SportsPants -- Its Sports talk with a Relaxed Fit

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2011-08-26T18:32:00.001-05:00

The Fantasy Football PantsCast is here! Go listen. Go!

FF PantsCast June 29

2011-06-30T13:47:00.002-05:00

No, there is no NFL as of now. Yes, we still did a fantasy football pre preview. You'll thank us later.

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PantsCast June 15 2011

2011-06-16T15:29:00.009-05:00

The Mavericks win, the Mavericks win! Has anyone talked about that yet? We attempt to. Then we discuss our top sports championships of all time and mention one crazy NHL series. Finally, it's a corn dog "What's Wrong With Humans." Listen to us lose all momentum and derail the train.

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PantsCast June 6 2011

2011-06-07T17:19:00.003-05:00

What will a Heat victory do to LeBron's legacy? Does Dirk's change without one after this series? Plaxico and his bloody leg limp out of jail and USC gets another punishment that doesn't mean much from the NCAA. Plus, "What's Wrong With Humans."

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PantsCast May 31 2011

2011-06-01T17:00:00.004-05:00

The NBA Finals, an icy move, a star moves, and the demise of the seater vest. Plus, civil rights talk on What's Wrong With Humans.

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PantsCast May 25 2011

2011-05-27T22:52:00.002-05:00

The top ten reasons to root for the Mavericks over the Heat. Plus, a blind man gets taken advantage of...in such a dirty way on What's Wrong With Humans.

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PantsCast May 19 2011

2011-05-20T18:51:00.004-05:00

NBA playoff talk with the Scrooge McDuck of the PantsCast. And here comes the gay man, sports. Deal with it. Plus another exciting episode of What's Wrong With Humans.

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PantsCast May 9 2011

2011-05-10T21:01:00.004-05:00

We finally get to review the NFL Draft in our own simplistic sort of way (aka NOT like Mel Kiper), we discuss the happiest day of my NBA watching existence, and one of the more bizarre What's Wrong With Humans. That's saying something.

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NFL Draft PantsCast 2011

2011-05-01T22:20:00.004-05:00

Sure you read the mock drafts and you watched the first round. Now hear the PantsCast compress a three and a half hour draft into an hour and eighteen minutes. It's part football talk, part short attention span theater.

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PantsCast April 18 2011

2011-04-19T21:24:00.003-05:00

Who to root for in the NBA playoffs, NFL Draft preview and JaMarcus Russell time! Plus, a person who gets punished for moving too much on What's Wrong With Humans.

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PantsCast April 12 2011

2011-04-13T21:25:00.003-05:00

Has the term douchebag been watered down? Sideline reporters, texting your junk, baseball talk, NBA vs NHL playoff formats, and an unfortunate clean up in the grocery store in What's Wrong With Humans.

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PantsCast April 6

2011-04-07T22:15:00.003-05:00

Final thoughts on the worst college basketball game in history, Opening Day, personal assaults on Cam Newton, and the dangers of closing a laptop computer in "What's Wrong With Humans."

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PantsCast March 29 2011

2011-03-30T18:34:00.004-05:00

The Final Four and the one person who called it correctly, Jason and Jalen Rose vs Coach K, the idiot known as Dez, and Virginia schools quickly making a name for themselves on "What's Wrong With Humans."

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PantsCast March 21 2011

2011-03-22T18:27:00.002-05:00

The bleeding out of our March Madness brackets, why Joe refuses to root for Pitt ever again, another bit for Chad Ocho Cinco, the Mets get bit by the past again, and a holy trifecta of ingredients for this week's What's Wrong With Humans.

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PantsCast March 14 2011

2011-03-15T13:52:00.003-05:00

Moving talk, NFL officially locks out, NCAA March Madness, and our favorite fatty friend, JaMarcus on "What's Wrong With Humans."

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PantsCast March 9 2011

2011-03-10T07:54:00.003-06:00

The NFL lockout, Fig Newton's brother, Cam, crying Heat, our memories of some of the worst ref calls, and chivalry gets you suspended on "What's Wrong With Humans."

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PantsCast March 2 2011

2011-03-03T10:18:00.005-06:00

Oscar talk, an idea on how to get the NFL combine to better manage NFL players, and Buzz Bissinger is either crazy or lazy. Plus, more nudity on What's Wrong With Humans.

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PantsCast February 23 2011

2011-02-24T13:56:00.003-06:00

An episode chock full of human idiocy. Why isn't Carmelo getting blasted for his actions like LeBron James did? We talk about the great Auburn University tree assasination, and why lawmakers in this country have to go to one extreme or the other. Plus, a text no man wants to recieve in this week's episode of "What's Wrong With Humans."

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PantsCast February 16 2011

2011-02-17T15:28:00.002-06:00

It's a slow sports week, so Joe and I discuss everything from epic fail seasons to dog shows. Plus, it was only a matter of time before text arguments turned fatal on What's Wrong With Humans.

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PantsCast February 9 2011

2011-02-10T17:46:00.002-06:00

The final football podcast of the season. We look over the Super Bowl memories and I provide some post game audio I collected from the game. We review the commercials, fan reactions, plus another episode of snort happy kids in this week's "What's Wrong With Humans."

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PantsCast February 3

2011-02-04T12:32:00.001-06:00

The week before the Super Bowl and SportsPants brings you audio from the Super Bowl media day he attended. Plus, things that make an interesting Super Bowl party and an idiot who just couldn't be without his cell phone on What's Wrong With Humans.

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PantsCast January 26

2011-01-27T22:08:00.001-06:00

SportsPants has fled to south of the border in search of nachos, so it's up to Joe and Jason to entertain you. God help us all.

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PantsCast January 17 2011

2011-01-18T20:38:00.003-06:00

A discussion of what has taken place so far in the football world and we look ahead to the NFL conference championship games and think of some possibilities of what might happen...no, not just during the game, other stuff. Just tune in. And a Harry Potter fan who left reality in the first What's Wrong With Humans segment of 2011.

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PantsCast Fantasy Football Awards Show

2011-01-12T20:51:00.003-06:00

It's the 2nd annual SportsPants panties awards show! Anyone who played fantasy football this year will love this Oscars-like extravaganza.

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PantsCast January 6, 2011

2011-01-06T15:40:00.003-06:00

Week 17 awards and the unique PantsCast guide on who to root for in the NFL playoffs. It's like pairing a fine wine with dinner, if dinner were playoff football.

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Fantasy Football PantsCast December 28 2010

2010-12-29T12:41:00.002-06:00

Who can you trust in the last week of your fantasy football season? Week 16 playoff awards, week 17 preview, and what a New Zeland boy does when he gets cold feet on this week's "What's Wrong With Humans." Plus, Jason gets busted for PWI, Podcasting while Intoxicated.

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Fantasy Football PantsCast December 21 2010

2010-12-22T10:17:00.002-06:00

We discuss playoff rosters after the Adrian Peterson fiasco, week 15 awards, week 16 preview, and one embaressed son in this week's What's Wrong With Humans.

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Fantasy Football PantsCast December 14

2010-12-15T11:38:00.003-06:00

We cover playoff etiquette: how not to be your league jackass. Week 14 awards, week 15 preview, why we all hate Matt Schaub, and a case of double trouble in this week's episdoe of What's Wrong With Humans.

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Fantasy Football PantsCast December 7

2010-12-08T11:56:00.003-06:00

Fantasy football playoffs are here! We give you the basic does and do nots to follow as you go into your fantasy playoffs. Week 13 awards, week 14 preview and crimes for obesity on What's Wrong With Humans.

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Or download the mp3 at the top lefthand corner of this blog.

Fantasy Football PantsCast November 30

2010-12-02T00:05:00.003-06:00

The 3/4 season report, week 12 awards, week 13 preview, and young people snort the darndest things on What's Wrong With Humans.

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Fantasy Football PantsCast November 23

2010-11-24T13:12:00.003-06:00

How the NFL coaching carousel could affect your fantasy playoffs, the continued droopy days of the PantsCast crew, Week 11 awards, Week 12 preview, and the loss of Thanksgiving meaning on What's Wrong With Humans.

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Fantasy Football PantsCast November 16 2010

2010-11-17T19:31:00.005-06:00

A riveting story about the abuse of power in fantasy football, week 10 awards, week 11 preview, and a rugby player who went just a little too far in What's Wrong With Humans.

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Fantasy Football PantsCast November 9

2010-11-10T14:44:00.007-06:00

Week 9 awards, week 10 preview, a team out there which couldn't get a bag of baseballs for their once highly ranked fantasy stars, and a three year pregnancy in this week's "What's Wrong With Humans."

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The More Things Change...

2010-11-09T16:16:00.001-06:00

Wade Phillips is gone.

The man who is apparently the reason for all of the troubles in Dallas during this miserable joke of a season has finally been shown the door. In his place is the Ivy League offensive genius, Jason Garrett. The problem is that Garrett has been under fire as well this year since the Cowboys haven't exactly lit up the scoreboard. Forget the fact that Garrett was offered head coaching positions at Atlanta and Baltimore two years ago, most fans seem to assume that Garrett will be no more than an interim head coach to ride out this year before Jerry goes out and gets someone else.

Someone else.

That seems to be the battle cry of the modern day Cowboys. The franchise that gained the America's Team title while having only one coach in 29 years now has seven coaches in the 20 following years. Of those coaches, only Jimmy Johnson has managed to win more than one playoff game.

And therein lies the problem with the Cowboys. You can rehash this coaching change until you're as blue in the face as that star on the Cowboys helmet, nothing is going to change much.

We thought that Jerry Jones had learned his lesson in 2003 when, after several 5-11 seasons where the only thing worse than the Cowboys' play on the field were the decisions made in the draft room, he finally relented and hired a "football guy" in Bill Parcells. The Tuna didn't win playoff games here, but what he did do was change the losing culture of the franchise. He didn't accept excuses and he made shrewd draft choices (mostly) that brought in hard working players that you build a team around. The top players on today's Cowboys squad: Romo, Witten, Ware, Austin, all appeared during the Tuna's turn here. At the very least, this team was poised to make a championship run.

And then Jerry destroyed it.

Jones has made it clear that he hated things when Parcells was here. He had to give up his power and exposure. He was just another owner and that wasn't okay with Jerry.

So Jones went out and reverted back to his old habit of getting a mild mannered coach who would never dare steal Jerry's spotlight. Wade Phillips is one of the nicest guys in the National Football League, but he's not a leader who demands respect. All of a sudden, no one was accountable for their actions like they were under Parcell's reign.

The Cowboys still won because they were talented. But you saw disturbing signs all during Wade's tenure here. The drafts weren't nearly as fruitful. The players didn't have to worry about hungry younger guys coming in the compete for jobs. Wade kept making excuses for his team.

Then came this past off-season. The Cowboys somehow thought that winning one playoff game before getting their doors blown off in Minnesota meant that they should be Super Bowl favorites. Training camp was nicknamed "camp cupcake" by some due to it's lackadaisical nature. Jones was busy marketing his new stadium to anyone and everyone whether it was for college football, boxing, or concerts. It's like everyone was busy doing anything except playing football.

And that leads us to today. Wade is gone, Garrett is in, but it doesn't matter. The damage was done over a course of several years. The accountability Parcells instilled in this team to make them winners again is buried under a soft head coaching tenure where it was once again clear that the owner is in charge.

The Cowboys are back at square one. Jerry can either remember what it took to save his team the first time, or he can be stubborn (as he famously is) and insist on hiring puppet head coaches who's aura never intrudes on his own. Jones' decision is the difference between a return to the title hunt, or another string of losing seasons and long off-seasons.

Pants Sounds Off About The Mess Known As The Dallas Cowboys

2010-11-09T14:49:00.002-06:00

Some people (okay, two) are asking my opinions about the nonsense going on with the Dallas Cowboys. Will firing Wade be the answer? Is Jason Garrett the man? Do any of these questions actually matter?

I went on Chicago radio to enlighten them about all things Dallasy this morning.

Listen Here.

What a Ride

2010-11-05T16:00:00.004-05:00

Now that the dust from the World Series has settled, I can sit back and reflect.

