teams I like hang around the playoffs for years without any real shot of making a championship run.

As Def Leppard lamented mused: it's better to burn out than fade away.

Which leads me to my point: the Phoenix Suns and Dallas Mavericks are dead. They aren't bad teams, but they aren't championship teams either, and the door is closing ever faster.

The Mavs will probably make the playoffs this year, but they won't make it past the second round. Dirk is still in his prime, but not for much longer. Josh Howard is officially a knucklehead and the Mavs blew up their future with a panic trade where the team mortgaged it's future on a 35 year old point guard. It didn't work.

The Suns are even worse off this year because it became official that the team has lost it's All-Star forward for the rest of the season. The hope was that Amare Stoudemire might make it back from eye surgery and be able to help the Suns during the playoffs while wearing some sort of martial goggles to protect his eyes. Without hope of his return, the team probably won't make the playoffs this year which means they will look to next season. And it doesn't look good: the superstar center and MVP point guard are in their mid-30's and breaking down. There's nothing left around but role players. Talented ones, but no good without an engine.

So both the Suns and Mavericks are faced with a decision this off-season: dismantle the team and suffer through some awful seasons in the near future, or keep the core together and hope that a key draft pick or free-agent pickup will vault the team over the top.

I pick the first choice, though I know it's miserable when a team officially gives in to rebuilding. I grew up in Dallas during the early 90's when the Mavericks could have been beaten by a college team and it was ugly. But the alternative is to waste time as the current team picks a few half-hearted runs into the playoffs and then rebuilds anyways.

I don't consider the dismantling of a team as surrender. I see it as foresight while remembering that the ultimate goal is a championship title.