Comparing the Sweater Vests

I may wear the sports pants, but I'm not a big fan of the vest. It's fine if you're wearing a full suit, but a vest with a shirt underneath seems pointless to me. I don't understand the functionality of them and all I notice is that it makes you look fatter. I guess the purpose is to keep a person's chest warm on chilly days, but I've never really seen it work.

That being said, I understand how the sweater vest could be fashionable in the midwest. It can be used in the layering process that is so important to survival there since it's 65 degrees inside and -5 outside. Plus, the vest works perfectly with that midwestern sense of humility. You want to show off that new sweater, but not THAT much of it. This way you can still have the white oxford button up coming from underneath so that people know you aren't too artsy like that Mapother kid that moved to L.A. and came back with purple hair and a nipple ring.

Well, the midwest lost one of it's beloved sweater vest supporters when Tony Dungy retired. This leaves only Ohio State's Jim Tressel as a nationally recognized sweater vest supporter.

In honor of the great Tony Dungy and the sweater vest, let us compare the two coaches in a general unscientific way:

THE VESTS
Tony wore a blue one with a Colts symbol, Tressel wears a red one with an Ohio State symbol. The red vest is much more "look at me" than the elegantly understated blue one that Dungy sported, but we'll forgive Tressel since that happens to be one of the Ohio State colors.

THE COACHES
Dungy is a well respected NFL coach who consistently puts good teams on the field, but has only won the championship once. That championship did, however, go through the hated New England Patriots and their Prince of Grumpiness head coach. The Colts did get some ref help in the form of a pass interference call against the Patriots (face guarding is legal). Dungy was haunted throughout most of his career by the Patriots who constantly cut Dungy's dreams short. His players are hard working and generally stay out of trouble.

Tressel is a well respected college coach who consistently puts good teams on the field, but has only won the championship once. That championship did, however, go through an arrogant Miami Hurricanes team that the majority of the U.S. was rooting against. The Buckeyes did get some ref help in the form of a pass interference call against a Miami player at a key moment in the game. Tressel has been haunted throughout most of his career by the warm weather schools where speedier players constantly run circles around the plodding Buckeyes. His players are hard working and generally stay out of trouble.

Tony Dungy has proven, along with Colts GM Bill Polian, to be a good drafter landing the likes of Dwight Freeny and Bob Sanders.

Jim Tressel has proven to be a good recruiter landing the likes of Beanie Wells and Terrelle Pryor.

Dungy had the pleasure of coaching Peyton Manning, one of the top NFL QB's of all time

Tressel has had the pleasure of coaching QBs Craig Krenzel, Justin Zwick, Troy Smith, Todd Boeckman...uuuhhhh....

Well, Krenzel won a title (and apparently is a brainiac in the classroom), Smith won a Hiesman, and Terrelle Pryor could end up being a great QB. We'll see.

So there you go. A semi ode to the sweater vest and the two men that have made the thing relevant in sports. May your day be more sweatery and vesty after reading this.