Yes, the Rangers got their hides tanned by the Giants. They couldn't hit and therefor they couldn't win. It sucked.

Oh well.

The bigger picture is that the Rangers made an improbable run to their first World Series ever.

The ride was wonderful and it's something that only a certain few baseball teams can appreciate. A few years ago, the country watched all the Boston fans go crazy as their curse was lifted with the arrival of a title.

It was a good story, but the Red Sox have been a flagship team over the years. They weren't a city joke like the Rangers have been.

Texas has been so bad over the years, it's been comical. They've lost since they came to Dallas in 1970. In that time, teams like the Marlins and Diamondbacks have been created and have won a World Series title. Even the Rockies made a run a few years ago. The Rangers had more than a 20 year head start on these teams and still lagged far behind in success.

As the playoffs began this season, Texas had exactly one playoff win in 40 years. One. Teams have had long championship droughts (hello Cubs and Indians fans), but very few are like the Rangers where there isn't a person that can remember at least a good playoff run.

That putrid history is what made this year so much more special. There is nothing like your first championship run in sports. The genuine excitement of the crowd, the way the team takes a city by storm...imagine what Charlie felt like when he first entered the chocolate factory.

It's a feeling you can't ever recreate again. Sure, Rangers fans will still celebrate a championship should one come in the future, but the journey has been taken already. We've seen an ALDS and ALCS series celebration. It's not new territory anymore. There isn't a mix of exhilaration and disbelief from loyal fans who have watched a lifetime of bad baseball with the hope that this moment might one day come.

So excuse me if I don't get angry when fans talk smack to me after the World Series loss (oddly, it's not the Giants fans doing the talking, but a collection of fans from teams who's seasons ended long ago.) If you think a team has a failure of a season because they didn't win the championship, you are missing a lot. Just go back and look at Texas during the 2010 season.

Sincerely,

Claw and Antlers.

Fantasy Football PantsCast November 2010

2010-11-03T14:04:00.007-05:00

Halfway point report on the fantasy season, week 8 awards, week 9 preview, and a man who gets rich simply by being handsy in this week's "What's Wrong With Humans."

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Fantasy Football PantsCast October 26

2010-10-27T14:07:00.004-05:00

Happy Fantasy Football Halloween! Our fantasy Halloween costumes, Week 7 awards, the Week 8 preview although no one can predict anything this year. Plus, Long Island idiocy lives on Halloween during "What's Wrong With Humans."

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Fantasy Football PantsCast October 19

2010-10-20T14:32:00.004-05:00

Week 6 awards, what to do with your players who just aren't performing up to par, Week 7 preview, and an entrepreneur who made his sales until he got arrested on What's Wrong With Humans.

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2010-10-15T15:41:00.003-05:00

Check me out suckas!

If you wonder why I haven't been blogging much on here, it's because I've been crotch deep in NFL blog writing.

Also, I work for a living. Overrated, but it's so much better than not working.

Click here to check out the NFL stories.

Fantasy Football PantsCast October 12

2010-10-13T19:31:00.005-05:00

The season quarterly report. What the hell is going on? Week 5 awards, Week 6 previews. At least we'll attempt to preview. Nothing makes sense anymore. And watch your dish detergent in this week's segment of What's Wrong With Humans.

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Fantasy Football PantsCast October 5

2010-10-06T22:18:00.006-05:00

Week 4 awards, week 5 preview and we look at the anatomy of a trade as you are undoubtedly getting a slew of ridiculous offers by now.

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Fantasy Football PantsCast Sept 28

2010-09-29T16:55:00.003-05:00

Week 3 awards and we look ahead to week 4 where no one knows what's going on. Plus, a voyeur doing his thing in the wrong place on What's Wrong With Humans.

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or

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Fantasy Football PantsCast Sept 22

2010-09-24T16:16:00.002-05:00

Week 2 awards, Week 3 preview and some doozy games that went down with the wire. The insanity of certain NFL coaches and I coin a new word. Just like Shakespeare does.

Click here for the least delusional fantasy football podcast around.

Who To Follow

2010-09-20T15:47:00.002-05:00

So I'm sitting here in Dallas waiting for the sky to fall after the Cowboys lost again. So far it still seems to be up there, but I have a mattress over my bathtub just in case. Okay, the mattress is always there because I sleep in the bathtub. It's just my thing.

There was a moment during the Cowboys humiliating loss to the Bears on Sunday when an agitated Jason Witten was on the sideline desperately trying to argue his way back into the game. He had a possible concussion and the Dallas medical staff smartly didn't allow Witten to man up and go do further damage to his brain.

As I watched him though, I found myself wishing I could clone him to put on other parts of the team. I don't mean that because Witten is possibly the most complete tight end in the game, I mean that because Witten possibly has the most character of anyone wearing a star on their helmet. I think that scarcity of leadership is the biggest issue facing this 0-2 team. Talk about the offensive line, Tony Romo, or Roy Williams all you want, to me it keeps coming back to the same issue.

This team generally needs a General.

Look at the past Super Bowl winners. The Colts and Saints have unquestioned quarterback leadership from Peyton Manning and Drew Brees. The Giants rallied behind Michael Strahan to win the Super Bowl. The Steelers had the defensive wizardry of Dick LeBeau and the no excuses preaching of Mike Tomlin.

The Cowboys have...what? Tony Romo isn't that type of leader, he's just one of the guys. That's his personality and it's not a knock on him, Eli Manning isn't a big leader either and he has a Super Bowl ring. DeMarcus Ware isn't a leader in the locker room, he's a beast you let loose on the field to destroy an offense. Miles Austin isn't the leader, he's all smiles because he remembers when he didn't even have a spot in the staring lineup. Keith Brooking is a good leader, but he's at the end of his career. He's not a dominant star.

Jay Ratliff? Nope. Over achiever in the middle of the defense

Terrance Newman? Nope.

Mike Jenkins? Brash young player. Not a leader

Roy Williams? Okay, now I'm getting ridiculous.

The point is that the Cowboys have no on field studs who not only play well, but inspire others to play well for them. Imagine Ray Lewis screaming at his defense. Imagine Tom Brady directing his receivers to the right place. Look how excited Jared Allen got the other Vikings during their playoff run last year. The Cowboys have no one like that. Either the Cowboys have to get lucky in the draft one year and just grab a super stud player without the character issues or they have to change the one position where they can pick a guy to lead the team.

The Cowboys need to get a new head coach.

This isn't a Wade Phillips bashing segment. I like Wade, he's nice to people. He doesn't walk around with a permanent scowl on his face like Todd Haley in Kansas City or refuse to talk to the media like Eric Mangini in Cleveland. He is a genuinely good guy, but he's not the guy this team needs.

This team needs a leader as head coach. They need a guy who will not make excuses and not accept excuses either. No more blown assignments, no more dropped balls, no more celebrity personalities, and no more talk. You either get it done, or you don't. That's the nature of the NFL. If you need an example, look no further than the New York Jets. Rex Ryan changed the culture of that entire team virtually overnight.

The question is, will the one person who is capable of this move make the right call? Jerry Jones owns this team and he wants to be in charge. He hired Bill Parcells for a few years and though the Tuna turned this team around, Jerry was miserable the entire time. Jerry like the media, he likes people to talk about his team and he likes people to talk about him. If he brings in a forceful personality at head coach, there will be inevitable clashes. It won't always be fun for Jerry, but that's what this team needs if they are to make the next big step.

So there it is. The only way for this team to really take a step towards another Super Bowl title. Jerry's in charge, will he pick promotion or the playoffs?

Fantasy Football PantsCast Sept 14

2010-09-15T19:07:00.004-05:00

Week 1 awards and a look ahead to who will be naughty and who will be nice on your team. Plus, Sears needs a new marketing department on What's Wrong With Humans.

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Old Vs New

2010-09-11T16:13:00.004-05:00

I was watching a college football pre-game show today from Tuscaloosa, Alabama, where tonight the Penn State Nittany Lions will attempt to upset the Crimson Tide at home. Personally, I don't think Penn State has a shot, but that's not what this post is about.

Behind the commentators was a crowd of pro-Alabama fans (who would have thought.) One gentleman held up a giant sign that said "Clash of the Titans." Below the title were two pictures: one of Penn State head coach Joe Paterno and one of Alabama head coach Nick Saban.

My first reaction was anger. How dare this kid compare flavor of the year Nick Saban to a legend like Joe Pa! Paterno is an institution. He is as much the identity of Penn State as the bland uniforms or the Happy Valley crowd. He graduates kids and he makes them decent citizens. You don't hear of shoplifting and drug selling on his teams.

Saban? His loyalty is to one place: himself. He goes where the money and fame is. He keeps his kids in class mostly, but have no doubt, he's there to win football games. Well, unless he decides to go down the street to your rival school and coach there. He disgusts me.

And then I thought about it and realized that is what a college football coach has become. And it's our own fault. As much as I love Joe Pa, when is the last time I stopped down just to watch a Penn State football game? I know they've had a recent resurgence, but they are still a boring team and I've personally never seen them as a national title contender for over a decade. The Penn State teams are just like their coach: solid.

Saban? He's one of the most successful coaches in college football right now. He's won two national titles this decade. His teams are usually in the top ten. His defenses are legendary. Ask fans and they'll take that any day. Solid citizens can't be bragged about at the bar. Championships can.

So I stand corrected. This game really is the clash of the titan coaches. But instead of a heavyweight fight, it's more like the lightsaber battle between old Ben Kenobi and Darth Vader from the original "Star Wars." One man is noble and a beacon of light, but he's old and losing power. The other is a dark lord who is at the top of his game. Saban is the new face of college football: a mercenary coach for a money making machine. And it's exactly what most fans want.

Go Penn State.

NFL Season Predictions

2010-09-10T17:27:00.002-05:00

The NFL season has begun and I just realized I haven't given you my season predictions yet. Since I know you've just been dying to hear from me, I'll go ahead and give them to you now although you would have heard them weeks ago if you'd just download the PantsCast.

One thing to remind you of: in today's NFL, playoff teams from a year ago only return to the playoffs at about a 50% rate. You'll see some new faces in the playoffs this year.

My Division Winners:

NFC

NFC West- San Francisco: By default really. Arizona has a quarterback who has the touch of a refrigerator shot out of a cannon. He looks like he attempts to put holes in his receiver when he throws it to them. The Seahawks have a bunch of players who are either too old or too young to be successful right now and the Rams are the Rams. They're terrible. So congrats 49ers, 8-8 should get you into the playoffs this year.

NFC South- Atlanta: Just a gut pick really. New Orleans is on a roll already, but I can't shake the feeling that everything just came together for the Saints last year. They'll be good this year, but just not dominant. I also pick the Falcons because no team has repeated as champions of the NFC South. Carolina is right up there with the other two, but I can't pick them until I know what Matt Moore has at quarterback. If he throws it to his teammates, he'll be a step ahead of Jake Delhomme. And bringing up the rear is Tampa Bay. They're way back there trying to get the anchor up to the pirate ship.
NFC North- Green Bay: This division once again comes down to Green Bay and Minnesota. I pick Green Bay this year because they look like they're ready to roll. It won't be easy though, the Vikings will still be powerful. I pick the Lions to overcome the Bears this year. Detroit has been a division joke for so long, but now they have hope and while they know they can't catch the top teams, my guess is that they'll target the Bears and go after them. Chicago has zero line and an aging defense. The entire coaching staff will be gone by the end of the season.

NFC East- New York Giants: This is always the most difficult division to pick. I'll say the Giants because they'll be motivated. They sucked at the end of last year and it was embarrassing considering they started 5-0. Dallas is the chic pick to win this division, but the schedule is harder and the offensive line is way too banged up to be excited about them. Philadelphia could be a sneaky division pick, but that means you'd have to ignore new quarterback Kevin Kolb completely bombing during the pre-season. More offensive line troubles too.

AFC

AFC West- San Diego Chargers: Again, who else can you pick? The Raiders dumped fatty JaMarcus, but I'm not picking them to win a division. I have no idea what the Broncos are doing, but it isn't going to help them this year, especially since their best pass rusher tore his pectoral muscle. Ouch. Kansas City is just too bad to win a division yet. Vomit.

