Unhappily Ever After

What the hell is going on in the family of professional sports teams? There seems to be an uptick in dysfunctional relationships between team stars and coaching/management.

It started with Jay Cutler versus Josh McDaniels, now Hanley Ramirez is rebelling against a new dress code imposed by the Florida Marlins. Ramirez was not happy with what he considered a feckless new dress code forcing him to cut his hair and remove his jewelry while playing, so he scrawled "I'm sick of this sh*t" across his chest in marker and demanded a trade.

Players battling management is nothing new, but it's the tone of these recent arguments that makes them so odd. It almost sounds like an unhappy teenager fighting with their parents as both sides battle for control in the household.

In Denver......

CUTLER: "Were you trying to send me to boarding school, Dad?"

MCDANIELS: "A border school called us asking us about it, so we listened to them. But don't worry, we aren't going to do it. It's too expensive."

CUTLER: "But you were listening to them! I knew you didn't want me here! You guys don't love me anymore!"

MCDANIELS: "Of course we love you. We were just listening to what they had to say. We weren't even close to sending you."

CUTLER: "Yes you were! You probably just don't want to let me drive the car! Well, I don't want to live here anymore! I'm going to live with grandma!"

MCDANIELS: "Son, just calm down."

CUTLER: "No, I'll go live with Steve! At least his parents like me!"


Meanwhile, in Miami.......

FREDIE GONZALEZ (Marlins Manager): "Hanley, what is that you're wearing?"

RAMIREZ: "It's a necklace."

GONZALEZ: "That's not a necklace, that's a rope made out of gold with a pendant the size of your chest. And look at your pants, they're halfway down your legs!"

RAMIREZ: "That's the look, Dad. I'm in style!"

GONZALEZ: "Style? You look like a homeless man Hanley. And what are you doing with your hair? You look like you haven't visited a barber in a year. Go clean up."

RAMIREZ: "This is how I want to look! All of my friends are doing it too!"

GONZALEZ: "I don't care what your friends are doing. I raised you better than that. Go pull your pants up, take that ridiculous necklace off, and please get a haircut."

RAMIREZ: "No way! Do you want me to be a social outcast? Will that make you happy? Why are you ruining my social life?"

GONZALEZ: "I want you to look like you grew up in a proper family, not with a bunch of hippies. Now go change."

RAMIREZ: "I hate you! Why can't you let me be me? I'm not you, Dad!"

Then maybe Gonzalez finds pot in Hanley's room and asks where he learned how to smoke pot. Hanley yells "I learned it from you, dad!" And then Gonzalez looks guilty.

The Ramirez situation seems to be cooling down and maybe the Cutler one will too someday. But these organizational fights are sounding more and more like domestic disputes. Maybe one day soon a coach will take off his belt and spank the star. That will be a fun news day.