AFC South- Tennessee Titans: Not the Colts?! I don't know why I'm picking Tennessee. To me both the Titans and the Texans are desperately trying to catch up to the Colts. I just think Tennessee might do it this year. The Texans could do it too, but they melt down so much late in gmaes, that I just can't trust them. Then there's Jacksonville. Forget about them. You'll never see them on television since they don't sell out their home games, you want hear about them in the playoff picture, and you probably won't see them in Jacksonville much longer. So...fun!

AFC North- Baltimore: Ignore the ridiculous problems in the defensive backfield (I think Chris Rock was brought in at one point to play cornerback) and just look at the rest of the team. The offensive line is solid, the back field is tough and Joe Flacco is knocking on the door of QB stardom. On defense, the front seven are beasts so if the secondary can just not be pathetic, the Ravens will be tough. The Bengals are the ex division champs and are basically a halfway house for NFL morons. I really want Cincy to win the division and I really want them to enter the stadium in a clown car and have all 22 starters fall out. It fits. Pittsburgh can't be counted out, but you have the Big Ben supsension for a month, you have offensive line troubles, and you have a rough late schedule. Not good. Cleveland...thanks for showing up this year. Maybe in 2011. Maybe.

AFC East- New England: While the Jets are Hard Knocking, the Pats are getting ready for the season. The Jets definitely have the talent to take this division, but I get the feeling the team has the arrogance of a Super Bowl champ and yet they haven't even been to the Super Bowl since the Beatles were still a band. That's not a good sign. Get the attitude after you show up, guys. Miami is some wierd mix of Parcells guys (big, unassuming guys) and freaks (Brandon Marshall and Ricky Williams). They should be tough, but something is missing...oh right, a secondary. The Bills are basically the NFL version of the Phantom Zone. They won't be easy to beat, but they aren't winning anything.

Playoff Wild Cards:

NFC

Minnesota: The Vikings won't beat the Packers out this year, but they know this probably Brett Favre's last go around for real, so they'll be desperate to win.

New Orleans: You can't totally write off a Super Bowl champ. Especially when they have Drew Brees.

AFC

Indianapolis: You can't totally write off a Super Bowl runner up. Especially when they have Peyton Manning.

Cincinnati : I just really want the Bengals to win. It's good entertainment value.

I'll say Ravens over the Packers in the Super Bowl though I hope I'm wrong. I don't want the Ravens to win.

NFL MVP: Aaron Rodgers. He's gonna light it up like Christmas tree.

Rookie of the Year: Ryan Matthews. He'll just get more chances than other rookies.

So there you go. A quick run through the NFL 2010. Luckily, I can edit this when my picks go flaming out of contention.

PantsCast September 6- Fantasy Draft Fun

2010-09-07T22:45:00.003-05:00

Want some entertainment? I give you the PantsCast from September 6, 2010, complete with live audio from our fantasy draft. We have some naughty words bleeped out, arrogant smugness, panic moves during the draft, and all sorts of live reactions in our draft.

Click Here to attend the awesomeness.

As a bonus, here is what the three PantsCast members ended up with for their teams. Who do you think won?

Brad (SportsPants):
QB: Matt Schaub
RB: Maurice Jones Drew
RB: Jonathan Stewart
WR: Calvin Johnson
WR: Terrell Owens
WR: Jabar Gaffney
TE: Jermichael Finley
RB/WR: Jerome Harrison
K: David Buehler
D: Philadelphia
BN: Cadillac Williams
BN: Donovan McNabb
BN: Nate Washington
BN: Nate Burelson
BN: Julian Edelman

Joe ( Shakespeare):
QB: Tony Romo
RB: Adrian Peterson
RB: Ronnie Brown
WR: Brandon Marshall
WR: Malcolm Floyd
WR: Devin Aromashodu
TE: Dallas Clark
RB/WR: Reggie Bush
D: Cincinnati
K: David Akers
BN: Kevin Kolb
BN: Fred Jackson
BN: Mike Williams (SEA)
BN: Leon Washington
BN: Toby Gerhart

Jason (Scrooge):
QB: Jay Cutler
RB: Steven Jackson
RB: Jahvid Best
WR: Larry Fitzgerald
WR: Steve Smith
WR: Mike Williams (TB)
TE: Jason Witten
RB/WR: C.J. Spiller
D: New Orleans
K: Matt Prater
BN: Justin Forsett
BN: Donald Brown
BN: Matt Stafford
BN: Dexter McCluster
BN: Kenny Britt

August 31- NFL Season Preview

2010-09-01T14:10:00.004-05:00

We preview the NFL season and give our picks for playoff teams and Super Bowl contenders. Plus, a Hawaiian guy falls victim to the evil video game industry on What's Wrong With Humans.

I foresee you clicking here to download the PantsCast.

The Win/Fail Entitites in the 18 Game NFL Schedule

2010-08-30T09:24:00.002-05:00

The NFL owners look to be going ahead with their idea for an 18 game schedule as the future of the NFL. Let's take a look at who wins and who loses with this decision:

WIN- Owners: Mo money, mo money, mo money! That's what this all comes down to. Fans aren't falling for the pre-season garbage anymore and stadiums are only half filled, so the owners now make the games count and watch the green come flooding in.

FAIL- Players: Think you were sore after a 16 game schedule? Get ready to have your career further shortened and go ahead and say goodbye to your knees and various other joints right now.

WIN- Agents: Mo money, mo money, mo money! Don't think the additional gate for two extra games won't be involved in future contract negotiations.

FAIL- Veterans under contract: What is Darrelle Revis doing? He's trying to get this multi-year contract right now, which is being discussed under a 16 game schedule. Soon he'll realize that he could have made more. Pity the veteran that has his multi-year contract already in place. He'll have to play the extra games, but won't get paid for them. Well, don't actually pity him...

WIN- Wild card teams: Two more games to right the ship and get momentum going as you go into the playoffs

FAIL- Fans of early division winners: Remember the Colts last year? They had the division sewn up by week 13 and the final games were this mish mash of reserves throwing out a complete gong show while everyone asked if the team was losing it's mojo with the sudden loss of intensity in games. Now add two extra meaningless games at the end of the Indy season. Yawn.

WIN- Coaches on the hot seat: Two extra games to try and prove you belong before the inevitable guillotine falls on your headset.

FAIL- NBA, NHL, Major League Baseball etc: The juggernaut NFL puts in two more regular season games = two more weeks where Americans completely ignore your sport. It's a machine.

WIN- 1972 Miami Dolphins: Those annoying men in aqua have long beaten us down with their yearly champagne parties once the final undefeated team loses in the NFL. Yes, they went undefeated. The 2007 Patriots actually won more games, but since Belichick's boys couldn't take out the Giants in the Super Bowl, it wasn't a perfect season. Now you add two extra games. It will be nearly impossible for a team to go undefeated ever again. Once again, we'll hear the likes of Don Shula and Mercury Morris babble on about how their team was the best ever because of the perfect record despite the fact that the Dolphins played a ridiculously easy schedule during a 14 game season. Joy.

FAIL- Fantasy football players: Get ready for more injuries and more giant red "Questionable" tags attached to the players on your team. My head hurts just thinking about it.

WIN- NFL Fans: More football = happy me.

Fantasy Football 2010 Preview--RB

2010-08-27T20:27:00.006-05:00

Okay, it's draft time for most of you, so let's go over the most important position on your team. Running backs won't score the most points and with the pass happy offenses these days, several receivers can score nearly as many fantasy points. So why are running backs considered so valuable? Because like some bitter woman once said about men; a good running back is hard to find.

If you have a top pick in your fantasy draft, you almost have to spend it one with the holy four backs: Chris Johnson, Adrian Peterson, Maurice Jones Drew or Ray Rice. All four of these guys are rare birds. They are the workhorse running backs which is a position that is quickly becoming extinct in today's specialized NFL where you have the big back and the "change of pace" guy.

The other reason running backs are so important early is that there is usually the biggest point discrepancy between the top running back drafted and the last running back drafted versus any other position. If you wait too long to get your running backs, you're going to be giving up a lot of points to the league members who grabbed them early.

THAT'S why all you see on mock drafts are running backs running backs running backs.

Top Dog: Chris Johnson
Look, I usually hate taking a consensus number one pick because the chances of him being number one two years in a row are slim, but Chris Johnson...daaaaamn. Barring injury, I don't see him slowing down. He plays in a run first offense with a defensive minded head coach who won't abandon the run. Plus, he's just a missed tackle away from going for a 78-yard touchdown. You're sitting there watching him get handled by a defense and then BAM, he's got 100 yards and a score. Can't argue against that.

Grenade: Joseph Addai
He's going in the seventh round and he's a starting runner. Everyone is worried about Donald Brown stealing carries and he will, but Shonn Green and Ryan Matthews are going in the top two rounds and they have third down backs to deal with. Don't give me this "Indy is a passing team" crap. Peyton knows how to use the running game to manipulate the defense. Addai won't get ignored.

Torpedo: LeSean McCoy
Not being drafted until the sixth round, but he's still being used as a starting running back. McCoy will be in an Eagles offense that is used to the smaller, quicker, Brian Westbrook. Plus, he has a first time starter at quarterback in front of him and word is McCoy isn't doing so well at picking up the blitz. Did I mention the Eagles' offensive line has been injured all pre-season? I smell growing pains. No, not the 80's sitcom.

Desperation Pick: Carnell Williams
You drank too much during your draft and passed out in the middle rounds. You wake up to see that you still need to fill a running back slot and it's the tenth round. Fear not dumb one, grab Cadillac. He's an injury risk, but he's the starter in Tampa. You aren't getting another starter in the tenth round unless you draft with monkeys. Then, maybe.

Rankings: See, this is how much I care about you, the PantsCast reader (even the Chinese ones who send me spam.) I'm giving you rankings knowing damn well the people in my fantasy leagues will look at it and use it agianst me. Best of luck to the Pantsers and to my leauge mates: screw you. Get your own rankings.

Chris Johnson
Maurice Jones-Drew
Adrian Peterson
Ray Rice
Frank Gore
Michael Turner
Steven Jackson
DeAngelo Williams
Rashard Mendenhall
Shonn Greene
Ryan Mathews
Cedric Benson
Jamaal Charles
Ryan Grant
Jonathan Stewart
Pierre Thomas
Jahvid Best
Joseph Addai
Beanie Wells
Knowshon Moreno
Matt Forte
LeSean McCoy
Ronnie Brown
Arian Foster
C.J. Spiller
Michael Bush
Justin Forsett
Rickey Williams
Cadillac Williams
Ahmad Bradshaw
Thomas Jones
Jerome Harrison
Marion Barber
Clinton Portis
Felix Jones
Montario Hardesty
Brandon Jacobs
Darren Sproles

August 24- Fantasy Football General Draft Preview

2010-08-25T14:02:00.002-05:00

How do you set up your draft? How do you avoid the moments in a fantasy draft where you just scream profanities and draft some random guy?

The PantsCast crew go over game planning a draft and what you should be looking for as the base of your fantasy team.

Also, white trash is alive and well in this week's What's Wrong With Humans.

Pay the money, take the ride.

Fantasy Football 2010 Preview--WR

2010-08-21T17:31:00.013-05:00

I'm going on a zombie pub crawl tonight, how about that? So it's time to figure out which wide receivers will be dead ends (HAHAHAHA kill me) this season.

Wide receivers are more up and down than any other position. One week they'll give you 150 yards and two touchdowns and then the next week they get shut down for 30 yards. This is because so many things have to go right for an NFL passing game to work. If your offensive line sucks, your quarterback won't have time to throw the ball deep (ask Greg Jennings owners about that problem last year). If you quarterback sucks, he might miss when the receiver is wide open (ask Steve Smith owners about that last year.) I happened to own both Jennings and Smith so I'm an expert on the subject and I also nearly had a stroke every Sunday last year.

The key is getting the receivers who will be a big part of a good passing offense. These are the receivers that offensive coordinators figure out ways to get open. It doesn't matter if a defense aims to stop them, the offense will find a way to make it work. That's the key in receiver grabbing during the early rounds. After that you just grab guys that you hope will emerge as pass catching threats. Let's took a look.

Top Dog: Andre Johnson
There isn't one mock draft that doesn't have Andre Johnson as the number one receiver. The guy is a beast. If you're sitting in the back half of your first round, consider passing on a running back and getting Johnson, he's as close to a sure thing that a receiver can be. He's big, fast, and he has a pretty lethal offense around him. He might be doing nothing for you and then BAM! he has a 69 yard touchdown. It's the way that offense works and he will always be in the mix for the ball.

Grenade: Dwayne Bowe
He's very boom or bust, but Bowe is the man in Kansas City. The only issue is his work habits. More accurately, it's coach Todd Haley's concerns with Bowe's work habits. Haley likes to play mind games with his players and do things like put them at third string so embarrass and motivate them. As a result, people get scared off by Bowe. He's not being drafted until the middle of the sixth round in most leagues and he's by far the most talented receiver in K.C. The Chiefs will be behind a lot so that means plenty of targets for Bowe. Boom.

Torpedo: Donald Driver
Poor Donald Driver. He's been nothing but consistent over the past few years and this is how I repay him. Football is a vicious bitch of a sport and Driver is old, that's the problem. He's old and he has two freshly operated on knees. He's a gamer, but there's a good chance Driver gets hurt or is just a step too slow this year. That means a big drop in production. Considering he's being taken less than a round after Bowe, he should be avoided.

Deperation Pick: Lee Evans
You've spent your drafting loading up other positions and now you find yourself looking for a second or third receiver in the tenth round. Not a good position to be in. Get Evans. He'll drive you insane because he's the poster child for getting you 30 points one week and 3 the next, but he's the number one receiver in Buffalo and that means they'll at least try to get him the ball. Just don't watch his games because it will drive you crazy. Don't watch Buffalo Bills games...now that's good advice.

Rankings:
Andre Johnson
Randy Moss
Larry Fitzgerald
Calvin Johnson
Reggie Wayne
DeSean Jackson
Miles Austin
Roddy White
Greg Jennings
Brandon Marshall
Marques Colston
Steve Smith-CAR
Sidney Rice
Anquan Boldin
Steve Smith-NYG
Chad Ochocinco
Hakeem Nicks
Michael Crabtree
Dwayne Bowe
Mike Sims-Walker
Percy Harvin
Jeremy Maclin
Johnny Knox
Santana Moss
Terrell Owens
Malcolm Floyd
Lee Evans
Vincent Jackson
Dez Bryant
T.J. Houshmandzadeh
Devin Aromashodu
Pierre Garcon
Robert Meachem
Derrick Mason
Jabaar Gaffney
Golden Tate
Mike Williams
James Jones
Dexter McCluster

August 17- Fantasy Football RB Preview

2010-08-18T13:40:00.002-05:00

It's the big one. We preview fantasy running backs and discuss why wearing a ball cap will cost you your job.

Click Here and enjoy.

Fantasy Football 2010 Preview--QB

2010-08-16T14:00:00.007-05:00

It's my birthday and yet here I am helping you prepare for your fantasy league. You're welcome. And yes, I know I'm pretty pathetic. Just shut up and read:

Like the other positions, I've already discussed quarterbacks on the PantsCast which you can download as an MP3 if you'd like some entertainment. We do have ourselves some fun on there.

If you're so terribly busy that you can't or you're just too lazy to be bothered, here are some thoughts on the QB's.

Quarterbacks are the position that can most change depending on your league settings. If you're a touchdown-heavy league (50 yds passing = one point and TD's = six), then you really want a quarterback like Matt Schaub: a guy in a good offense that can't run the ball in short yardage situatuions. In this kind of league you drop down guys like Tony Romo and Matt Ryan because both play for teams that like to hammer the ball in the running game which means a greater chance for a rushing touchdown.

If you're in a standard league (25 yards passing = 1 point, TD's are six points) then here's what to look for:

Top Dog: Aaron Rodgers
Rodgers led all quarterbacks in scoring last year and that was with two dead offensive tackles. There were no deep threats on Green Bay last year because Rodgers would be buried in the dirt before he could throw the ball. Yet he led fantasy QB's in scoring. Now his linemen are healthy. Do the math.

Grenade: Kevin Kolb
Kolb is only the tenth quarterback taken this year because no one knows what to expect from the first year starter. If you find yourself late in the draft with no quarterback, get him. He's been studying for three years under Donovan McNabb and now he will quarterback a passing offense that has DeSean Jackson and Jeremy Maclin. The last quarterback to tutor under a passing legend for a few years before he started was Aaron Rodgers. See above.

Torpedo: Phillp Rivers
I don't think you should worry if you get Rivers. He'll be solid. The problem is he's being drafted with the top QB's. He's missing his best receiver for at least three games and it's possible Rivers won't get him back again. Plus, stud offensive lineman Marcus McNeil is holding out. Even if he makes it back before the season, he'll be behind schedule. What makes Rivers the biggest torpedo candidate, however, is the drafting of running back Ryan Matthews. Last year the Chargers couldn't really pound the ball, so Rivers took to getting the ball to his running backs via the pass. This year, count on the rookie running back to get the ball early and often. Good for the Chargers offense, bad for Rivers' numbers.

Desperation Pick: Joe Flacco
Aw crap! You trade to make it one more round before you picked a quarterback and now four teams just made a QB run that left you in the dust! Not to worry, just draft Joe Flacco. He's ready to bust out and he has Anquan Boldin now. Plus, he's being drafted as the 13th quarterback in most leagues. Get him and pick another quarterback whose schedule meshes well with his (hint: Donovan McNabb should still be around). Then you can play mix and match with your mest match-up every week. My only concern with Flacco is the run first attitude of the Ravens.

Rankings:
Aaron Rodgers
Drew Brees
Peyton Manning
Tony Romo
Matt Schaub
Tom Brady
Philip Rivers
Kevin Kolb
Brett Favre (just tell us you're coming back you jackass).
Jay Cutler
Joe Flacco
Matt Ryan
Eli Manning
Donovan McNabb
Carson Palmer
Matt Satfford
Ben Toothlesburger

Fantasy Football 2010 Preview--TE

2010-08-13T12:12:00.006-05:00

We've already previewed the TE position on the PantsCast a few weeks back, but for those of you who still haven't tasted the delicious fruit of our podcasts, I'll lay it out for you here.

These tight end rankings are based on basic league settings (non-ppr) with 6 points for a touch down, one pt. per 10 yards rushed or received, and 1 pt. per 25 yards passed.

Top Dog: Antonio Gates
Lots of experts picked Dallas Clark as number one and he's a consistent top performer, but Gates has been as well and the Chargers are missing Vincent Jackson for at least three games. That means even more targets for Gates since he has the best connection with QB Philip Rivers of the guys that are actually playing. If ole Vincent misses more time or is traded, Gates could become the number one target for Rivers which means a huge season.

Grenade: Zach Miller
Jermichael Finley will have a monster season in Green Bay, but he's on everyone's darkhorse list, so I don't consider him a guy that could come out of nowhere and blow the league up (criteria for a grenade). If you want Finley, you're probably going to need to grab him right after the top guys go.

However, Miller is still lasting late in drafts. He was already a favorite in the passing game last year and now the Raiders have quarterback Jason Campbell who can actually get him the ball. Campbell made Chris Cooley a star in Washington and now he has outside receivers who can't catch and an offensive line that can't pass block for more than a nanosecond. The result will be many dumpoffs to Miller.

Torpedo: Owen Daniels
Beware the major knee surgery victim who claims he's ready to go the next season. Daniels is currently being drafted as the eighth tight end based on his production last year before the injury. I don't buy it. Any position that involves speed and quickness (receivers and backs) is not one you trust to a guy still working his way back into full shape. It's always the season after the return from surgery that usually works well for a player. So draft Daniels wherever you please next year, just no this one.

Desperation Pick: Chris Cooley
If you suddenly find that dreaded tight end run happens and leaves you as the only guy in your league without a tight end, you're probably going to have to throw a dart and hope it hits a decent guy. Cooley has been a reliable tight end for years, but a season ending injury ruined him last year. Now people are worried about backup Fred Davis stealing the catches, but Cooley has a big contract and he's not going to be shut out of the offense. New QB Donovan McNabb will throw to the tight end and Cooley should grab his share.

Rankings:

Antonio Gates
Dallas Clark
Vernon Davis
Jermichael Finley
Jason Witten
Brent Celek
Tony Gonzalez
Kellen Winslow
Zach Miller
Visanthe Shiancoe (Depending on Favre)
Chris Cooley
John Carlson
Owen Daniels
Dustin Keller
Heath Miller
Jermaine Gresham

PantsCast August 10-- Fantasy Football Preview Wide Receivers

2010-08-11T15:59:00.004-05:00

Anger at a jowly Hall of Fame blow hard, the big fantasy football wide receiver preview, and a salute to this week's What's Wrong With Humans winner.

Click here to decide if we know what we're talking about.

Why Now?

2010-08-09T10:35:00.004-05:00

Bad calls happen. Just ask Detroit Tigers pitcher Armando Galarraga, who got a perfect game ripped away from him by a blown call by the first base umpire.

Of course, the umpire that made that call apologized to Galarraga shortly after the game and admitted that his call directly affected the game. It was a nice show of humility from a Major League Baseball umpire and one that gave you warm fuzzy feelings in your sports belly.

I guess NFL referee Bill Leavy got caught up in the moment because he came clean and admitted that he blew several calls in the Super Bowl. The Super Bowl that was played in January of 2006.

What good does this do now? Football fans have already seen and heard the blown calls dissected 200 different ways and the game makes any top ten list of the referee gaffes in football (along with my favorite, the episode where referee Phil Luckett inexplicably blew a coin toss in a Lions/Steelers game.) Every time they talk about a blown NFL call, there's the footage of Ben Roethilsberger being stopped well before the goalline despite a touchdown call. It was one of many very poor calls that went against the Seahawks in that Super Bowl.

Seattle fans cried about it right after the game and were labled as poor sports at the time. Now they've hopefully moved on with their football watching lives.

And then this gets brought up again. The Super Bowl ref comes out five years later and says "Oh, by the way, I did blow all of those calls your guys were bitching about."

Well no sh** Sherlock.

The Seattle players took the high road and thanked Leavy for finally admitting his mistakes and talked about moving on with this season blah blah blah. Meanwhile they still have no rings on their fingers (though you can't assume Seattle would have won even with the calls).

I just wonder: why now? Why come out five years after the fact and admit wrong doing? It won't change the history books. All it does is stoke the fires in that debate that had gone away.

The only differnce now is that when a Steeler fan is in a bar with a Seahawks fan, the Seattle fan can end his debate with the line, "and he even admitted he screwed it up!" Pittsburgh fans living in the Northwest better be ready, the argument is going to heat up again.

Fight For Your Right To Own

2010-08-05T09:49:00.004-05:00

What a crazy day in Rangers history. The 14-hour court auction to determine the new owner of the baseball team ranks just behind the 10-cent beer night fiasco in Cleveland during the 1970's (where drunk Cleveland fans stormed the field to party causing such a fiasco, the game had to be stopped) in terms of unstable moments for a franchise.

Chuck Greenberg and Nolan Ryan had both been planning on leading a group to acquire the Rangers and most people thought the ownership group would move into place at the beginning of the season. Greenberg was even on local sports radio talking about his philosophy about owning a team.

Then the poop flew right through the fan.

Turns out the previous owner Tom Hicks had taken a few liberties in his financial dealings including leveraging the Ballpark in Arlington (home of the Rangers) as one of his holdings during business moves. The problem is, Hicks didn't actually own the ballpark.

Oops.

Now Hicks was declaring bankruptcy and trying to sell off the Rangers without consulting all of the creditors he owed. Naturally, that did not sit well with those whom Hicks owed money to.

The following months, also known as the 2010 baseball season, turned into such a mishmash of back and forth ownership proceedings, it's a wonder that the baseball team could actually play games.

But play the Rangers have and with the help the of mid-season trade for Cliff Lee (NO idea how that was able to happen with a team technically owned by Major League Baseball), Texas is now the overwhelming favorites to win the AL West and go to the playoffs for the first time in over a decade.

Yesterday, Greenberg and Ryan went to court to legally attain that team they'd been waiting to get for a year. Alas, a new problem arose.

Mark Cuban had decided he wanted the team.

Oh yeah, Mark Cuban, the crazy, intense, pontentially explosive owner of the Dallas Mavericks wanted to get into baseball. He had tried once with the Chicago Cubs, but had been denied by the other frumpy baseball owners who were no doubt frightened of what kind of change Cuban might bring to their stubbornly evolving sport.

So like a jilted lover, Cuban was going to go after another team and dare the owners to try and vote him down again. And therein lay the issue:

Cuban is a smart businessman, but he's also a very emotional owner. If he had made up his mind that he was going to get the Rangers, there might be no way to stop him because he'd possibly pour his entire fortune just to win the bidding. He'd been denied and this was his chance to thumb his nose at the baseball boys club by resurfacing.

It took 14 long hours of court bidding before Greenberg and Ryan threw out a bid that Cuban refused to top. By the time the new owners were celebrating, only people on the west coast would have been awake to hear the news.

And that's what I love about this process. Greenberg and Ryan didn't just walk up and purchase a team with ownership trouble. They fought for this team. You don't get into a bidding war unless you really want something and they went to the wall to hold off Mark Cuban. As a Rangers fan, I'm beyond happy because I see an ownership group that are proud to own this team. When you're proud of something you tend to take care of it.

I would have been happy with Mark Cuban too, he's already proven what he can do by taken a joke of a Mavericks team (previously owned by scumbag buisnessman Ross Perot Jr. who only owned the team to finalize a real estate deal and make a gazillion dollars) and turned that pile of garbage into an NBA contender. But Greenberg and Ryan wanted the Rangers longer.

Greenberg has been visiting the Rangers clubhouse for the better part of a year to get to know his players. He really wants to be a part of this thing. Now he is. And it's about damn time. Finally, the Rangers can look forward instead of running in place.

Oh the times, they are a changin'.

PantsCast August 2-- Fantasy Football Preview D and K

2010-08-03T18:33:00.001-05:00

Baseball trade deadline talk and we preview defense and kickers. Plus a drunk dialing problem on What's Wrong With Humans

Click Here for summer fun.

The Carnage Begins

2010-08-02T13:48:00.003-05:00

If you're a fantasy football player, the beginning of NFL training camps throughout the country make you pay close attention to the news, not because training camps are so interesting, but because you want to see which players go down with the inevitable training camp injuries.

This year has been no different. We haven't even made it to the first pre-season game yet and already you have reports start receivers like DeSean Jackson and Percy Harvin being carted off the field, soon to be star running back Knowshon Moreno blowing a hamstring, and big named rookie Dez Bryant suffering the dreaded high ankle sprain on the second to last play of practice.

It's part of the game with a sport this violent. Guys will get hurt. More are going to get hurt too because when draft picks don't sign and players hold out, they come in behind and aren't up to speed with the rest of the players. Then they take a brutal shot and whammy, they're out for another three weeks.

But does the NFL pre-season really need to begin in late July? There was a time when players needed training camp to get back into playing shape. Today there is no real off-season in the NFL with all of the organized team activities, rookie mini-camps, and "voluntary" workout sessions. Most players come into camp ready to go. In fact, many teams have conditioning tests before camp even starts.

Sure, players get timing down and have more time to learn the play book, but is that more important than giving their bodies a rest before the onset of a brutal 16 game regular season? Ask any player and they'll tell you that they get tired from camp and they aren't really fresh for the regular season.

The reason we have such a long pre-season is one reason: money. Owners don't want to give up the earnings they can get from four meaningless pre-season games.

Okay, so that's not going to change. Why not have a one week training camp followed by the four games? Guys are preparing during the week just like they would during a regular season. They've had a week to shock their systems back into football mode and now have the four games to look forward to.

Better yet, open training camp at the normal date, but for rookies, new additions, and bubble players. That way they can get work in while the veterans can relax until mid August. You don't have to tell the Philadelphia coaches that DeSean Jackson is going to make the team. He doesn't need to run drills all day.

I'm a football fan! I want to see the best players doing their thing out there. I don't want to see an All-Pro lying dead on the field in August. I know these kind of things will happen because of the nature of football, but can't the NFL at least let players go into a season without feeling like they just finished one?

PantsCast July 28- Fantasy Football Preview TE

2010-07-29T14:42:00.002-05:00

Death of the Assassin, Dallas drama in training camp, and the preview of fantasy tight ends. Plus I girl who doesn't understand the sense of smell in What's Wrong With Humans.

You're a better person for clicking here.

Alabama Albatross?

2010-07-28T10:56:00.005-05:00

Call it Crimson Tide corpulence or Bama blubber. Call it whatever you want, but it could be a problem down there in Tuscaloosa.

Not a huge problem, at least not in the sense that it's a major concern to Nick Saban. After all, he just won a national championship, so how bad can things be?

Well, for two years in a row now, an Alabama players has come into to the NFL with considerable baggage. As in girth. Too much actually.

Remember last year when we were all assaulted with the awful image of man-boobs during Bama lineman Andre Smith's workout for the NFL? Here's a reminder:

Yummy.

Smith was still selected by the Bengals as a top ten pick despite his obvious conditioning issue. He held out of training camp, then came in and promptly broke his foot. Season lost. We'll see what he does this year.

Apparently that wasn't a singular problem for a player coming out of Alabama. This year, nose tackle Terrance Cody (his nickname of Mount Cody might give you a hint to his body type) failed his conditioning test and is not allowed to participate in Baltimore Ravens training camp.

I know offensive lineman and nose tackles don't need to look like Greek statues to do their jobs, but not being allowed to practice is pretty extreme in that fatty department.

At least these guys aren't involved in sexual assault cases (insert fat joke here as to why), but in a region of the country that's already under fire for the astounding number of obese citizens, the Crimson Tide are quickly developing a reputation that will make them the butt (see?) of many jokes.

So Bama fans can hold up there pointer finger to let everyone know that they won the title, but you don't win those every year and when the victories stop, the critics will pile on. I'm not even trying anymore.

The Haze Game

2010-07-26T10:17:00.003-05:00

NFL Veteran: "Hey, rookie. Carry my shoulder pads back to the locker room."

NFL Rookie: "I'm not here to carry your shoulder pads. Carry them yourself."

Fan of team: "Aw crap."

There's nothing logical about NFL rookie hazing. The embarrassing haircuts, ice water baths (mixed with some pretty rank stuff), food runs 30 minutes before the team charter is supposed to leave the airport. It's all unneeded and completely over the top in what is supposed to be a professional atmosphere.

But this is the NFL. There's nothing logical about anything you do. If there's a guy who outweighs you by 70 pounds running straight at you, logic would suggest you get the hell out of his way. Football logic says you go crashing into him, compressing your spine and rattling your brain.

It's a bizarre, violent world here which is why Dez Bryant needs to shut up and carry the damn shoulder pads. Bryant says he's here to play football, not carry people's equipment. I agree with him. And I think he should shut up and do what he's asked.

It's like an African savanna where the males of a certain species are all posturing and showing their power. When an elder male does a dance and violently approaches a younger one, the younger one bows down, submits to the older one and then life goes on. The younger one will have his day in the sun, just not yet.

And that's where we run into the real problem here at Dallas Cowboys' training camp. The older animal doing the posturing is the one the younger animal was drafted to replace.

Roy Williams has been nothing short of a disaster since the Cowboys overpaid in a trade to get him. What's worse, as bad as Williams has been on the field for the Cowboys, he's been just as delusional off of the field. After a season where Miles Austin became the clear go to guy for the team, Williams has been spouting off about how he's always been the guy no matter where he's played and how he considers himself the number one receiver even though he's the only one who believes this.

To summarize, you've got a veteran desperately holding onto his star power and you have a prized incoming rookie who has been called the biggest incoming talent since Randy Moss blew the NFL up a decade ago.

It's a tense situation. One that takes sacrifice for both players. If Roy accepted Dez and played a diminished roll in the Cowboys offense (third wideout, slot receiver, whatever), the Cowboys offense could hum like never before. Dez, however, has to make sure he placates ole Roy's ego and admits that he's just the rookie no matter how good he is.

It hasn't been a good start and now the situation among Dallas recievers has become tense and while Dez Bryant may clearly be the better talent, he is still just a rookie who needs to prove to teammates that he'll be there when the chips are down during the season.

My guess is that other Cowboys veterans will now step in to squash the uprising of Dez. They may like him more than Roy, they may think he gives them a better chance to win, they may secretly hope Roy gets traded or cut. It doesnt matter, Bryant is a rookie. There doesn't have to be any logic used.

What Took You So Long?

2010-07-23T11:35:00.003-05:00

Apparently the backlash from the ESPN LeBron love-fest titled The Decision still isn't over.

Wednesday night, ESPN ombudsman Don Ohlmeyer posted a column on the ESPN website ripping the network for running a program that he said "pandered to a superstar" and gave in to a "celebration of greed, ego and excess."

That is all true. And we already know that, Don.

The thing I look at the most in the column has nothing to do with the 4600 words in it. It's the date at the top.

Late July? The thing aired on July 8.

ESPN managed to put together an hour long television disaster in a day. Yet, the station watchdog needs two weeks to post a column condemning it?

Don't fall for this blatant public relations attempt at smoothing things over.

The executives know that they screwed up royally by running The Decision. Viewers let them know. Just read the gazillion articles out there ripping it. The only person delusional enough to think that the show was a good idea is LeBron himself.

ESPN says nothing for weeks about it, sees that their brand has taken a big hit, then rolls out the watchdog to slap them on the wrist and say, No!

Bad ESPN! Don't do that again, or no free passes to Disneyland for you!

So thank you Mr. Ohlmeyer for confirming what we already knew. Try to react with your viewers next time instead of waiting for an arsenal of hate mail to arrive before you admit the mistake.

Go Thunder.

He's a Little Bit Country

2010-07-21T10:18:00.002-05:00

Awww. Little Colt McCoy got himself married.

I would too with a girlfriend that hot, but I'm not a legendary quarterback at Texas.

Anyway, check out the little song his friend Jordan Shipley wrote for him. It starts out as just a generic sappy wedding song in country form, but about halfway through you'll hear a little zinger aimed at another young quarterback.

And so the rivalry begins....

Tim Tebow Penetrates Colt McCoy's Wedding Song @ Yahoo! Video

PantsCast July 19

2010-07-20T15:23:00.004-05:00

It's fantasy football preview time! Today we tackle the quarterback position. Who are some good signal callers who aren't named Drew Brees or Peyton Manning? (Don't worry, we aren't going to say Tom Brady). What do you do if you miss out on one of the top QB's? Draft grenades and draft torpedoes.

Plus, we sort of preview the second half of the baseball season and everyone's favorite segment: What's Wrong With Humans.

Click Here if you want to live.

Why Do I Like This Commercial?

2010-07-17T16:43:00.003-05:00

I've said before that I don't like television commercials that try to be quirky just for the sake of being quirky. You've seen the ones I'm referring to: they don't makes any sense at all and that seems to be what the director was trying to do.

I've also said that I don't like commercials that make babies and animals talk. It just seems unnatural to me when that financial baby is sitting in an airplane seat telling me about how he takes care of his own stocks. I can dig when babies are thinking something, but when their mouths move and form actual words, it freaks me out.

So why do I like a Kia commercial with rapping hamsters? It's a bizarre premise full of absurd images and the hamsters actually rap. I crack up every single time I see it. Maybe it's because the commercial looks like 90% of the rap videos I've seen where the artists are taking themselves incredibly seriously, yet can be mimicked by a bunch of rodents:

I'm confused. I think I'll go buy a car. Or a pet hamster.

Lay Up

2010-07-15T10:35:00.002-05:00

LeBron James' self-absorbed joke of a special is being ripped apart by 99% of the sports fans in this country.

So naturally comedians had to ridicule it and I think Steve Carell and Paul Rudd did as good of a job as we could hope for at the ESPY's last night.

Try to forget for a moment that ESPN was the station that allowed The Decision to air along with creating softball questions that it's minions lobbed at LeBron while every dead journalist turned over in their grave. Just enjoy the comedy that came out that horrible sports special:

PantsCast July 12

2010-07-13T15:42:00.004-05:00

The aftermath of LeBron, the MLB trade that thankfully didn't happen, viva España, but will anyone around here care next time? Also, a stupid pedophile, which I guess is good in the whole scheme of things.

Pull the pin, Click here to listen.

Back From The Ledge

2010-07-10T15:36:00.003-05:00

I was almost there.

First the LeBron nonsense (and every bit of the was nonsense) left me feeling not so much sick, but just hollow inside. I wasn't disappointed in LeBron, but that was because I didn't expect anything less than a full ego bath from him.

Then the Yankees had to step in and give me a double shot of suck.

Cliff Lee, the Seattle stud pitcher was on his way to everywhere from Minnesota to Tampa Bay via trade. I'm a Rangers fan, so I of course wanted him to go to Texas, but being a Rangers fan, I knew that somehow that probably wouldn't work out. Pitching never does down here.

That was okay. I wouldn't mind Lee in a Twins, Rays, or any other uniform. Except one.

And then it happened. Suddenly, the Yankees became the front runner for Lee. The Yanks. The team that already bought C.C. Sabathia, A.J. Burnett, and Javier Vazquez. Oh and they have Andy Petite too. If they added Lee, the team would literally have five All-Star pitchers on the team.

This is a team with the richest lineup in baseball. The infield makes more than several entire teams and they put up like numbers. They are the favorites to win the World Series again. Easily.

When the news came down, I talked to some of my Yankee friends about it and this is the part that kills me: they weren't even that excited about it. One of my friends actually said "I'm not really excited, but I'm not upset by it."

Well, that's good. I'm glad you're not angry that your team is getting another All-Star pitcher.

Could there be a better example of a spoiled rotten fan? They don't even get excited about major aquisition because they're so used to their team just stockpiling talent.

I was prepared to proclaim the competitive spirit of sports dead. There was no longer a balanced fight between two champions trying to get the ultimate prize. This was more of a way to circumvent rules in place to keep competitive balance or just the rich getting richer.

I don't blame the Yankees for what they do, it's perfectly within the rules. The system just happens to be broken in the MLB and New York is the poster child for how out of whack that it is.

But just as my hands were flying up in the air, something amazing happened: Lee didn't actually go to the Yankees. The fact that he went to the Rangers was just icing on the cake for me. The point is that New York finally didn't win the battle for aquiring talent. I've been pulled off the ledge.

At least until the end of baseball season when the Yankees outbid everyone and get Cliff Lee anyway.

The Day The King Died

2010-07-08T21:55:00.003-05:00

So that decision is over and LeBron is off to the Miami Heat.

Some of the Facebook and Twitter posts I see range in tenacity, but they all say basically the same thing:

-It's easy to root against LeBron now
-Real competitors don't go to a superstar team to win
-The very short and sweet "F*ck you LeBron."

I'm guessing that's the just of the messages originating anywhere outside of Miami. I know this whole extravaganza has just been beaten to death, so I'll try to be short and sweet.

#1: ESPN is now officially a joke. What a pathetic display of "journalism." They spent an hour lofting softballs at LeBron so he could have his little one hour not variety hour. That made me sicker than ESPN usually makes me. Every person involved in that should go apologize to Edward R. Morrow tonight. It was fitting the Stuart Scott lead that thing.

#2: Let's get everything straight with what we're complaining about. Most people bitch about how athletes just follow the money wherever they go. This is not that case. This move was made to win championships. Remember that the next time you whine about a guy following the money.

Here are my conclusions:

LeBron is no longer the King. The King doesn't worry about joining other superstars to ensure a championship. Jordan stuck with the same team and it took him years to win. Then he won six. Hakeem spent years missing championships. He got his two at the end of his career. But it was his team. The Bad Boys were together for years before they got their two. Guys who won early like Magic, Bird, and Duncan got lucky enough to be drafted by teams that were ready to go.

What LeBron has done is effectively take the alpha out of his male. He's no longer the guy you build a team around because he can't handle being a foundation. He's not strong enough.

It's funny because LeBron kept talking about his legacy. His decison was made because he wanted to have his championship legacy. Well, maybe he'll get a ring, maybe he'll get several. It won't matter, his legacy is already tarnished. He couldn't hack it alone. He'll never live that down no matter how many rings he gets.

This is a guy who was given everything in Cleveland. Don't like what the G.M. is doing? He's gone. Don't trust the coach? See ya Mike Brown! Cleveland fans hung on his every word (which I'd think would be a plus for a man of that ego.) He was the hometown kid; whatever he wanted within reason would have been given to him. He was the man. Not for the Cavs, but for the entire city.

And it wasn't enough that LeBron just left Cavs fans out to dry. He had to call a one hour ego-fest to let Cleveland know that he didn't think he could be successful there. Imagine getting dumped by your hot boyfriend/girlfriend/spouse via cable television. They couldn't just leave you a note. They had to embaress you too.

Now James lies with Art Modell in the catacombs of Cleveland sports. He's reviled and he won't be forgiven soon by the jilted fan base. He was their shining light and he lit them on fire.

Look, it's a free country, but when you make the money these guys do, I think you have a civic duty to a city that drafts you. It doesn't always work out and I'm in no way saying guys should be stuck with whatever team that drafted them. But James had everything he wanted in Cleveland and he still left them. And he strung along fans while he did so.

This sets a dangerous precedent. Future stars may see this move as their chance to manufacture a championship. It goes against every priciple of sports competiton.

And what happens to teams located in places like Utah and Sacramento? Obviously, Cleveland doesn't have as much to offer as a South Beach for a young hip-hop guy like LeBron. Neither do places like Indianapolis or Milwaukee. They aren't bad cities and they have great basketball fans, but they just aren't big night scenes that young, rich guys might like. So should the Kings, Bucks, Pacers, Jazz, and others just pack up shop?

Tonight was a sad night that struck most people as a complete farce and insult to the competitive spirit of professional sports. While this might be a low moment, have no fear. Kevin Durant quietly signed an extention with the Oklahoma City Thunder. No bells and whistles, no hour long specials, not even a big market. The Thunder are young and talented. You now have your anti-Heat to root for, the ying to the Heat's yang.

Go Thunder.

PantsCast July 6

2010-07-07T14:23:00.003-05:00

NBA insanity, Dutch delight, All-Star snubs, paid off by popcorn, and our favorite fatty strikes again.

Click Here and feast.

The Moment of Epic Cheese?

2010-07-03T16:32:00.003-05:00

I know I'm a little behind on posting this. My thought is that I purposely ignored it in the interest of my mental health, but it needs to be out there if only as a deterrent for future artists.

Before we begin, let's all get on the same page. Sports arenas are one area where cheesy music is totally allowed. Hair bands, little pop hits, Mmm Bop, Spice Girls... it's all allowed.

We retch when "Who Let The Dogs Out" comes on our radio, but if it's played at a Cleveland Browns game, it doesn't seem so out of place. Nothing represents cheese like the Macarena, but I distinctly recall an entire stadium of Yankees fans doing it. Oh yeah, don't deny it macho boy. You might be strutting around with your hat sideways now, but you were putting your hands on your hips then.

The point is that sports arenas are generally a safe place for songs that might otherwise be ridiculed in a smaller setting.

That's why this song is so amazing. Scott Stapp (he of Creed fame) decided to write a song for his beloved Florida Marlins. Yes, the Marlins have fans apparently.

I guess his heart is in the right place, but I really can't understand how this is going to capture the imaginations of the other teal wearing baseball types in South Florida. Even in a sports setting, this song is so cheesy, it reaches Velveeta levels.

But maybe I'm being too harsh, so you decide for yourself: charismatic sports anthem or queso?

PantsCast June 29

2010-06-30T13:43:00.002-05:00

The ups and downs of the World Cup, a clash of ideals about upcoming the NBA free-agency, questions about a no hitter, a naked cheese man, and JaMarcus!

You may enter.

NFL Beginning Early

2010-06-28T14:25:00.004-05:00

Every sport wants to pull a Big Tobacco and get people addicted when they're kids. That's why we have youth leagues, kids nights at the stadium, and action figures.

But the NFL is going to take it one step farther by creating a 22 episode cartoon series this NFL season on Nickelodeon.

I know this is not a new idea, but it's the NFL's idea. Therefore, it will work.

The focus of the cartoon series is a 10 year old boy whose super powers include those of an NFL player. It doesn't say which NFL player. Maybe he can throw it like Peyton and run like Chris Johnson. Or maybe he's as big as Leonard Davis, but has the skill set Ray Rice. That'd be kind of weird for a 10 year old.

The boy has to protect valuable objects that are hidden beneath various NFL stadiums, like the heating coils underneath Lambeau Field and Jimmy Hoffa's body under Giants Stadium. It sounds like a twist on the Harry Potter series. A very muscular, violent twist.

Sean Payton and Eli Manning are among the NFL people lending their voices to the series. This is a bit disappointing to me since I was hoping Eli would just stand there with dumb face like he does in real life. But kudos to him for being involved.

My ideas for characters in the series include:

-Tony Romo always wearing a backwards baseball cap and with a different starlet on his arm at all times.

-Brett Favre with a long, grey beard and retiring once every episode only to come back

-DeAngelo Williams and Jonathan Stewart as some sort of Gemini twins who finish each others sentences

-Steven Jackson in a wheelchair

-A monkey cage, but instead of monkeys, it has wide receivers in it. They are fed through the cage and they do all the things monkeys do including screaming and throwing feces at one another.

-And of course, the evil character would be Dan Snyder who looks to horde all the players and secret objects for himself.

It'll be big. I'll be in pictures I tells ya!

Potugal Has Pissed Me Off

2010-06-25T15:36:00.003-05:00

Far be it from me to criticize the traditional scoring system of the World Cup, but now that we're at the third game, we have a mix of two things:

One is the amazing contests between two teams trying to secure their positions in the final 16.

The other is a pathetic display of non-competition between teams that are already set to advance and just don't want to lose. So the teams barely goes on the attack and just sits on defense hoping to squeak out a 0-0 draw.

Portugal is that team. And I don't like them. I was already souring on those who live in the port on the gal because of the whining to the refs and obvious diving to draw penalties.

Now they went into a shell against mighty Brazil so as not to risk losing the game.

I know, the math makes sense. Portugal only needed a point to ensure that they moved on because of the 7 goal beat down they handed North Korea. So they didn't risk a thing and now they move on.

It just a bad taste in my mouth. The point of competition is to play you best and get a win. All Portugal did in the preliminary round is crush a less talented North Korea team. They haven't scored another goal yet. But because of the math, they needed to only draw with Brazil. So instead of a high-powered shootout between two talented teams, I turned the game off because it was so very boring.

It's the point system. Maybe winning should get an extra point. That way, teams would be more inclined to go for the victory instead of holding a tie and playing the odds. It's competition. Let it shine.

Leave the odds playing to Vegas.

Let's Calm Down With the Greatest Ever Talk

2010-06-24T13:22:00.003-05:00

Yes, it deserves to be front page news. Yes, it was an astounding display of wills and determination.

No, it wasn't the greatest tennis match ever played.

People seem to be falling all over themselves to shower John Isner and Nicolas Mahut with compliments after their obscenely long tennis match at Wimbledon. Many of those compliments are deserved.

Isner and Mahut played one game over an incredible three day span before Isner finally won 70-68 in the final set. The match broke all sorts of records and captured our attention even with the World Cup going on.

That's all wonderful, but before you begin lavishing the marathon match with "greatest ever" tags, remember a few things:

Who?- Nobody but intense tennis followers know who these guys are. This isn't some classic match-up between two greats like Federer and Nadal. These are two unknowns that aren't favored to win anything.

It's Early- This was an early game in the tournament. Bjorn vs McEnroe and Federer vs Nadal were championship matches. They were playing for everything.

Aces- Isner had 112 aces and Mahut had 103, both records. Good for them, but to me, aces are what kills my interest in men's tennis. Why would I stop down and watch someone serve over and over again? Take a look at some of the all time matches and the one thing you'll see are incredible volley segments. Both guys cover the court and refuse to let any shot drop without a challenge. That makes for an all-time tennis match.

Isner and Mahut deserved to be congratulated for refusing to give in and playing through exhaustion to give fans a classic moment in sports. Just don't get too caught up in the moment. Longer doesn't always mean better.

PantsCast June 22

2010-06-23T14:51:00.003-05:00

Do we care about the stolen goal? Kobe's place, broken arms, the French, JaMarcus back in Oak-town, and What's Wrong With Humans.

Enjoy the talking voices.

The World Cup Needs John Madden

2010-06-18T16:56:00.004-05:00

No, not the actual John Madden, he wouldn't know what was happening (more so than usual), plus I don't believe there is a roadway that runs from the U.S. to South Africa, so the Madden Cruiser would have to become a submarine.

What I mean is that in soccer's great quest to become a relevant spectator sport in the states, it does itself no favors by putting British announcers in American games. People already see it as an outsiders sport, why hammer it home? Yet as I watch the World Cup, I keep find myself saying "Who talks like that?"

When I watch the World Cup, I want a guy who enjoys the game thoroughly and is almost a soccer idiot savant. He can be blunt, he can be blue, hell, he can be drunk. I just want him to show me that he can enjoy soccer in more than a "this is such a beautiful game" sort of way.

That's where the Madden comparison comes in. John Madden was famous for noticing all the little things during a game. Nothing tactical, but the little details of a game that the camera doesn't catch. He'd point out the sweat on linemen, he'd find if there was an issue with the Gatorade, and you can bet he'd find a guy who nearly tripped walking back to the huddle. Plus, he spoke in a way that made him seem like your kooky neighbor or your favorite bizarre uncle.

If you're not sure what I'm talking about, I can give you some hints. The following sentences should never be spoken on an American broadcast:

"That's a well struck ball."
"He needs to strengthen his fitness."
"Difficult first touch there."
"He used a heavy boot on that cross."

That's not how we speak here. And what's worse, there are American broadcasters he speak like that. Who are you, Madonna? You are American! We don't drink afternoon tea and we sure as hell don't describe a guy coming off of injury as getting his fitness back.

I want a guy who can show me the jersey grabbing, the smack talking, and who can make fun of the divers and divas in the soccer pitch. I'm sorry, I mean soccer field. If he's not American, he needs to be a drunk Irishman who is prone to angry outbursts.

What we need is soccer's version of John Madden. A guy who thoroughly enjoys the game and has a way to communicate that to the average American without making them feel like moronic rednecks. He sees things in the game that interest Americans: violence, feats of athletic achievement, and really embarrassing gaffes.

Just give the guy a telestrator and let him roll. Boom!

PantsCast June 15

2010-06-16T22:15:00.003-05:00

World Cup thoughts, more insanity at the NFL quarterback position, the great football shift that wasn't, and What's Wrong With Humans.

Treat yourself to happy good times.

Who Has The Apple?

2010-06-14T12:20:00.004-05:00

Last night as I sat through the Tony Awards (my girlfriend described it as her Super Bowl, so I couldn't argue), I found out several things:

-Mighty Mite Kristin Chenoweth has as much comic timing as any female lead in Hollywood, and she's just as hot.

-The Tony Awards have been completely whored out in the name of television ratings. Why else would big names such as Denzel Washington, Catherine Zeta-Jones, and Scarlett Johansson win the awards while average at best actors such as Katie Holmes get to present? Plus, viewers were treated to a mini-Greenday concert. Clearly the Tony's have gone Tinseltown. I guess they have to in order to be on television.

-Mark Sanchez apparently loves Broadway, especially the musical Memphis.

Wait, a supposed meathead football players is a fan of the theater? Well, good for Mark! Nothing will endear a New York athlete to the community around him than support for the New York theater arts.

Sure, plenty of athletes have gone into acting, but that's out there on the west coast. That stuff is a joke. This is real theater where only the strong survive. And Mark Sanchez, the California boy, likes it!

In another city, a revelation like this would vault Sanchez to the top of the local sports celebrity charts, but in New York, he may not even be at the top of his own position because he shares a stadium with one Eli Manning.

So who's the more popular New York quarterback?

Sanchez has the looks, he's well spoken, he took the league by storm as a rookie, and he plays for a crazy, smack-talking coach who doesn't shy away from the tabloid headline-making comment. And Sanchez is clearly a fan of the arts.

Eli Manning has a consistently vacant look about him and plays for a coach who makes Dick Cheney look like a fun-loving party animal. But Eli plays for the more traditional Giants team and he's a Manning, the noblest blood in NFL football. And most importantly, Eli has a ring.

I know Sanchez was just a rookie last year, so he has time to catch Eli. My thought is if Sanchez takes home a ring, he'll be able to surpass Manning as the toast of the Apple. But Sanchez will have to settle for second banana in the Big Apple until he touches some hardware other than a Tony Award.

PantsCats June 9

2010-06-10T16:38:00.003-05:00

Learning from the imperfect game, a sizzling debut, the end of greatness, giant changes in college football, a wideout with the munchies, plus "what's wrong with humans"and how to follow the World Cup when you don't really watch soccer.

It's chock full of goodness! Click here to listen.

Evidence In The NBA Vs NHL Not Really Battle

2010-06-07T15:22:00.003-05:00

I've been singing the NHL's praises for years now. It's playoffs are vastly more entertaining than the NBA's and unlike it's round ball counterpart, different teams actually win championships. So while the Lakers and Celtics are battling to see which team has the most spoiled fans in the sport, the Blackhawks are trying to win their first Stanley Cup since 1961 against a Flyers team that hasn't won one since the mid-1970's.

Of course, my arguments/pleas generally fall on deaf ears. I understand. You don't get hockey. You didn't grow up watching it. You have no idea why the announcers are talking about the cycle game or what the difference between roughing, cross-checking, and boarding is. Why the hell did the ref just blow the whistle? Who did what to who?

I grew up in Texas. I've been on ice skates maybe five times in my life. I don't have a clue how to skate backwards or how to change directions at all, let alone gracefully.

You just need to feel the electricity in the air. Hockey fans are crazy. Their intensity gets pushed up to 11 during the chase for the Stanley Cup. It's exactly what you're missing from football: intense, hard-hitting battles of the will.

Don't take my word for it though. Here is a comparison of the National Anthem and introductions between the NBA Finals and Stanly Cup.

First, the NBA:

I know it's an L.A. crowd, but that's my argument against the NBA. It's always an L.A. crowd. Or a San Antonio crowd, or a Chicago or Boston. No other fans have had a chance to see the Finals from their home floor (yes, Detroit fans, I know your team has been there.)

On the other hand, here are the Chicago fans during the National Anthem:

The energy difference is like comparing a light bulb to the sun. But don't take my word for it. Just watch for yourself.

You Can't Sum The Wizard Up With Stats

2010-06-05T14:11:00.003-05:00

John Wooden led the UCLA Bruins basketball team to 10 NCAA championships, including an unmatched streak of seven in a row from 1967 to 1973. He also won 620 games including a mind-boggling 88 straight games in a row.

Yet to define the Wizard of Westwood by those numbers would be insulting.

Wooden was a rare coach who is nearly extinct in today's big business, media glitz sports atmosphere. Wooden actually taught his players about life. He cared. He didn't pretend to care in front of the media. He didn't go through the motions to make it seemed like he wanted to help these young kids. His calling was to teach. The wins were an off-shoot of that.

You can tell this because when Wooden died this weekend, his ex-players didn't sum him up with the games they won, or the trophies. They talked about what they learned about life under Wooden. The winning helped, of course, but don't forget that Wooden didn't win a championship for the first 16 years he was at UCLA.

16 years? Can you imagine a coach staying at a school for 16 years without winning a title these days?

Once the winning started, it was like an avalanche. Wooden had his pick of top players around the nation. Yet you didn't hear of off-the-field problems for these superstar recruits. Sure, the media eye wasn't as focused on sports at the time, but even when they graduated college, you didn't see Wooden students fall apart.

Listen to the interviews of former UCLA, how they speak of Wooden, how the carry themselves during the interview. Now imagine what that would be like for John Calipari, or Rick Pitino to be remembered. It's like comparing a fast-food burger to Filet Mignon- both get the job done, but you only remember one years down the road.

For those of us who didn't know him, we look at Wooden's wins in amazement. For those who did know him, what they remember is anything but the stats.

Where have all the Wizards gone?

Gut Punch

2010-06-04T15:31:00.003-05:00

If you were sitting around today and suddenly felt a great disturbance in the Force, as if millions of voices suddenly cried out in terror, and were suddenly silenced, well, you're just weird.

But I'd understand if you did because today the citizens of the Ivory Coast all cried out to the heavens when they discovered that their beloved Didier Drogba broke his elbow during a warm-up match against Japan.

Were you sitting near a Pats fan when Tom Brady went down a few years ago? The sulking head, the hands flying up in the air as the season passes before their eyes, the discussion of football Armageddon in Foxboro? Yeah, multiply that by a thousand.

Drogba is not just a sports hero, he's a savior for the Ivory Coast nation. He's good enough to play anywhere in Europe, yet he refuses to turn his back on his war torn nation. He's like the celebrity that remains with his original spouse even after he hits it big and has starlets hanging all over him.

The Ivory Coast was a dark horse team in the World Cup this year with Drogba leading the way. Now the team has to play without it's heart and soul.

If you're a fan of the underdog, keep an eye on these guys because their chances for a trophy just dropped tenfold.

The only way to sum this up is to simply say: that sucks.

Bigger Than Perfection

2010-06-03T09:32:00.004-05:00

You've no doubt run across the story of how Detroit pitcher Armando Galarraga was robbed of a perfect game by a blown call by umpire Jim Joyce. The blown call happened on the final out of the game and was the difference between Galarraga having the 21st perfect game in MLB history and having just another well pitched game.

Normally, this would make a sports idealist like myself blow his top. In fact, some of my friends did blow their tops as the festering problem with baseball umpires not being punished for sub-standard game calling exploded onto the front page.

It was a tragedy, it was awful, it left a bad taste in your mouth. The MLB suits were shown just how their inaction and fear of any progressive change negatively affected their sport. Again.

You can bitch about all of that, but don't cry for Armando Galarraga because he's about to get more publicity than he ever dreamed of.

There have been three perfect games in the past year. Those three guys are in the record books. But when people look back on the 2010 baseball season in the near future, they will not think of Dallas Braden or Roy Halladay. They will think of Galarraga and the Great Game Robbery.

The first two were cool sports moments. This is drama. This hits home with any person who feels they have been screwed over by the powers that be. You had it figured out, but the boss came by and shot it all to hell. We've all been there at some point before.

As for umpire Jim Joyce, the other umps should send him a thank you note because he is now the unofficial face of shoddy game calling. It's too bad because Joyce made an honest mistake (albeit a terrible one) and later apologized with sincerity. Meanwhile, the idiot umps that are too busy giving attitude to call a game get to skate by. That's the real tradgedy of this situation.

No need to worry about Galarraga though. While he won't go down in the history books like his predecessors, he will be at the top of every trivia card from here on out and in the court of public opinion, he did indeed threw a perfect game.

PantsCast June 1

2010-06-02T14:54:00.003-05:00

Perfect Memorial Day in the NL East, not so much in the AL West, NFL notes on another fatty, NBA Groundhog Day and the "What's Wrong With Humans" segment.

It's Just Sitting There Waiting For You To Join the PantsCast.

Ho Hum

2010-06-01T08:59:00.005-05:00

Oh look, the Celtics are playing the Lakers for an NBA championship.

Again.

These two teams have met for a title 11 different times (Celtics have won nine, mostly during their dominant run in the 60's.) Even when they aren't playing each other, one of these teams is usually in the championship hunt. Boston has 17 titles while the Lakers have 15.

32 titles. 32? How long has the NBA been a major player in sports, 50 years? That's ridiculous.

Imagine two NFL teams being responsibly for 70% of all Super Bowl titles. Would that get a little old maybe? The Pats have only won three titles this decade and people are sick of them. The Dallas Cowboys showed up in five Super Bowls in the 1970's and became the loved/hated America's Team.

As annoyingly dominant as the Yankees have been in baseball, you can at least name five or six teams off the top of your head that have won the World Series besides the overpaid boys in pinstripes. Plus, baseball stretches back to the pre-depression era, so there is a much bigger sample size to work with.

The point is that unless you live in Boston or Los Angeles, you enjoy watching sports dynasties win multiple championships, or you're a front-runner, this act is getting old.

It will be a good match-up, but what are we rooting for? Either way, one team's annoying and spoiled fan base will beat their chests and behave in such a generally arrogant way, you'll want to throw up. Wow, that sounds great, and while we're at it, can we get Donald Trump some more television time?

If you're hard up for championship sports right now, try something new. Watch the Stanley Cup finals in the NHL.

Two teams with passionate fan bases are trying for thier first championship in a generation. They've already played two games and both have been classics. The Chicago crowd has been so excitable, they're roaring as the National Anthem was being played. You can bet the Flyers fans will return the energy as the series switches venues.

I don't want to hear that you don't understand hockey. I grew up in Dallas, I knew nothing about it. You'll catch on quickly. And then you'll understand it's greatness.

As for the NBA, call me when something new happens.

Lessons For A Sideline Reporter

2010-05-28T10:48:00.006-05:00

Ah, the sideline reporter.

No other collection of beautiful women and ex-athletes can bring us such a bevy of mindless crap to show us the atmosphere in the stands.

Yet for all the boring segments that bring absolutely nothing to the broadcast, there is always the chance for gold be it scheduled or not.

The latest nugget comes from YES reporter Kim Jones. This poor lady has to find something interesting in the stands for every Yankees game so this time she looks to the food court at the new Target Field in Minnesota.

What Ms. Jones doesn't realize is that waving a pork chop around at a Yankees game is like swimming with a bucket of chum in an ocean full of sharks.

She should know better, yet it seems that she is still surprised when the inevitable happens:

UPDATED NOTE: As you see above, the Yes Network and Major League Baseball has become the Gestapo, sniffing out and removing any/all videos that might show the little incident, so I'll sum it up:

Kim Jones was staring at the camera discussing something about pork chops as she waved one around in the air to emphasize her point. At some point during her stand-up, a Yankee fan (carrying a cheap beer) walked up behind her and took a bite out of the pork chop.

Jones was flabbergasted and stumbled over the rest of her moment. Then a giant hawk came down and took away her microphone while a group of badgers wearing Twins caps crawled up Ms. Jones' dress. She seemed both horrified and excited by this. Finally, a man in a Kermit the Frog uniform began firing a potato gun full of caramels into the crowd which gave everyone a sugar high and so everyone began an impromptu version of "American Pie" while Minnesota catcher Joe Mauer wept.

Not everything above is true, but since there is no longer video to refute it, you can make up any scene you want in your head. I like badgers.

PantsCast May 25

2010-05-26T15:38:00.002-05:00

Power for a 25 year old, snowball fights at the Super Bowl, and a superhero with a burrito in his pants.

Click here for burrito time!

Another Coach A Victim To Child Who Would Be King

2010-05-24T13:29:00.004-05:00

I could care less that Mike Brown got fired as Cleveland Cavs head coach. I think it's funny that he won coach of the year last year and then got fired this year. That just shows you that winning a coaching award in the NBA is like winning a Grammy- it's a nice little piece of hardware to keep in your house to remind people of what you used to do when you're working as an insurance agent in ten years.

Brown didn't particularly look like he knew what was going on and his long term strategies were similar to those of a man named Cletus playing chess. He's gone now and I doubt you'll see him surface as a head guy anytime soon.

What is troubling about the firing is the wide speculation that LeBron James got Brown fired. The argument itself is pointless: Brown is gone. What stems from these discussions is the frightful amount of power that LeBron James has over the daily operations of an entire franchise.

LeBron was born in 1984 which makes him 25 years old right now. Yet he will decide on who gets hired in Cleveland next. The Cavs have to acquiesce to his demand if they want to keep him in Ohio.

And that's just messed up.

LeBron is an amazing basketball player. Without him, the Cavs sink in the standings and ticket sales sag. I get that.

But he's a 25 year old guy who knows nothing about running an organization. In fact, the thing that controls LeBron seems to be his ego above everything else. From his refusal to shake hands after losing the Orlando series last year to the removal of a video footage of a college guy dunking on him, LeBron look incredibly prone to the stupid little temper tantrums young people throw when their priorities are all out whack.

And the Cavs are prepared to go through LeBron to make all of the decisions. They have to. Or LeBron and the ticket sales will leave.

So while most 25 year-olds out there are finding out what it's like to be kicked in the teeth by life, whether it's by a fruitless job search, the sudden realization of how much money student loans rip out of your paycheck, or just how fleeting your job can be if a boss or co-worker just doesn't like you for some reason, LeBron is running an organization despite zero experience doing so.

You'll have to excuse me if I don't wear a Cavs jersey around.

What The Cavs Need Is Jake Taylor

2010-05-22T16:18:00.007-05:00

By now you've probably heard about the rumors concerning LeBron James' mom having and affair with James' teammate Delonte West.

James' lawyer says that's not true, but he's, you know, a lawyer. Others claim that it's absolutely true, but they don't exactly have...ahem...hard evidence.

True or not, this rumor is now being blamed for LeBron's sudden disappearance from the playoffs against the Celtics. The NBA MVP apparently found out about the affair during the series and just mentally checked out.

You could also probably blame Boston's nasty defense for shutting LeBron down, but for argument's sake, let's just say it was the affair. How do you rebound from that next year?

I'll tell you how.

The Cavaliers need to bring in Jake Taylor to soothe things out. Taylor, of course, is the aging catcher of the possibly fiction Cleveland Indians baseball team portrayed in the movie Major League.

Now Taylor is a baseball guy, so he can't be anything more than a consultant, but he played for the Indians so he's already familiar with Cleveland. Perhaps his signing will help lure LeBron back.

The real value of Taylor comes in the form of moderator between teammates. Remember in Major League, Ricky "Wild Thing" Vaughn was seduced by Roger Dorn's wife as an act of revenge against Dorn's cheating ways. Then she told Dorn! What a heartless bitch! Didn't she know there was a pennant to win?

Anyway, the Indians arrived at the ballpark to play the Yankees for the pennant only to find out Dorn knew the Vaughn had slept with his wife. It was a tense period, but Jake Taylor managed to sort the whole thing out and with his help, the Indians won.

Taylor has the history the Cavs need for a locker room presence, plus, he's a proven winner. In fact, when Taylor left Vaughn, I hear Vaughn fell back into drug use and even threatened his spouse with a knife. Oh to have the silky interpersonal touch of Jake Taylor back!

The Cavs have the issue of re-signing Lebron, but if they get him back, Taylor should come right afterwards. He can show LeBron the ropes while possibly even brining in Willie Mays Hayes for a pep talk. The result very well could be a trip to the Finals. Then the Cavs could win a championship in spectacular fashion and while they're all celebrating in a crowd, LeBron punches Delonte West, then helps him up and they all hug in euphoria. I haven't decided if LeBron's mom would be part of that hug.

It's a Hollywood ending for Cleveland.

You Know That You're Stressed When...

2010-05-22T12:44:00.002-05:00

Imagine being at the library doing some research/studying when this scene plays out in front of you:

Now in New York City, people are used to this kind of nonsense happening, so they play along and even applaud in the end.

Now imagine your city (if your city happens to be New York, just eat some 'shrooms and imagine. Just like John Lennon told you to do.)

Would people be as understanding? Would they treat this scene as a funny little occurrence in their day or would they get upset that their meticulously scheduled life took a detour? Would they even get the reference?

I firmly believe that here in Dallas, those guys would have been asked to leave by a librarian. But I could be wrong.

Wait, are there still public libraries that are that full of people?

Hanson Sings The Blues

2010-05-19T17:16:00.003-05:00

Remember Hanson? Those little guys who sang MmmmmBop? Of course you remember them. You listened to that song! Yes, you! Don't go hiding and denying, you loved that stuff even if you secretly listened to it when no one was around. There are album sales to prove it.

I don't know what those guys have been doing besides growing up and getting married (did you know the middle one is actually a guy? I thought he was a cute girl back in the day), but they're back with a nice little ode to 60's soul.

Speaking of odes, if this video looks familiar, that's because you've probably seen it in the movie Blues Brothers before. Check it.

Now here is the Blues Brothers version:

Pretty close. Accept that the Hanson kid is white and not blind. And not Ray Charles. But you get the point. Nicely done, boys.

PantsCast May 17

2010-05-18T16:50:00.002-05:00

Where for art thou King James, the unfortunate life of the power pig, and a new segment called "what's wrong with humans."

Pantsing full speed ahead, click here to jump the train.

Are We Supposed to Applaud?

2010-05-14T18:26:00.005-05:00

Trey Kerby of Yahoo Sports gave us what is supposed to be an uplifting article about how Kenny Anderson went back to get a degree after he fell on hard times after basketball. I get it. This guy didn't become just another statistic in the book of sports stars who fell apart after their career ended.

Is it really uplifting though?

For those of you who aren't aware, Kenny Anderson was a New York City baskeball phenom in the late 1980's and wound up as the second pick of the NBA draft in 1991. Talk about winning the lottery.

He made $60 million over his career, yet because of big spending (several luxury cars and expensive parties: just general lifestyles of the rich and famous stuff), and loose living (seven children by five mothers), Anderson ended up broke.

Now we're supposed to line up and give him love for going back to college and getting a degree? Okay.

Congratulations Kenny, you are not a complete and total failure as a human being.

But you did act like an idiot and somehow blew through $60 million. Excuse me if I'm not falling all over myself to shake his hand. Have you seen the economy? There are gobs of people who already have college degrees who end up working at the local Wal-Mart because there is absolutely nothing out there.

I know what the President has said about the econonmy finally turning around. I'll believe him when I manage to go to my local dog park one day and not meet at least one person who's out of work or completely under-employed.

While Kenny Anderson had several mansions, there are thousands of people like me out there who already got an education like we were told to do and now get to feel the sting of education loan payments every month. None of us got to have $60 million to start with.

So congrats Kenny. You aren't a homeless drug addict. But I hope you still speak to your den of children and that they have every opportunity to succeed with your child support payments and the mother isn't driving around in a Mercedes while wearing a fur coat.

It's called life; the majority of us deal with it every day. Welcome to the party, Kenny.
--

Eat Pure Pain

2010-05-13T22:04:00.003-05:00

We always hear about athletes pushing their bodies to the brink during intense workouts.

Most fans can talk about how they benched 350 pounds or ran a 4.3 40 yard dash in high school (actually they benched 295 pounds...once and only ran a 4.3 because it was a 30 yard dash), but the only thing they lift now are beer bottles and the only thing involving the numbers 4 and 3 is the 43 inch waist size of their pants.

But here's a way to push yourself to the limits if you're a couch potato fan today. It doesn't involve gorging yourself on pounds of food or imbibing a bottle of tequila. No, this involves a relatively small amount of food.

And an intense amount of pain.

Ladies and gents, I give you the Bhut Jolokia chili pepper. Also known as the Ghost Chili. Also known as death with a stem.

Think you're tough? Did you eat those Habenero soaked chicken wings in under eight minutes? Good. Now it's time to move on. The Bhut Jolokia is more than ten times hotter than a Habenero pepper.

Jalapenos are for wussies. You can eat those at midnight after waking from a dead sleep. Don't bother with them any more. Take a swing at the big boy.

It's the hottest chili in the world. You talk a big game, now back it up. Take on the champ.

Of course, you may end up like this guy:

Let the spirit of competition consume you! And beware the burning ring of fire.

Ye Ole PantsCast May 10

2010-05-11T23:15:00.003-05:00

Drugs, Rape, a possible seismic shift in college football and JaMarcus is summed up in song.

Click Here to Listen. Do it for the children in Nashville.